In-laws-to be not my biggest fans

If it hasn’t changed in the three years you’ve been together, why would you think it would get better after you get married?

I wouldn’t worry about! I don’t get along with my in laws very well! They don’t make comments like that. But anytime something doesn’t happen or we ask for help paying for the wedding they always feel like it’s my fault. We got a dog for instance and , my fiancé says he’s going to the store to buy dog food . His grandma has the nerve to say well if I wouldn’t have bought the stupid dog and focused my energy on buying groceries and preparing the house I would be fine. It’s okay girl! It happens, for let it ruin your day!

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I didn't know if when we are married they will see me as more of their family vs a girlfriend. his mom, step dad, and grandma have all made a huge difference. Ive never been married so I didn't know.

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Those things add up! I have a hard time understanding how they could be this way because my family has loved him through everything and made him feel included. after it first started I continued to act the same. Include them in stuff, be friendly etc and then wyatt said being nice made it worse. I was just hoping maybe things would look up! I can live with it, it just makes me beat myself up a little

At least his mom didn’t burst into tears at your engagement party! You would of thought we were at a Funeral!!

If it’s been 3 years and nothing’s changed, I would feel like it would get worse. I am a sensitive person and take things very personal if someone even looks at me the wrong way. I think you all need to sit down and your FH should stick up for you (I know it’s hard to confront family). I’m not saying he doesn’t stick up for you he probably just ignores them and doesn’t want to make it a big deal. But this cannot go on if it will affect your marriage. Good luck!!

I should have included he has stepped before. And everyone was like what oh no not us. I think he loves them too much and i don’t want to be the person who tells him to choose.

Don't worry and waste good energy. Focus on being a bride. You can draw bees with honey. Be kind and sweet.

My fiancé’s family doesn’t even care we’re getting married besides maybe his oldest sister, she’s the only one who’s ever really seemed to care I exist. Then there’s his other sister, who I used to be casual friends with, in fact we met at her house on a new year’s eve years ago. But once we started dating she started hating. Became so passive aggressive and then straight up insanely mean that I just cut her off. It’s still super awkward and uncomfortable at family stuff even 5 years later. Not to mention his family had a really strange dynamic to begin with and among all his siblings and their kids I’m the only non-blood relation. And they’re all in their 40s/almost 50s. I’m definitely an outsider to them.

At least some of his family isn’t racist and not particularly great at hiding it 🙃

View Quoted Comment I’ve got that too in the form of my fiance’s brother. Racist, sexist, homophobic, misogynist. Looked at his Facebook a couple times - BIG mistake. I had major rage. I don’t associate with him.

My fiancé's family does not care for me either and have been mean to me on multiple occasions. It use to sincerely bother me and hurt my feelings, but as long as the two of you are happy and have each others backs then that is all that matters. They will either grow to love you or eventually just back off. Enjoy your big day and don't let it bother you! Your wedding day is all about you and your soon to be hubby!

Sadly it won’t change. It may even get worse.I’m here to talk to anytime....

FSD got soooo much worse after FH and I got engaged in June. Things are “ehhh” right now tho, we shall see once she graduates from college and moves( ya me!) back in with us. I’ve know her since she was 14- 21yo now, and I wasn’t the woman directly after mommy. As this can sometimes effect the way they treat you.

His mother has been outright hostile. And in our home too!... and over the Holidays 😓
In August, while we were visiting in Florida- we NEVER stay with them, always a hotel because there is “No space”- she made the comment “Ohhh I didn’t think he’d be stupid enough to propose to YOU!” I was like WTH?! And replied with “Well maybe he sees that I actually Love him and Want to be around him. Maybe I, ohhh IDK- ima go out on a limb here, make him HAPPY! And isn’t that what you Want for your child? Someone who loves them and makes them happy!” And with a flip of my hair I walked away.

Sadly, sometimes we have to show our backbone and not back down, a confrontation of sorts, in order for things to change.

About 2 yrs ago, unfortunately after my FH younger brother passed and, his mother threw family photos at me( they were from FH younger 1/2 sister, his dad’s second marriage & a Huge issue w/his mom! btw) when FH & I had gone to pick them up. I lost it. I very loudly and firmly said “EVERYONE here lost this person! His father lost his son too, it’s NOT Just you and yet, ONLY you seem to be the one being hateful! ENOUGH!! Don’t Ever throw anything at me again, it won’t end well.” FH was out talking to friends, and when he came in I said “I want to leave Now.” We left and since then his mom was nice.... Until August and then again here this Christmas....
Our house is undergoing Major home renovations and we didn’t really want anyone staying with us, but FH cowed to his mom 😕. She couldn’t refrain from the housekeeping and so much stuff all over- as FH and I are living out of our suitcase/clothes on bookshelves in basement! Like it’s not making US crazy?! We have to deal with the nightmare contractors & construction, not knowing where anything is, 2 scared kittens...

I digress, Have a sit down with FH & his family and air any issues and inform them that 1) Yoj love their son and he loves you, 2) It’s time to get over whatever and move forward, & 3) You WANT them to be happy for you two & a part of your lives going forward... this just might be the trick to making it happen.
If not avoid the ones who have an issue & be coldly cordial.
GOOD LUCK 🍀

View Quoted Comment I think it is truly sad people like this exist...like there aren’t already enough problems in the world 🙄
Silly and childish.

First of all, I'm sorry to hear your in-laws have been so unpleasant toward you. I know from personal experience how hurtful it is.

Also, my personal experience has been that it can possibly only get worse (with the MIL for me) and it can very slowly get better (with the FIL and SIL for me). The really good news is that if you and your fiancé communicate and get on the same page and he's already stood up for you, then that'll save you so much distress in the long run knowing that your man is on your side (though he may struggle with realizing that his family can be huge jerks). My Husband stood up for me while we were dating, engaged, and now married but the MIL didn't seem to care. What I've very recently implemented is this: I told my Husband that I want to take back my independence and control regarding my relationship with MIL. That I intend to significantly distance myself from her, that I'll decide if and when I pick up her call, answer her text, or visit her be it for a holiday, a birthday, or a simple visit (read: I'll almost never see her or deal with her). And he was totally okay with this. Why? Because like yourself and your fiancé, my Husband and I have tried every tactic we can think of to make things amicable between MIL and me. And it hasn't worked. Some people seem determined to be miserable and angry at you (an "outsider") for "stealing their son." It's a crap reason but there it is.

Try to be civil but unless you absolutely have to, I wouldn't give your mean-spirited in-laws the time of day. You have the control. You're a grown woman with a man who loves you and is on your side. The in-laws have already lost (as it were) and from here on out it's all about you, your fiancé, your life together. You both work together and call the shots. Good luck!

I thought I had a good relationship with my future in-laws, until after our engagement. My FMIL and FH's brother's wife let out their true feelings at me after Thanksgiving, and it caused a lot of issues. Up until that point, all I wanted was a close relationship with both of them, because FH is so close with his family. Now I am realizing I was chasing something that is not wanted on the other end. It really gets to me, but I'm trying really hard to stop worrying about it and concentrate on OUR family (me and FH plus our kids). Of course, he is completely oblivious to it all, and to keep peace I try not to burden him with it, and do my best to "be the bigger person." I think the worst part though (for now) is that it makes wedding activities uncomfortable for me...especially because his brother's wife is one of my bridesmaids. As far as advice, I am unsure if it will change for you after marriage or not. In my situation, I am hoping with time things will get better between us, and that is what I am hoping works for you as well. Only time will tell!

I feel your pain in desperately wanting them to like you and see you as family after the big day. My FSIL didn't like me from the start, though I thought I was always kind and thoughtful of her and didn't (and still don't) understand why she decided we couldn't be friends. She manipulated me and tried to turn my then-bf against me, tried to turn their parents against me (didn't work, but FMIL is another story). When I would try to confront this head-on, tell her that we needed to work out our differences and be friends because I was marrying her brother, she laughed at me. Fast forward to us actually being engaged, she couldn't even feign excitement at our announcement, nor could his mother. He actually had to meet with his dad privately to air his grievances and concerns and how much they had hurt him with their indifference and lack of giving a you-know-what. Since that conversation his mother has apologized to him (not me) for her lack of enthusiasm and told him she doesn't want to be part of the problem (so, a problem is being acknowledged but no one will help me understand what it is and how to fix it) and his sister has started being really nice to me, to the point that it is strange.

The thing is, we are all different people. We all have a flavor, and not everyone will like it (my matron of honor said this to me, as she is my family and knew I was struggling). I am an acquired taste for some. It may take more than one try to decide I am good, that I am worth having, that I should be a staple. I have decided that their liking my flavor isn't necessary for me to be with my future husband, for us to love each other unconditionally. Their conditions are not our conditions. Their conditions may change, they may come around. They may eventually treat me like family. Or not. I have my own family that loves me and my fiance. I am gaining a husband and he is gaining a whole new family. Eventually, I may be adopted into his. Until then, I'll keep loving him.