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Dedicated August 2019

In law stubbornness

Jessica, on August 21, 2019 at 9:38 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 14

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Quick rant because I need to relieve my anger somehow 🤗🤗 my fiancé purchased a bottle of wine 6 years ago from Italy when he was on deployment. He gave it to his parents and they decided to save it for his wedding. Knowing this, we thought it was be really cool to toast with it at our wedding, seeing how he got it in Italy and they were saving it - so they told us - just for his wedding, so it would’ve been just the two of us or also his parents if they wanted. He is away (military) so I texted his parents about coming to pick up the wine to take to the wedding, instead of texting me back they texted him, saying it was their wine they thought they could do what they wanted with it, they didn’t want to share it with anyone, they were going to have us over to have it at a dinner sometime (he is in the military he does not live here and we don’t go over there for dinner because they’re not close). So now I’m stuck trying to find something meaningful to toast with 9 days out from our wedding because his dad wanted to drink the wine privately as a “special occasion” which our wedding apparently is not. I’m just more upset about losing the meaning of it, I’m very sentimental, I thought it would be unique. But his dad not wanting to share has upset me so bad, and if he has a closer relationship with my fiancé I could understand it, but they don’t even talk. So it feels very selfish to me to not just be like okay you want this to toast with, let’s do it.

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Pam, on August 21, 2019 at 9:22 PM

VIP July 2017
Becky · on August 21, 2019 at 10:00 AM
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They're right. Your FH gave them a gift (the wine), so it's theirs to do with as they please. They said that they wanted to share it with you ("they were going to have us over to have it at a dinner sometime") but that they wanted it to be private - which is completely appropriate. You should not be toasting (with or without his parents) with an item in which not everyone can partake. Just toast with whatever is there and available to guests. I promise it won't feel any less special. Then get something on your honeymoon or on an anniversary that is "special."
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Dedicated August 2019
Jessica · on August 21, 2019 at 10:05 AM
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Yeah I definitely get that! It is theirs and that’s totally understandable, I think it was just more of the miscommunication that they said they were saving it for his wedding and then decided they’d do it another time. And it’s fine if we don’t have the wine, they were just very rude about it to him.
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Master August 2019
Allie · on August 21, 2019 at 10:08 AM
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People are allowed to change their minds. It probably isn't a big deal to them. Just buy some nice champagne. The toast at your wedding will still be special because you'll be married!
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VIP July 2017
Becky · on August 21, 2019 at 10:21 AM
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To be fair, they may have thought you were the one being rude by texting them about the wine. Not saying it excuses them being rude to him, just a perspective. Plus, a lot of times when things "are being saved for the wedding" it doesn't actually mean for at the wedding, but rather for before or after it, again, just a perspective.
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Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on August 21, 2019 at 10:59 AM
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It’s theirs. They may have meant they wanted to save it to celebrate his wedding — but not specifically AT his wedding, rather a private time
just the 4 of you to celebrate the marriage. To have it at the wedding, either they share with everyone or they feel weird protecting this exclusive bottle and not sharing ( a bit awkward).

Probably pre-wedding jitters but you’re putting too much stake in this one bottle of wine. Anything you get to toast with at the wedding will be special because it’s your wedding wine. Grab a nice bottle of champagne or a bottle of one of your favorites, if you have them.
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on August 21, 2019 at 11:07 AM
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Them saving it for his wedding doesn’t equal them saving it for you and him to have. I’m not even sure why you’d come to that conclusion. Maybe they meant they’d save it for pre/post wedding dinner at their house in celebration. They were probably rude about it because you were rude in asking them for something back that was gifted to them.
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Devoted October 2019
Lara · on August 21, 2019 at 11:48 AM
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Maybe find a wine from a region that is special to you two. Of one that has a special meaning (like the type of wine you had on a first date or anniversary or a wine that's a bucket list location for you two)
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on August 21, 2019 at 11:49 AM
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I agree with all of this.
Are you allowed to feel angry about this? Sure, but I would be very careful not to express that anger anywhere other than a venting post like this. Objectively, this isn't something worth getting angry over or labeling your inlaws as stubborn. Your future relationship with them is definitely worth more than a 6-year-old bottle of wine.
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Super February 2020
Jeanie · on August 21, 2019 at 1:26 PM
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Maybe his mother had intentions of drinking it at your wedding, but his father didn’t know and either drank it already or really just thought he was supposed to save it for something else. I can see how the response was annoying, but it’s theirs and they can do what they want with it. I personally have never heard of someone toasting with something different than what’s served to all the guests at a wedding, so I would think that they had meant to toast your wedding privately later anyway. The best you can do if you want something special to toast with is to go to a good wine store and ask for a suggestion. It’s really not worth getting too upset over, and you have plenty of time to figure out an alternative. Congrats on your upcoming wedding!
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Super October 2021
Suzie · on August 21, 2019 at 1:48 PM
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I can imagine the stress level 9 days out, BUT I agree with PPs that this is their wine, and they can share (or not) as they see fit. Saving it for his wedding does not equal you taking and using it how you choose. Toasting you in a more intimate manner sounds nice, and ultimately is up to them. It seems like an overstep to ask them for it, and I can understand them being upset by you doing so. This does seem like a small thing to be upset about. Just get something else, the whole day is special with it being your wedding day. Does it really matter what wine you use? Not really.... it's who you are with that matters. I would reach out and apologize for the miscommunication to clear the air. You don't need to be stressing out over one bottle of wine.
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Devoted July 2019
Martelle · on August 21, 2019 at 3:56 PM
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Agree with everything people have said above. This sounds like you're making this a larger problem than needed. Apologize for the miscommunication and move on.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on August 21, 2019 at 7:24 PM
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Your toast will still be meaningful and special! Try not to let it bother you too much!
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Master 0000
Judith · on August 21, 2019 at 9:16 PM
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Just buy something special, be it brandy or champagne or wine. Forget that special bottle. You did give it to them, so it now is theirs to do with as they want. And they do not want to toast with it. Chapter closed. There would be no positive value in their bringing no. Forget it. Go to the liquor store, or talk to your catering/ bar supply people . Something dedicated to your wedding only. It is a waste of energy when you see something as sentimental, and they do not see it the same, to try to inspire them to see it as you do. Don't stress out over it. You have more important things to do .
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January 2014
Pam · on August 21, 2019 at 9:22 PM
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Vent here to strangers, but I wouldn't bring it up to anyone you know, especially FH or his family. Don't make a big thing out of it; it's between him and his parents.
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