Careylee
Just Said Yes November 2020

In-law help!!!

Careylee, on October 9, 2019 at 9:12 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 6
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Ladies! New to the group and wondering if anyone has any advice on handle in-laws from hell?!

Little bit of back story- We get engaged Dec. 2018 and the very next day my fiancés brother says that he is going to propose to his girlfriend that he’s only been dating since Sept. 2018 (never had any intentions prior to this). He asked us to help with the engagement and we were super excited for them so we said yes because we had a really good relationship with them…at the time…

My fiancé and I go to Savannah, GA quite frequently and the two of them have never been. So, he asked us to plan the engagement for Jan. 2019 in Savannah. We thought that was a little weird since the two of them don’t have any history there together, but whatever, we drove up and everything was perfect and she said yes!

Now comes the wedding planning nightmare. We discussed wedding dates at Christmas with his family (they weren’t engaged yet), wedding ideas, etc. Well, since then they have taken our wedding date and changed up their entire wedding to match ours. They even asked us if they could have a joint wedding with us because they don’t have a big enough budget and asked me to officiate the wedding. They moved from a beach wedding to a barn/outdoor wedding just like ours. They even had the balls to ask us about using our venue. We have no earthly idea how his family is going to be at two weddings on the same day and the same time and this has obviously caused some major family drama.

His mother has been so hateful and played victim the whole time. She has talked smack about my family, saying that I only want them involved and even went as far to call my mom an alcoholic (my mom drank one friggin margarita and a glass of wine when we took them to a rel="nofollow" Garth Brooks concert). I have tried to invite her to tour the venue and reached out to her and she never replies or just doesn’t show up. My family loves my fiancé so much and they are actively involved in our day to day lives so of course they know more about our plans than someone who doesn’t show interest. Maybe I am just looking at this from a wrong perspective?

Some craziness has happened in-between all of this and needless to say most of his family isn’t talking to one another. For instance, they blocked us on FB, which was cool with us because we were tired of seeing all the hateful posts. Well then they make fake Facebooks to post about us and basically stalk our lives. It’s really weird and we are super frustrated about the entire situation and feel like everything they do is to intentionally undermine our wedding.

Anyways I could ramble on and on…. HELP! haha.


6 Comments

Latest activity by Heather , on October 9, 2019 at 2:41 PM
  • Elena
    Dedicated August 2020
    Elena ·
    • Flag

    In-laws can be so tricky! You are not looking at this from a wrong perspective at all! It is especially difficult if the mother likes to play victim because it can make you look like the "villain". I would say just try and stay very neutral and not give into anything that they are doing. They are making themselves look petty by blocking you on FB and creating facebook accounts. I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    Oh no. I am so sorry. They sound crazy. I thought my brother-in-law getting married 6 weeks after us was bad so I can't imagine how it must feel that they are planning a wedding on the same day as you. Personally, I think I would have moved my wedding date to try to avoid this drama. I know that sucks, but it doesn't sound like they gave you many options. I also wouldn't have talked to them about the wedding anymore. Since it is too late to change anything, I would just go forward with the wedding and it is their problem to determine whose wedding they will attend. It might be for the best that they don't attend yours as it sounds like they should just ruin your day anyways.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    Also, if they don't have the budge to plan a big wedding like they want then they should have a smaller wedding or hold off on the wedding until they can afford what they want. I would have just laughed at them if they asked to have a joint wedding and asked you to officiant it.
    • Reply
  • Littlebride
    Dedicated January 2020
    Littlebride ·
    • Flag
    Two of my aunts from my dad's side got married on the same day at the same time, as in they got married together. It was actually my dad's idea because he lived a abroad at that time and they both happened to want to get married that same year. So my dad said if you want me at your wedding you're gonna need to get married the same day cuz I'm not travel the the U.S twice in one year. And so they did.

    I mean I would talk to them and see their perspective on why they want to get married the same day as you.
    I don't think planning a wedding is something that's worth ruining your relationship with your future hubby's family. Their actions are very childish... but if it all started because they want to get married on the same day as you, I would just try and see if you can understand their perspective on why they want this.
    • Reply
  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
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    I would leave your fiancé’s family for him to deal with right now. None of it makes sense, and you shouldn’t have to keep rearranging your wedding around someone else. I get that they haven’t been together as long, but I don’t think that’s always a fair comparison. They should however get their own plans. I would have started feeding them false information so their wedding was completely different than mine, and then said I had to take what was available since they used my initial ideas. It stinks you have to go through this. Just keep your plans to yourself from now on, and if anyone asks just say you haven’t decided on anything else yet.
    • Reply
  • Heather
    Expert August 2020
    Heather ·
    • Flag
    That is so bizarre especially the Facebook part. It seems like FBIL is trying to piggy back off your wedding, or maybe his fiancée was nagging him about proposing once she saw you guys get engaged? Jealousy happens a lot unfortunately. I would defiantly tell them no, tell them how their original idea seemed to fit them more, and stop sharing wedding details. Your FMIL is WAY out of line for insulting your mother - FH should sort that out if he hasn’t already and make it clear that they are destroying their relationship with him and their future one with you. I am so sorry you’re dealing with this craziness!!
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