Skip to main content

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

C
Just Said Yes May 2019

In law issues

Carissa, on November 26, 2019 at 8:26 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 16
My mil and SIL have always had issues with my husband being with anyone. He had a bad past relationship 3 years before we got together. They projected those feelings onto me and I was alwyss polite and respectful. His mother will contact me and make very disgusting comments and his sister will do the same but she’ll say it to him. My mother passed away in June Of this year and not only did his mother make disgusting comments regarding if my mom was really sick but his sister texted him telling him I didn’t deserve kindness and a bunch of other things. I don’t speak to his sister and truly dont understand where these nasty feelings come from. I stay in my own lane. Fast forward and she started lying that she said anything (he has the texts). She decided our rehearsal dinner was the time to approach me after she kept running in and out crying because she wasn’t right next to my husband. She blamed me for everything that’s wrong with their family which idk how that’s a thing considering regardless of anything I’ve encouraged him to have a relationship with them. His mother pulled my best friend aside and told him the divide in the family is all my fault and she said it in front of my youngest sister in law who used to think of me as her sister. His sister spoke about my mom again and well I got pissed and we fought. She said she wasn’t coming to our wedding and she did but kept leaving. His mother puked during our I do’s. And then kept demanding we hurry things along so she could leave. None of them spoke to me at the wedding and ignored me. Gave me dirty looks all night. After our honeymoon she sent me a massive text telling me I was not welcome in the family, I was not a part of it, my husband made a mistake, etc. spoke about my mother. I’m just at a loss for words. Ive dealt with this behavior for 3 years and always responded with grace but this is too far. What should I do?

16 Comments

Latest activity by MIWM, on November 28, 2019 at 10:29 AM
  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I'm concerned that your husband hasn't put his sister and mother in their place and cut ties with them by now. Their behavior is completely unacceptable, my FH would have shut that down immediately if someone in his family said anything nasty to/about me. This is a conversation to have with your husband, he should have taken care of this years ago. To me, this isn't so much an in-law issue (though they are very horrible people from your description), but it's a spouse issue.

    • Reply
  • C
    Just Said Yes May 2019
    Carissa ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree wirh you. He’s talked to them many times about this and each time it gets turned around on him and told I’m controlling, etc. it just sucks Because anything he says to them is like in one ear out the other
    • Reply
  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    Then it sounds like it's time for both of you to cut ties with them. There's no reason to have a relationship with either one of them at this point. Cutting off family sucks, but I'm a firm believer that blood doesn't give you any rights. Toxic is toxic, family or not.

    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    This is why boundaries are important. The moment his sister and mother started talking badly toward you/about you he should have put his foot down and let them know that if they continued in that manner he wouldn’t be spending any more time with them until it changed. Telling them to stop without actually giving them any consequences if they continue allows toxic behavior to continue and sometimes get out of control.
    • Reply
  • Danielle
    Expert May 2021
    Danielle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    My fh husbands mom hates me. Buuuut she never disrespect me (to my face or his) because he doesn't play that mess. Never did when it came to me. She will be at the wedding but her and I just say hi n bye. She hates his brothers girlfriend too n his brother put her in her place over the phone.
    • Reply
  • Andrea
    Master January 2021
    Andrea ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I agree with Sarah completely. Your husband should have put them in their place the moment they started being disrespectful. It seems it has now spiraled out of control. My FMIL used to behave in a similar manner to me. It was really bad. My fiance told his mom she had better stop. She would send nasty messages about me and my fiance would ignore it. At first, I was mad because I told him that he needed to speak up more. But, then I saw what it did when he was constantly at war with her. She would just go around and blame me for why her son was standing up for me, I was apparently dividing their mom/son bond, stupid stuff really. So... as time went on, we just stopped going to her house for Xmas, Thanksgiving, she wasn't seeing her grand kids, etc etc. It was starting to bug her and worry her. She knows her son loves me and that I love him. She had to accept that I wasn't going anywhere. Sure, she could have continued her abusive rampage, but then she would be missing out on major life events. Her call, you know? At this point, all the disrespect that you have been given, Carissa should have been handled by your husband. It's not too late, and who cares what they say or who they blame? If they are really that toxic, all you can do is distance yourself. His mother seems to be portraying very common traits such as being upset in "losing" her son and looking for someone to blame. All is not lost! Have your husband once and for all tell his toxic family members that from here on out, their behavior will not be tolerated. If they cannot change, you both will not be around. Simple. Let them scream, curse, cry. Do they not see the stress they've put you through? You really don't want this to take a toll on your marriage. It's now or never. Both of you take a stand. And I really hope everything works in both of your favor. All the bestSmiley heart Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • M
    Expert September 2020
    Marcia ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Your husband needs to man up and not tolerate this behavior from them. My FH would never let anyone disrespect me that way, especially not his own family members.
    • Reply
  • Amber
    Super September 2020
    Amber ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    You shouldn't do anything but YOUR HUSBAND needs to put his mother and sister in their place and let them both know he will not tolerate them disrespecting you his wife.



    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    I agree 100%. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with these hateful people!

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    VIP October 2021
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    THIS!


    And I am sooooooooooo soo sorry that you are going through this. And the comments about your mom would’ve had me lose my crap WAY before you did!!! You can come at me, but disrespect MY family and game over!
    Although my FH won’t stop his adult daughter from being disrespectful, nor his mother. So I can’t really say much. And now “Darling” daughter lives with us and works for daddy, they also do Tae Kwan Do( sp) 5 days a week... So, yes, that leaves me with him asleep or getting ready to leave weekdays and having to deal with his “DD” and him on the weekend- her being mad that she has to either be with us or alone on the rare times he & I go out. Since she dumped her BF of 3.5yrs and is now “friends w/bennies” with 2 other guys currently. Or his mom saying last year “Ohhhh, I didn’t think he’d be stupid enough to actually propose to You!” Or “You failed as a mother” said because I was modeling and my mom took my son to upstate NY- from MD- with my permission to have him grow up with her and my grandparents. He has Aspergers & she’s always been his “stable person” as I was traveling a lot. I’ve seen them a lot and text with him all the time... Oh did I mention my ex( not sons dad) was abusive to me and MY child did NOT witness that- but FH ex( not his 2 kids mom) tried to kill him in front of them, threatened to poison them frequently and his Ex-wife told him that she was about to get a protective order so he could only see kids supervised w/out GF when they broke up?? So how is my giving my child a chance and him NOT seeing abuse me being a “bad/failure as a mom”???
    I’ve dealt with their crap for 8+ YEARS. Yes, HE is worth it.
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree with all of this. That behavior is unacceptable. Your hubby should be the one severing ties while reading them the riot act that their disrespectful and disgusting behavior is unacceptable.
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I agree with what everyone has said. He needs to really put them in their place. If she said something about my mom who is also deceased i would have blacked out and probably ended up in jail. Sorry they are this way. Lile Amber said blood doesn't make you family and there is family i have cut loose.
    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I'm very sorry that you have to deal with people like this. Your husband needs to stand up to them and let them know that their rude and disrespectful behavior will no longer be tolerated. And until they can learn to treat his wife with respect, neither of you will be around to deal with it. I fear that if this type of behavior continues, it will tear you and your husband apart. People can only stand to be treated like dirt but for so long...

    • Reply
  • Alejandra
    Super March 2019
    Alejandra ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    Could not agree more with this, it's not too late but too late can come so I would not hesitate to tell your FH that he needs to tell them that they either stop it or miss out on having you both around and the kids. My mil def made it hard for my hubby and I to even date in the beginning, she'd always question everything I did. For example they would have a party with a few neighbors over or a birthday or something and if I didn't go she's automatically assume I was out doing bad. One day she crossed the line and my husband told her that this was not for her to decide and that he loved me and wanted to be with me so if she didn't want problems to just back off and she did. It was uncomfortable or everyone involved but we were able to move passed it and be on better terms.

    • Reply
  • Aleah
    Dedicated October 2019
    Aleah ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    My husbands family was completely against me from the very beginning. Not for any particular reason, but just. Me being me. His brother said I was controlling because I refused to drink and do drugs and didn’t want him doing it either (when we met, he was a mess, and didn’t know it because it’s all he knew) so he would sit around and talk pure crap about me to him and everyone. Everyone but me. Worse my husband (bf at the time) didn’t take up for me, I ignored his brother, I knew he was bad news. I mean, he has been arrested once, fired a few times, and in multiple car crashes and “trouble” since then. That says he’s trouble. He still even up to the night before our wedding begged my husband to leave me and go back to his old life.. that’s just his brother. Now his mom.. she would hug me and tell me she loves me then call my family dirty and trashy and unclean (She didn’t meet them till the day of!! She knew nothing about them!!!) he was fed up then, he actually hung up on her and threw his phone telling me he’s so tired of the way they talk about us. Then, he found out her and his grandma had been scheming to break us up?? Didn’t happen obviously, on top of all this, she got her boyfriend who is a private investigator, to investigate my family!! He went to my husbands work and warned him that we are dangerous and he should be careful?!?! He called me right after work to rant and was enraged. He has became a part of my family well before our wedding, my nieces have been calling him uncle Bryan for 2 years now. My dad had
    been calling him son too. He had even worked for my dad when he needed help and stayed over during hurricane Florence. My family had accepted him with wide open arms from the start even despite the rocky start and his problems he had to work through, we were a family. But his family had no interest in us at all. On our wedding day. His mom and brother came and stayed for 30 minutes. They watched us say our I do’s and left. Now, thanksgiving is here and they want him to go spend the day with them and ditch us, they won’t come here or anything. He won’t have it, he said he’s done with it, they’ve been doing it since we met and he told me , we are married now, they can join the family or leave, he even told his brother the day before the wedding that he can show up without his (seriously inappropriate) girlfriend or not show up at all.

    I hope your husband is taking up for you, if he isn’t, that’s a bigger problem, we almost broke up in the beginning due to it, I couldn’t handle it but I kept trying and I saw him change a little at a time, fast forward to now and he’s so my different. Since we’ve met, he’s been promoted twice, stopped drinking, stopped everything else, lives in a more stable and safe environment, and he cares more about himself and the people around him. Yet I’m a bad person to his family, because they want him to be like he use to be..
    He needs to talk to them and straighten it out or cut ties, you do not deserve that, they cannot cut you out without cutting him out, y’all are one now.
    • Reply
  • MIWM
    VIP June 2019
    MIWM ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    They both sound like Narcissist to me. Set boundaries and protect yourself!

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics