In-laws and Thank You’s

It was my understanding that you technically have a year to get your thank you notes out. (If I'm wrong someone tell me!) But that getting them out sooner was preferred.

Honestly a month is NOTHING. We all know that! A Month in wedding planning time flies by!

Long story short, I don't think you're being rude.

I think expecting it after a month is a little silly. After our honeymoon we would only have two and a half weeks to get them out! They'll get it when they get it. I went to a wedding last June and the shower in April and haven't received thank yous for either. I'd rather get it late than not at all!

I've heard that too, that you have a year to send out you're thank you's, so for someone to expect a thank you card after a month is quite unreasonable. Honestly, If you know they feel this way maybe consider calling them up to extend your gratitude but other than that try to not let it get to you and do your best to enjoy the start of your life together as husband and wife. That is what truly matters and they'll get their written thank you on your time.

Send them their card and write in it for them to kiss your butt

I have never heard of a year for thank you cards. I would be upset if it took a year! I thought the norm was within 3 months.

I think it's a year after the wedding to send gifts, not thank yous, I think they are supposed to be two to three months.

Honestly, I can’t remember but I’m pretty sure I haven’t received a thank you from any wedding I went to this fall... lol so maybe you do have a year?

I would not worry about it. Do call the important members of the family and your closest friends and tell them thanks for being there and that you are working on the thank you's. Them waiting 5 or 6 months isn't going to kill them. They have to understand that you've changed your whole life and you need time to adjust and heal your wrist.

View Quoted Comment O that makes so much more sense! I must be getting them confused. I honestly couldn’t imagine waiting a year to send thank yous. Mine will be out ASAP! I aways feel weird using gifts before I send thank yous...

I’m still waiting on thank you notes from weddings in June, August, and December 👎🏽. August bride said her husband said he wasn’t writing them and since they are shared gifts she’s not doing it solo...

Anyways you are fine get them out in the next few weeks, and make theirs a priority to get them off your back.

View Quoted Comment I know FH is going to end up pushing all the thank yous on me. It's annoying, but not an excuse for her not to write them.

I wrote our thank yous, but had H address the envelopes. It's was a good compromise.

I have also always heard a year. Since a lot of people use wedding pictures in their cards (either as an enclosure or by ordering custom thank you cards), it's common for it to take a few months, since you can't even order the cards until you have pictures back.

No one should be reaching out to complain this quickly, that's rude. However, if it was more like "hey we put cash in the card, just want to make sure they got it!" that is reasonable and can easily be answered with a quick yes, thank you so much for your generous gift, we did receive it and will be sending thank you cards soon.

These were family members who didn’t attend the wedding, but had their cards hand-delivered by other family members who did. They’ve apparently all been talking amongst themselves about it, and my MIL basically scolded us about it. Neither she nor DH have ever heard of having a few months for getting notes out (and apparently their family is used to just phone calls for thank yous). A similar issue arose also before the wedding when they wanted their invitations 4 months in advance even though we’d given them all of the information verbally. But DH told me that apparently I’m now known in his family as a woman who doesn’t get things done, which they have a specific word for in Spanish, and man, that stung.

I will definitely be getting their notes in the mail ASAP (once as we make it to our new apartment tomorrow), and probably also have DH call these individual family members today to clear the air. He didn’t want to help write them, but after last night’s drama, he won’t be wiggling out of it. I’m just really steamed over all of this, because I HATE it when people talk about me behind my back and then send someone to let me know what’s going on, and I would have much preferred them just coming straight to DH or me if they had a problem.

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My question is where was your DH in all of this? If he hasn't heard of having a few months to get thank you notes out, then he should've stepped up and written the ones for his side. If he knew his family was used to receiving phone calls, then why didn't he call them to thank them?

View Quoted Comment Excellent question. I don’t think he knew anything about them expecting phone calls; that came from MIL. He was telling me to write notes. I had asked him multiple times to write the ones for his side, because my wrist has been slowing me down and it’s easier to write to people I know better, anyway. No help. I had to twist his arm to get him to sign the ones I’ve finished. (Believe me, we’ve had words, because on top of all of that, he threw me under the bus last night. His eyes were opened, and he’s apologetic and assured me it won’t happen again. I’m so glad we’re moving away from his mother today.)

I think you are fine. Get them out when you can get them out. Sounds like you had a wrist injury that made it difficult to write so that is understandable.

Traditionally, you have a year from the wedding to send a present; somehow people have confused this with sending a thank-you note. The timing of thank-you notes depends on which authority you read, but Miss Manners says you write them immediately. I interpret that to mean within three weeks of the receipt of the gift for a wedding.