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Expert November 2019

In laws sudden divorce?

Mrs!, on November 4, 2018 at 4:37 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 15
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Hi all, I know I haven’t been active lately but there has been a lot going on and I would appreciate some advice if you could so kindly give it! Smiley sad so many emotions right now. Me and my SO have been together for a long time (6 years to be exact). If you have read any of my other posts you would know that today (technically yesterday now) on 11/03 my future Step SIL got married to a guy who has caused a few issues in the family already (long story short). And at the wedding there was a ton of drama that unfolded (after photos, ceremony, dinner, dessert) later in the night after me and my SO left. ((Keep in mind my SO is an only child)). THIS IS KEY! So basically the drama was so bad that my future MIL might get a divorce from it (basically all 3 of us have been completely left out of the loop and there has been a lot of secrets and lying. My future MIL found out my SO’s other step sister is pregnant...through random people at the wedding. Everyone knew but us 3. Even her husband’s coworkers knew. There’s a lot more that’s happened but I want to keep it short.) In one of my recent posts I told you guys me and my SO wanted to get married on our seventh dating anniversary which would be on November 2nd NEXT year (2019) so literally exactly just under a year from now and we were worried his step sis who got married today would be upset if we chose to get married the day before her anniversary, but a year later. Well after all the drama that happened today my future MIL sounds serious about filing for divorce tomorrow... :,( so should we hold off on our wedding for another year, especially since if they get divorced this week, our wedding would be almost EXACTLY the same week she got divorced, but a year later? Also how do I go about being happy getting married if she gets divorced? We aren’t engaged yet but we openly talked about getting engaged soon...and married next year on 11/02/19. But my future MIL just got married about 6 months ago after having been with the guy for the same amount as me and my SO have been together. So her wedding (and potential divorce) all would have happened this year but then her only son and child gets engaged and married next year? I feel like it’s just so sad, bitter sweet, and rude of us. And I truly feel so bad. Also if any of you have dealt with a situation like this, how did your MIL deal with this? This would be her second divorce. And I’m worried because now all she has is her elderly (in his 90’s) father, her only child my SO, and her dog. Will us getting married next year be too depressing? I don’t want her to feel bad being freshly divorced and possibly not having a plus one by then. And us getting married during her first anniversary of her divorce week I feel is just even more sad

15 Comments

Latest activity by Jessica, on November 8, 2018 at 1:21 PM
  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
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    When you file for divorce isn’t when you get divorced so that shouldn’t deter you. This won’t be her divorce week. She hasn’t even filed yet and if they share any assets she’ll probably want to speak to an attorney before she does and that could take some time.

    As someone who has been divorced, I can tell you that for me, weddings weren’t depressing when I was in the process of getting divorced or after. I obviously can’t speak for an entire population of divorcing/divorced individuals, but weddings were still exciting for me because it meant my friends/family were finding their person. I’ll add to that for some people divorce can be liberating and something to celebrate- not something to mourn. Since you still have a year wait and see how things play out over the next few weeks and then sit down with your FH and come to a decision.
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  • M
    Expert November 2019
    Mrs! ·
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    Thank you you definitely helped me a good bunch. When I said divorce week I didn’t mean like actually getting divorced but like this would be the week that starts the separation legally. I know they take time but I just meant would this ruin the time of year for her next year if we got married nearly exactly a year after this chaotic mess... I’m not exactly sure if this will be liberating for her. I feel like her first divorce may have been liberating a tiny bit because she had an abusive ex husband. But her current husband isn’t abusvie at all. He’s super nice talks to everyone super friendly...just doesn’t have a back bone to his 3 adult kids and lets them walk over him, and his wife and me and my FH... just so they don’t walk out of his life. His kids nearly ruined their wedding 8 months ago and wrecked the house. That’s kinda where the chaos started and they almost got an annulment it was so bad. It had never been that big of an issue before. They just happened to drunken wreck their house while my FH’s parents were in their hotel on their wedding night. Anyways they worked it out for the most part but the kids still caused some issues. Like now for instance. But this divorce would be because of lies and secrets (including them agreeing to pay half the wedding and her finding out today that he paid for the whole thing which is why he never showed her the wedding venue bill because he didn’t want her to know he/they paid for it ALL.) and it was a huge wedding 150+ in a super nice hotel! So I can only imagine how much it was plus he paid for several hotel rooms. One was for his ex wife... my FMIL feels super betrayed and all three of us feel more outcasted than ever. We have always felt like an outcast but they have been super fishy the last few times we’ve seen them and now I get why (the wedding bill and the pregnancy). She was bawling on the phone for an hour tonight. Smiley sad
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    First, your anniversary of your divorce is a year after it is finalized, not a year after filing. Depending on state, and how efficiently people handle paperwork, her actual date of divorce will be in 3-15 months, usually. No way to know. It is not necessary to avoid anyone else anniversary when choosing a date. And it is not necessary to avoid the date of someone else's divorce filing anniversary, or the anniversary of the actual divorce, even if you knew what it was. most people marry on only weekends of any given year. Start eliminating anniversaries of good marriages of people close to you, people's divorce filings, actual divorces, due dates for pregnancy and a month either side for WP and both your closest family, important birthdays, and you will never set a date. Settle for trying to avoid getting married on the same day or 5 days before your family or closest friend's wedding whose date is definite, or already planned and booked family reunions, important milestone anniversaries like 25th where there is a party already planned and booked, and that is it. Once you set a tentative date, it may change , pick several possible ones and then see when venues are available. Trying to hold to your seventh anniversary day may seem important, but is it so important you will get married in a venue you do not want, or with people you care about most not there, or in a different church if marrying in one ? In the end, most people would rather a venue, important guests able to come, or ceremony in a place they want, over a date. The best idea, if you are planning a honeymoon after the wedding, might be to plan to have the anniversary of when you started dating in the week or two of your honeymoon, a small celebration that is just yours. And always have a few days between wedding anniversary and dating anniversary. Do not block out half the calendar, or work so hard for one date that you trade off other things you want. And as to FIL divorce, there may be 1-2 years before parents and family get over the divorce. Never k ow. Do not delay for that.
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  • M
    Expert November 2019
    Mrs! ·
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    Thank you! I’m just hoping it won’t also make it hard for her in general like having gone through another divorce but much more recent while also celebrating her one and only child’s wedding.
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  • Kayla
    September 2020
    Kayla ·
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    It may actually give her something to look forward to instead of a sad time. I’m all for family but you can’t base your future on anyone else. It’s so sweet of you to be worried about this but it isn’t anything you should change your plans over. It seems like maybe you have a good relationship with her so try to involve her in the process if she’s willing and make it happy instead of sad.
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  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    All my parents and grandparents have multiple divorces and that would never stop me from choosing my date. Like pp said, the divorce date isn’t like a wedding anniversary, and it’ll probably cheer her up during that time. Keep your date.
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  • M
    Expert November 2019
    Mrs! ·
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    Thank you so much you definitely shed some new light on this situation for me.
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  • M
    Expert November 2019
    Mrs! ·
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    Thank you I’ll definitely keep my date now Smiley smile
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  • HayMrsO
    Master October 2018
    HayMrsO ·
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    As a previously divorced person, I couldn't even tell you the date of separation or when it was final. In fact, I had to go find both of our paperwork when we went and filed for our marriage certificate because neither one of us knew. I won't speak for all, but I don't think most people really take note of that.

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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
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    Filing for divorce isn't the same as finalizing it. It takes a minimum of 30 days for the finalization and that's if you do a dissolution with no talks with lawyers etc making it take longer.

    First get engaged.

    Then decide if that's the date you love then keep it. Maybe it will help cheer her up to see her son so happy. Don't hold things off in fear of making people feel bad. That will just make them feel worse.

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  • M
    Expert November 2019
    Mrs! ·
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    That makes me feel better thank you! I doubt my mom can remember what day she filed for divorce either! I’m mostly just really sad about the possible divorce (we still don’t know if they are going to divorce or not yet...) because her husband has been so sweet and open and inviting to us and has treated us like family since day one. (His mom and her husband have been together a month longer than we have so we’ve pretty much always known him since day 1 and me and my FH just had our 6th dating Anniversary the other day so we have known him for over 6 years). I just would hate to see them flush it down the drain and for him to not be at our wedding. It just saddens me because I’ve always seen him as a part of the family. It would be sad to see him go. But on the other hand we don’t want his mom to suffer or be in a marriage she doesn’t want to be in. It’s a more weird scenario because I’m not sure if we would see him again since he isn’t my FH’s dad.
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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
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    Also this! I am also previously divorced and going to weddings was still a happy occasion. I held a little party the day my divorce finalized so it wasn't sad for me. People would tell me how sorry they were that I was getting divorced and I'd be like why? Now I can move on and finally be happy. So it's not always a terrible ending.

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  • M
    Expert November 2019
    Mrs! ·
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    Thank you that made me feel better. We want a short engagement (long story) but I would still feel a little guilt for ending up getting married shortly after their divorce or during their divorce.
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  • M
    Expert November 2019
    Mrs! ·
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    That’s actually a really good way to look at it! Maybe she will be happier if they do split up. She won’t have to deal with his daughter who are super rude and nasty to her. And she won’t be mad at him for not standing up to his kids all the time.
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  • Jessica
    Devoted December 2018
    Jessica ·
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    All of this! I've been divorced. Even if she decides to separate this week, paperwork takes longer. Then there's the actual separation period. Then the divorce.


    My divorce was liberating! I had a party with an inflatable slide and everything! So it really does depend on the person. However, if you guys aren't officially engaged yet, I wouldn't even begin to worry about dates and how it will affect other people.

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