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Just Said Yes February 2016

Including deceased mother in vow renewal

Bridget, on July 16, 2014 at 10:21 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 4

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My husband and I were married in 2011 in our backyard by my Mother who was a notary with very few people in attendance as we could not afford a big wedding at the time. Since then we have always planned on having our big wedding when we renewed our vows on our 5th anniversary. But in Feb of this year I lost my mother to sarcoma cancer. Now I am at a loss as to what to do when we renew our vows without her. She is the reason my husband and I are married, she gave that gift to me. I want to honor and/or remember her at my renewal but I don't know how. So, I need ideas on how to include her in our renewal since she was the one who married us originally.

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4 Comments

Latest activity by Bridget, on July 16, 2014 at 11:42 AM

Master November 2013
T. · on July 16, 2014 at 10:48 AM
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I'm very sorry for your loss. There are lots of subtle ways to honor people that won't be in attendance. I'll attach some links so that you can take a look at some ideas.

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/how-to-honor-your-deceased-mother/3424b375f378ed5d.html

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/help-how-do-we-honor-deceased-loved-ones-at-the-wedding/36625cf5f73937dc.html

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/how-can-honor-deceased-family-member-at-our-wedding/76be2f96e8632feb.html

This is the first that I've heard of a parent participating in the marriage itself. Have you thought about having your officiant say a few words on your mother's behalf? You could have him/her say something along the lines of:

"Five years ago, _______ stood here to not only embrace her daughter's lifelong union to _____, but to take part in solidifying that union by legalizing it, herself. Today, we celebrate that union, and even though ____ isn't here in body, her spirit is basking in all of the love that is found here in this room, today."

I'm looking at what I wrote above and there are some changes that I'd make, but this is the first thing that's popped into my head so I ran with it. I hope this helps you, and again, I'm very sorry for your loss. XO
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Master September 2014
L + R · on July 16, 2014 at 10:50 AM
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Here is a blog post I just found on Pinterest while searching for ways to honor my deceased FMIL:

http://www.weddingchicks.com/2014/07/16/honoring-lost-loved-ones-at-your-wedding/
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Master August 2014
Nay · on July 16, 2014 at 10:58 AM
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So sorry for your loss Was your wedding in 2011 videotaped? If so, maybe play a portion of your wedding at your renewal to honor her.
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Just Said Yes February 2016
Bridget · on July 16, 2014 at 11:42 AM
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Tatiana: I love the idea of having the officiant say a few words and think what you wrote would be perfect as it brought tears to my eyes just reading it. When we got married it was very last minute, we kept trying to save money and plan a big wedding but something always came up and we would have to dip into our savings. So at the time we said forget it, went to the courthouse got the marriage license and had my mother marry us in our backyard.

Nay: Yes, my best friend did video tape the wedding. So that would be a great way to honor her. Thank you!
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