In Laws Keep Inviting People - rant

That is very frustrating. I feel as though there is not much to do in this situation besides talk to them. I had to tell my mom she was cut off from inviting people. I mean a lot of people that said they wouldn't come didn't... hard situation but might be one of those talks. Sorry girl!

If they're contributing this might be hard to control. 1/4 of your whole budget is a pretty decent amount too. Their 1/4 of the budget would no doubt cover the cost of all these extra guests wouldn't it?

You do have the ability to say NO.

I would set them straight by kindly informing them that if anyone else is going to be invited, their meals need to be paid for by them. Or you could go with the ole my venue has a maximum capacity that's met. Your FH however should be on the same page and speak up too. Good luck!

I would put my foot down and say no more add ons. Way easier said than done though.

The 1/4 of the budget doesn't nearly cover the extra people they've added. Today FMIL said "I realized we forgot Sue, we should really invite her, she won't be able to come so don't worry about adding another to the guest list." This is my FH's aunt's mother in law. I've met her maybe once. So I texted FH's aunt and about an hour later she said "Oh Sue would love to come!" and gave me her address for the invitation. FUCK.

Also this happened a few times:

FFIL: I saw Jim and Jane today and told them about your wedding. They're really excited, they're going to look into flights today.

FH: Dad, Jim and Jane aren't on the guest list. We don't really know them that well, they you're friends.

FFIL: Well I invited them so...

Oh...well then your FH absolutely has to step in and say enough, we can't afford these extra guests.

It's hard when they're contributing to the budget but you can say enough is enough. It's not like they're paying for the whole thing, I think it's fair that you let them add people but now they've added enough and it's time to say that's it.

Break it down price per guest, and tell them You'll send the bill for every extra guest added from here out. People get crazy and forget that this costs money. It would suck to be drained dry over it.

We are having the same issues (already), and my FSIL is getting married next month and is getting it even worse. We plan on breaking it down by cost per guest (as mentioned above), because they think it costs "like 30$ for the buffet thats it". They forget about having to add extra tables, chairs, centrepieces, alcohol, and a buffet that is NOT only 30$. They are also contributing a small amount to our wedding, but we have definitely included more than enough of their invitees to cover that small amount. It is definitely tricky when they are contributing funds.

Ugh. I hate that. FILs do that to me too. "Oh, we forgot to put down FFIL's godparents. They won't come, but they should still be invited." Um, no. They're like 90, and I don't think FH even knows them. I have a problem with FH agreeing with his parents that people should still get invites even if "they won't come" as a nice gesture. The way I dealt with it is that I told FH, if I don't have addresses for these people by the time I address all the invites, they're not getting one. FH is pretty bad at remembering to do things sometimes, so hopefully it won't be too bad of a problem to deal with later. But I do feel your struggles.

My parents did that. My mom wanted "her friend" there. then so did my dad. they will be writing a check.

How were you, a couple invested and desiring an elopement, ever talked into a guest list that includes 260 people? I know, I read your post and did the math. Parents would be disappointed, so you decided to go from elopement to an almost 200 guest (currently 260 guest) wedding -- which is huge. On some level, it must have appealed to you. If not, how are you here?

His aunt's mother-in-law? Are you kidding? Does she also require a plus one (because she doesn't even require an invitation). Listen, I understand inviting in name only "aunts" and "uncles" -- those people who make up the snapshots of your childhood, but don't actually share your DNA. But his aunt's MIL -- someone you say you met once? Even for him, that's little remote, no? This is getting out of hand. Correction, it got out of hand. But hey, it's not my wedding. If you want to host his aunt's MIL's aunt and 259 other guests, go for it.

You realize, OP, that your 260 guest wedding is massive -- by any professional's standard. How are you dealing with catered food and alcohol? Are his parent's actually helping with that huge expense with their quite lean 25% contribution -- or is their alleged benevolence really the equivalent of buying their hand selected wedding guests tickets to your event? That contribution, with this big of a wedding, could go towards a portion of one vendor's bill -- maybe the caterer, maybe the officiant, maybe the DJ, maybe the photographer...pick one, but don't think it's going to all of those vendors. That's absurd. A parent contributing to a wedding does not get to claim their "my guest is free" cards -- and it's even less so if it's going to pay for individuals that you've meant once (and probably mean little or nothing to you...or him

If your parents added 10 to 15 people, then that's what your in-laws should be limited to. If they balk at that number, then go back to your original guest list of 180 and pay the costs yourselves. Or, really send a shockwave and tell them that you're following your hearts and eloping.

Consider this -- you've already done these parents a massive favor. A couple who wanted to elope, and intended to go that route, have already made a nuclear jump by hosting 180 original guests. Some couples, disposed to a very small wedding, are willing to accommodate their families and compromise with a 30 member guest list (50, if the family is lucky), and the couple alters their plan in deference to their families, but you've done more than triple that amount. If a formal wedding is that important to your families, they would have thanked their lucky stars that 50 or 60 guests were invited -- but seriously...260 guests?

This vision got away from you, and your wedding is in early September. Who knows...maybe this is your vision. Honestly, I'm rather confident that it is. However, if it's not, recalibrate, save yourself a boatload of money, and scale this back -- way back.

I had the same problem until i set my foot on the ground!

Sounds like your to late to fix this since your at the point of getting RSVPs back. We drew the like at 2nd cousins on my family. I would of suggested you do the same with Your family's. good luck

My FH and I have been in the same boat. We've had to put our foot down with our families and say thank you so much for contributing, but the guest list is getting out of hand and everyone is cut off. We did that 10 months in advance though...not three months beforehand when actual invites are going out. You really need to lay it down for your in-laws - the invitation train left the station months ago. This is not the time to be adding on multiple guests. Like Melissa N said, adding on multiple guests is not only a meal cost but an extra floral/alcohol/etc cost as well. This could get really hairy for you really fast.

Yikes! So sorry that you're dealing with this. As PP said, this is kinda tricky b/c your inlaws are contributing some money to the wedding. Some parents (luckily like mine and my FH), still remind us that it's our day and our decision despite contributing, but other will unintentionally use it against you.

Now that you're three months out, you DO need to put your foot down. ESPECIALLY if you've already sent your invites out. No more adding (say that you don't want guests to feel like they're being B-Listed, even if that's not the case)! And keep praying to the RSVP Gods that more say no. Because as was said above, this adds more than just the meal cost - its alcohol, more centerpieces, placecards/menus....

Contributing a portion of the costs doesn't give someone infinite power over your wedding or guest list. I understand the "if they pay, they have a say" sentiment, but surely there is a limit. FH needs to explain to them that unless they are willing to cover the costs of additional guests (not just food, but alcohol, favours, place settings, etc - all the items that are per person) then they need to stop adding. Each guest is another invitation to be printed, placecard to be created, etc.

Bad news, it seems as though the damage is done and your invites are sent? If not, do not send the invites! Scale back. I understand they are contributing some. But they are not paying the entire food bill. If you simply told them "these 60 extra people are costing us an additional $4000" maybe they would begin to come back down to reality.