In laws are not supportive of wedding

I'm so sorry that you are going through this! You definitely deserve to have your wedding the way you want it. A couple things I recommend: 1. I would stop talking to them about wedding plans, except for those that are necessary and directly involve them (such as, you said your fiance's sister is standing up in the wedding - only talk to her about things such as her attire, what time she needs to show up, etc). 2. The next time they say you should just elope, I would reply with something along the lines of: "Our decision has already been made, and we decided that we do not want to elope. We do not intend to change our minds."

I agree that you should just avoid talking about the wedding plans with them. I thought my family was supportive as my SIL, her mom, and my mom took care of the decor and helped me plan, but at the last minute my brother, SIL, niece (and flower girl) declined to come at all and my parents left after ten minutes. They blamed COVID but later admitted that wasn't the whole issue. They made me feel like I didn't deserve a wedding and that I was silly and small for having one, so I know how you feel. I hope everything turns out well for you!

View Quoted Comment Thanks for reading and the advice. I just feel so bad for my fiancé, because all he wants is for them to be happy for us and excited. His mom passed away from breast cancer about 8 years ago, and since then his 80 year old father remarried and had their wedding at the same place ours is going to be. I just don’t understand how people can be so unsupportive.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. I am so sorry that happened to you also. Planning a wedding through a pandemic is really stressful. We just want a day to celebrate with our family and friends, as I’m sure you did as well. Thanks for the advice. ❤️

The next time sis says anything negative, tell her if that is how she feels, she can't be happy for her brother's wedding, then she should stay home. You don't need her lousy attitude. You will plan without her. My first husband's mom snuck around behind our back and cancelled our wedding, so we would do what she wanted and schedule a bigger wedding, further away, a show-off wedding. Her son's feelings and mine did not matter a hoot. You have my genuine sympathy. You need to made it very clear to these people you are not standing there, vulnerable, and taking their crap. The next time his mom says it is an awful lot of money, your FI needs to tell her that if that really bothers her, if they stay home, it will save you two money. And you can invite other people. Should he bother inviting her? Because if she cannot be gracious about your wedding, you will be fine without her. ... People only have as much power to hurt you repeatedly as you let them have. And FI is letting them go too far. They are behaving in a socially unacceptable manner, disparaging everything. People who do that need 1 warning only, that when they continue, no one will want them around. And that is your FI responsibility to say . ( you deal with the bridesmaid.)

I would just stop bringing up plans about the wedding to them. At the end of the day you're marrying your fiancé not his family. Obviously I'm sure you would want a relationship with them but focus on your fiancé and wedding planning. Those are the important things right now

Stop discussing your plans with them. If they aren't supportive, don't invite them.

I was debating on whether to say this, old words from mu grandmother. Who comes from a place and time with no high school and marriage okay, never required, at 16. If you marry a man under 22 and never out on his own before, or over 40 regardless of circumstances, the family he comes from won't let go easily. They take it for granted they will always be first in son's priorities, as they always have been in the past, even as their mouths are urging them to marry. ... You are deserving of the love you find and the marriage you want, at any age. It is jard for you, and that is whyI think you have to take a hard line. They would likely turn this on anyone, it's not you. And that is hugely unfair to you, and why I think it should be quickly thrown back at them by FI.

Ugh. I’m so sorry. Have they expressed why they think you should elope? Is it covid concerns? Is it because you guys aren’t in your 20s? I don’t understand why people feel the need to (repetitively) interject their opinions on someone else’s special day- especially when they are not paying for it. I agree with PP, I just wouldn’t discuss it with them any further. If it is brought up again, I would probably remind them that they got to have their weddings their way, and now you would like the opportunity to have your wedding your way. And if FSIL isn’t married, I would make sure to tell her that you understand that when she gets engaged she will be eloping and not having a wedding (obviously, right? Because why would she be pushing anyone else to elope if she planned on having a wedding herself?! 😉) and that you support her decision to forego a wedding; And now you would like her to support your decision not to elope. Pretty sure that would shut her and MIL up. And tbh (because I am just a bold, straightforward person), if FSIL brought up elopement again, I would ask her if she would like to decline to be in the wedding, since she obviously doesn’t support it.
In the meantime, I would go radio silence about anything wedding related when it comes to those two people. My own mother has actually not been the most fun or supportive person when it comes to my wedding, so I went this route. I simply do not bring up anything wedding related to her, and it has been awesome! I can enjoy wedding planning without any sort of negativity. You deserve to have the wedding of your dreams. Don’t let anyone rob you of that or your happiness surrounding it 💕

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Well honey when it comes to life events people feel the need to express their opinions. You are not the only one with negative nellies. You guys are grown and should do you. You guys could elope and invite others but them and see how they feel lol. However, I am evil.

I think you both deserve the day you want and honestly you both should stop talking wedding plans with them. Can he talk to his father about this plans for friends? Only thing you need to tell them next is the date and location and that is it. No additional plans. I would share plans with other support systems that are happy for you.

View Quoted Comment My FFIL doesn’t think we should be having a wedding because weddings cost money and they don’t have that big of a family...even though we have not asked him for any help and my family has offered to help and they actually are excited to have a day to celebrate with family, especially after this whole Covid thing. I told my fiancé to just not bring up any planning or anything to them anymore, because the results and or reactions always leave him with hurt feelings and they aren’t just magically going to start being supported. It is just makes me sad, because this should be such a happy celebration and time.

View Quoted Comment ❤️ Thanks for your support. I feel ya on all levels.

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But in all seriousness they do not understand how many people have dreamed of a wedding and even if it was your second wedding you deserve to have a lovely day. Do not let anyone tell you differently.

View Quoted Comment I keep telling my fiancé the same thing about their responses. When it was their wedding they had it how they wanted or when the SIL gets married she can choose to elope, because that’s her Prerogative. This is our special day and we are planning for what we want. She’s even said to him things when I’m not around like “are you sure this is what you want” like she’s trying to talk him out of it, and then he feels bad and starts second guessing the event. It’s just all so ridiculous.

View Quoted Comment Amen. Neither of us have been married before and this is how we’ve chosen to celebrate. So it’s like “if they have don’t have anything nice to say, then they shouldn’t say anything at all”. Ugh people make me crazy.

I recommend you not bring up the wedding anymore to them. Also, it is your FH's responsibility to ask his family to keep negative comments to themselves

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That is normal. With wedding planning you learn who you can and cannot talk to. Ignore their opinions and just keep on keeping on.

Could she be upset that her father remarried and maybe has a poo poo look on weddings? Not that it is an excuse but I feel like you or your fiancé needs to directly ask what the issue is and why they don’t feel you should have a wedding. I also agree to tell them you’ve made your decision and now it’s time for them to decide if they want to be supportive or negative.

Ugh, that’s so frustrating! (I married my now hubby for the 1st time at 44. We were both so giddy. You deserve to be too). Definitely stop sharing details. But I think you could either tell them something like “I’m really excited to be marrying your son and we both want a wedding. Your comments are really hurtful and I hope you can be more supportive of our wedding.” Or you can ask your fiancé to say something like that to them. Big hugs to you. 🤗 As a fellow 40+ bride, I’m sooo excited for you!!!

Wow I"m so sorry. That sounds extremely hurtful. I don't think you guys are any less deserving of a wedding day just because you're in your forties! You guys found the perfect person for you that so deserves to be celebrated! I still wouldn't understand being rude about it but I could get it more if you'd each been married multiple times before but good grief it's your wedding! You guys should be able to do whatever you want with the loving support of your families.