Dedicated September 2019

Inappropriate dancing and upstaging?

Jessica, on August 15, 2019 at 1:15 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11
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Help! What would you guys do? And does this make me prudish??

I'm definitely an introvert and feel uncomfortable in the spotlight as I can be a bit shy; however, on my wedding day I'd like to really try to enjoy it and think about the attention as positive (like everyone's on my side instead of perhaps judging me). Anyway, I have this relatively new friend whom I love very much and is a lot of fun - though I like her in . . . doses. For lack of a better word she is *definitely an attention seeker, LOVES to be in the center of it.

Anyway, she also LOVES to twerk, it's like her thing. Which I find amusement in and think it's fun/funny - in the right circumstances. With our somewhat old-fashioned families being there, I feel like my wedding isn't exactly the time or place for hands-on-the-ground, bum in the air, feet on the wall twerking . . . I've mentioned that this is a classy affair, if they wanna go clubbing, we can go another time and pay 10 bucks at the door. Anyway, I've also heard through the grapevine about a . . . surprise choreographed dance by her and another friend. ALSO this friend wanted to originally wear a sequined sparkly mermaid dress with a medium-length train (slightly shorter than my wedding dress) . . . to my wedding. At least she asked what vibes for outfits I was going for, and when she said she was thinking about wearing that, I said "if it's got a train then it's a bit much", so she's picking something else (which is great!)

Anyway, I've expressed that it's a classy, fun, family affair, but based on comments made thereafter, I'm not thinking she's getting it. How do I tactfully and kindly but clearly explain that twerking needs to be kept to a minimum? And also, how do I kindly express that it's mine and FH event (aka, don't steal my thunder)?



  • Caytlyn
    Champion November 2019
    Caytlyn Online ·

    I don't think you can tell someone how they can and cannot dance, but I would imagine that if you're having such a formal wedding, the music won't be conducive with twerking. I would also think that she'll get the side eye from your conservative family members and would get the hint. If not, she's the one that looks bad. The attention that she receives won't be positive. There's no polite way to say "I want all eyes on me." Your guests are going to pay attention to you, I don't think you really need to worry about that. The only thing that I would bring up to her is that you heard she was planning a choreographed dance and, while you appreciate it, it might be more appropriate for the bachelorette party or after party. I would also tell the DJ not to allow it.

  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
    She sounds like a party person! I'm not sure there's a lot you can do other than let the event and guests speak to the formality. You'll be the center of attention no matter what.
  • Lady ·

    Have a talk with your DJ and venue coordinator (if there is one) and absolutely do not let them allow this girl to do a choreographed dance of any kind. I don't think there's much you can do about her outfit or her twerking though. She's the one that will look bad, not you, so definitely try not to worry about that.

  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
    She sounds so fun.

    I mean unless she’s in cahoots with your DJ, I don’t see how she could go about doing something inappropriate. I don’t think this is something to worry about.

  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    I have no good advice for this because my husband is a twerker and definitely did this for our wedding ahahah. But I like what other people said in that you can't really stop them but I guess you can try to have music that wouldn't be as conducive to twerking? Aha but I feel like my husband could just twerk to anything since he's just ratchet in general ahah.
  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
    View Quoted Comment
    Melle you are cracking me up recently! You have an excellent sense of humor. 🤣❤️
  • Kelly
    Super October 2019
    Kelly ·
    View Quoted Comment

    Me too! Ha!

  • B
    Super July 2018
    Brittany ·

    Unfortunately I don't think there's much you can do except have the DJ not allow the choreographed dance and tell your friend it can't happen. Just know that no matter what, she will not steal your thunder.

    If it makes you feel any better, I wouldn't consider you "prude" because my mom and I get uncomfortable with things like that too. For my wedding I almost flipped out at the photographer for asking the bridesmaids to lift their dresses up to their thigh for a picture (including the JUNIOR bridesmaids). For my parents wedding my dad's mom invited her all of her beauty parlor employees. One of the girls showed up to another wedding a few weeks before my parent's in a SUPER short, skin tight dress and behaved very inappropriately. My mom told my Grandma that if the girl shows up to her wedding like that she will knock her out. Somehow my Grandma relayed this message and the girl dressed and acted appropriately LOL.

  • Cher Horowitz
    Rockstar December 2019
    Cher Horowitz Online ·

    Let the DJ know your concerns so he/she won't play anything that might make your friend want to twerk. Even if she does twerk at your wedding, she will look like a fool and it'll reflect badly on her, not you!

  • Meaghan
    Savvy June 2020
    Meaghan ·

    She sounds like a lot of fun. However, I can see how you might be feeling uneasy about this. How do you feel about the "surprise" choreographed dance? Are you worried it might be inappropriate or do you not really want the surprise at all? If you heard about it through the grapevine, maybe you could have the person who told you about it talk to this friend about appropriateness or shutting it down. Either way, make sure to talk to your DJ/band. They usually have good ideas about dealing with guests like this, since they see it all the time.

  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
    You just tell her no twerking. I’m not shy or a prude, and I find twerking inappropriate and annoying unless you’re at a club. You have the right to tell her that you don’t want her doing that at your wedding. I’m sure many people will disagree with me, but I’m too old to care. You can also tell the DJ he is not to take any song requests from her, and to not go along with any choreographed dances. You’re paying him, you’re the boss. There’s also the option of asking the DJ not to play certain songs or certain types of music which may promote the twerking, if you feel you need to go that route. But no matter what happens, she’ll never upstage you as you are the bride!

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