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Just Said Yes August 2020

Including family without being in bridal party

Austyn, on June 24, 2019 at 7:40 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8

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My fiancé and i mutually decided that we would have no family members in our bridal party, aside from our siblings. We both have huge families with a lot of little cousins. We were afraid that if we included one of my cousins, we’d have to include all of them, plus his, leaving me with 10 flower girls just to keep the peace, but now their feelings are hurt because they aren’t included. What are some “jobs” i could give to them, or ways to include them in everything leading up to the ceremony?

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Hannah, on June 25, 2019 at 5:21 PM

Champion October 2018
Kelly · on June 24, 2019 at 7:52 PM
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I wouldn’t change your plans. They can have their feelings but that doesn’t mean you need to change your decisions in order to alleviate their feelings. I quickly learned that it’s impossible to make everyone happy in wedding planning.
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Super August 2022
Lynne · on June 24, 2019 at 8:16 PM
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Keep your plans the way you want, no need to change.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on June 24, 2019 at 8:41 PM
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They can be guests, that should be enough.
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VIP November 2019
Katie · on June 25, 2019 at 6:16 AM
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What about ushers or helping find their seats for the reception ?
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Dedicated September 2020
Jazmine · on June 25, 2019 at 7:04 AM
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I had the same situation. My cousins automatically assumed they would be in my wedding party, so we just have siblings included. I explained the situation and expressed my wanting them to be included in the festivities (bridal shower, bacherlorette party, etc.) Some are still salty but that will change with time. Don't feel guilty for doing anything you don't want to do. People will purposely misunderstand you for their own benefit to make you feel bad.
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WeddingWire Administrator January 2025
Sinéad · on June 25, 2019 at 7:51 AM
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Welcome to the WeddingWire community Austyn!
I completely agree with the pp's. There is no reason for you to change your plans just because there are hurt feelings if you don't want to.
That being said, if you truly do want all of your cousins to be involved, you could ask some to say a readying or recite a meaningful poem at your ceremony. you could also enlist the younger ones as ushers to help your guests find their seats.
It's entirely up to you and your FH, how and if you want people to be involved in your wedding.
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Lady · on June 25, 2019 at 5:11 PM
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I think not including them is the right choice. I don't know why they would expect to be included in your wedding unless adults told them they would be, which would be extremely presumptuous and rude of them. You're not doing anything wrong. I personally think it is far better to be invited as a guest than asked to perform silly tasks that could be taken care of with a basket or a table with a sign (seriously, no one needs the job of handing out programs or manning the guest book, etc). You're making the right choice!
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on June 25, 2019 at 5:21 PM
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I agree with others that you stick with your plans. Cousins usually aren't in the bridal party. The only time I've seen it was when the groom was an only child and the cousin and he were close and grew up together like siblings.
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