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Just Said Yes September 2021

In Laws 🤦🏼‍♀️

Paula, on February 25, 2020 at 9:25 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 15

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My parents offer to pay for my whole wedding, I’m truly bless when it comes to them. But my FH’s grandmother thinks we need to put money out since my SIL is putting money out for her own wedding. Like I’m sorry I have parents wants to do this for me, and told us to save our money for future. Then his grandmother said I needed to have his 40 something aunt in my wedding, I’m from a big family and have over 30 something people in the wedding, ranging age from 29-1 years old, 1. I’m not having any aunts in my wddding. I’m having their kids. But his aunt is mad that she’s not a bridemaid and isn’t involve in the wedding. Like why can’t you just be an aunt and support us like my aunt are and who are younger then you?! Now they want my FH list of who they want to invite, but don’t care for the number they wanna know who he’s inviting to his own wedding to tell him if he can invite them or not. Like ummm you’re not paying for my wedding! Oh did I mention they have me a list of 90 peoples for the dinner!! That doesn’t include my MIL, my parents, mine or my FH list! Like my own grandparents don’t get a list... what’s worse then all of that is that they’re comparing my wedding to my SIL who getting marry this year in August. They told her my wedding will be better. And they’ve mentioned to my FH that they think I’m rude for not involving them in my wedding planning. Like 1. Haven’t really been focus on my wedding since I have over 500 days, 2. I plan on involving my MIL but in the end it’s my mom decision since she paying for it. I can’t stand his aunt or grandmother. They changed since we got engaged and it’s been bad, they have been pushing me and my FH away and I don’t talk about it to my FH because it’s his family but they’re pushing him too. My SIL doesn’t involve me in her wedding planning at all! Didn’t even invite me to go with her to see her try on dresses, so why do I have to involve them?! They been nothing but rude to me and my family since I got engaged and it feel like they don’t want me to be apart of their family. I need help on how to deal with aunt in laws and grandmother in laws. Because I’m about to freak out.

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15 Comments

Latest activity by Paula, on February 27, 2020 at 8:47 AM

Super August 2020
Emily · on February 25, 2020 at 9:41 PM
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Honestly I’ve learned to not talk anything wedding around the people who have been judgy and rude to me! I was getting too many unwanted opinions so I just stopped bringing up any wedding discussions with those select people. As far as finances go that’s none of their business? Lol
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Just Said Yes September 2021
Paula · on February 25, 2020 at 9:52 PM
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I refuse to mention the wedding. 1. My sil is so jealous that I have my dad in my life, that I can afford a honeymoon and that my parents are paying for my wedding. And 2. It have gotten so much worse since October! 1 day after I got engaged, let me tell you my sil showed her face for 5 minutes at my engagement party and didn’t congratulate me or her brother and the aunt showed up literally I kid you not, a minute! Didn’t even say hi to my family who she know, a day after I got engaged the grandmother sat me and my FH down and wanted to know what I was thinking wedding wise and what my family was going to wear to the wedding. Like Ummm.. just got engaged last night and had a surprise engagement party. I don’t know!! I have been avoiding them for two months now because I told my FH I would let him handle it. But I’m about to explode on them. I can’t even enjoy the excitement of being engaged... sorry for the rant. I don’t talk to my family about it because they’ll be piss and I can’t have them mad at my in laws for future kids sake...
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Just Said Yes September 2021
Paula · on February 25, 2020 at 9:55 PM
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Tbh it got me wondering and second guessing whether I want to go through with it because they say you marry the family and idk if I can be around people who are jealous of each other and are so rude and controlling. I love my fiancé to death, but I sometime wonder if they’ll cause the relationship to end like they did my MIL and ex husband.
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Super August 2020
Emily · on February 25, 2020 at 9:56 PM
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What does your FH say about all of it? Just kind of depends his thoughts and reactions to it!
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Just Said Yes September 2021
Paula · on February 25, 2020 at 9:59 PM
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He said he’ll back me up in whatever situation with them. But when it comes time to actually talk to them he ignores them. Doesn’t say anything. I told him I would like to sit his aunt and grandmother down and talk to them and figure out why the change in attitude, but he keeps telling me it won’t do much help. He thinks his sister going to defend us, but in reality the sister is sneaky and worse then the aunt.
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Super August 2020
Emily · on February 25, 2020 at 10:01 PM
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Yeah that is honestly frustrating!! I feel like weddings definitely bring up jealousy from certain people. I don’t understand why people feel the need to be rude to someone else because they have good family/family willing to help pay for their wedding, it’s not like you chose that lol.

Has your fiancé ever had a word with his family members?
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Super August 2020
Emily · on February 25, 2020 at 10:02 PM
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Just saw this response!! I totally think that’d be beneficial to sit them down. Might be easier if your fiancé talks to them on his own.
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Expert May 2021
Rachael · on February 26, 2020 at 7:17 AM
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Wow having 2 family weddings I guess leads people to be judgy and compare each one but thankfully your weddings are far apart. I personally think you don't need to spend any of your money if you have someone willing to pay for it that's great for you. I would try to talk about it or just ignore the situation and distance yourself at that for a while if he doesn't think talking will help
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Beginner October 2020
Brianne · on February 26, 2020 at 1:23 PM
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I don’t know your relationship dynamic but my fiancé and I are pranksters and love bringing out others true feelings. If it was us, I’d have him pretend that their drama broke us up and have a breakdown. The works, tears, ending life, nothing is worth it without her, you know? Really make them feel bad and get their true colors to show. Then, he can clean his face, laugh at them, tell them it was a joke, and then uninvited the jealous biscuits.
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Expert August 2020
Angel · on February 26, 2020 at 7:06 PM
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This is getting me heated reading what you're going through! First off, I'm SOOOO sorry you're having to deal with people like that, let alone your future husband's family acting this way about your wedding. Disgusting. That's so amazing that your parents are paying for your wedding - my grandpa's paying for mine and I can agree with being blessed! Since your FH's family is NOT paying, they literally have absolutely no say. And if you need to say that to them, do it. You don't have to put his aunt in your wedding party, and you don't have to invite everyone they want invited. That's not right at all.
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VIP June 2019
MIWM · on February 26, 2020 at 7:37 PM
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It's none of your fiancé's grandmothers business. When it comes to wedding talked I stayed quiet and only spoke about it to my parents, and close friends. Too many opinions
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January 2014
Pam · on February 26, 2020 at 9:07 PM
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I'd actually tell them, whenever they bring up anything to do with the wedding, that it's much too early to be worrying about any of it and change the subject.
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Dedicated September 2020
Kelly · on February 26, 2020 at 9:35 PM
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I agree with everything you’re saying. Your parents offered to pay and that’s great, you shouldn’t HAVE to pay just because your SIL does. Doesn’t make any sense. My best advice is to do what you wanna do and try your best to not let FH family get to you which I know is harder to do that it is to say. I am lucky that my FH family is very supportive of whatever we want to do, and we haven’t had any big concerns so far and they don’t try to get overly involved. It does get really sticky though with weddings so I feel you. But stick to your gut is all you can do. Whenever I start to get stressed or angry about it I just try to go on a walk or ignore my phone for awhile lol
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Dedicated September 2020
Kelly · on February 26, 2020 at 9:43 PM
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Don’t let them get you down! You love your fiancé and that is what matters. I would honestly just tell them the way they are acting is upsetting you and you don’t want bad blood since you are going to be family one day. Is there anyone in his family you do connect with that could maybe cool down the rest of the family? Like his mom or something? anyone you could talk to 1 on 1 who could then diffuse the situation with the rest of the family
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Just Said Yes September 2021
Paula · on February 27, 2020 at 8:47 AM
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Thank you everyone! Definitely going to take everyone advice! I truly appreciate the love, support and advice!!
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