In law disappointment

I'm really glad that you stood up for yourself, and I'm glad that you didn't apologize. It sounds like she was frustrated because you don't have a job (which is literally none of her business) and didn't seem to be doing your certifications on time (again, literally none of her business). She sounds like a controlling and potentially mentally abusive person. Nobody should try and control your everyday decisions that closely, and then resort to verbal and physical violence when you don't go along with their demands. Unfortunately, it sounds like the rest of his family is victim to that as well. Continue to hold your ground. If you cave and apologize, this cycle will just continue to repeat itself. And for the record, it certainly doesn't sound like you need to apologize for anything.

To help get you through this, do you have anyone to turn to for support? It sounds like your family and FH are supportive, which is wonderful. Continue to value those healthy relationships, and seek support from them. Anger is really tough to handle, especially when it's because of something out of your control.

I wonder if it would be helpful for you to give your FSILs some space to calm down, and in a few weeks asking them to talk again. Calmly explain what you see happening, and that you want to support them, too. If anything, listen to what their experiences are through all of this.

Unfortunately, you can't control FMIL's behavior and the lies that she's telling to the rest of the family. It is completely and utterly exhausting and heartbreaking to be in situations like this. A few years ago after college, FH and I moved in with his parents because we wanted to establish good job foundations in the city before finding our own apartment. After living together for a few months, and expressing our plan to move in together, I hear FMIL on the phone talking super negatively about me. Basically saying that I'm forcing FH to do everything against his will, that he would never do something like move in before marriage, etc. etc. Anyway, still to this day I am completely humiliated any time I'm around the family. I feel uncomfortable, talked about, judged, etc. And as a compassionate human, social worker and genuine person, it's hard. You can't force people to see you for who you are, all you can do is continue to live your life an genuinely as possible.

Best of luck to you, there's really no easy way. Just be sure to take care of yourself.

I can't even imagine being treated by my in-laws this way. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Stay strong and be good to yourself. Hopefully his family will come around, especially once you start having children and they realize their behavior is forcing you guys to keep their grandchildren from them.

This is a very sad thing that's happening to you, but, please remember, you cannot control what they feel or say about you. It is not up to you to control and monitor that stuff, you know what you did and how she treated you and so does FH which is what matters. Sometimes, you just have to accept the fact that no matter how much good you do, or how hard you try, some people are not interested in giving it back or even accepting it. It sounds like you are truly invested in your relationship and would go way out of your way to please and support your FH and his family, newsflash: you had done enough. Don't hurt yourself or your plans because of them. You have to remember that in a relationship it has to be both ways and both people putting effort and working things out. Let him take responsibility for his changes and work something out that will not affect you negatively like living at his mother's house. There are cars out that which won't cost a fortune, it if is just for a while, he can get something cheap until he can get on his feet again. You should not be the only one to make sacrifices and when you do, should not go to the extend of being mistreated and humiliated by anyone, let alone his own family. I hope you don't go back to live there, and that you don't beg for forgiveness for doing nothing wrong.

All of this!

Obviously your FMIL is a very dysfunctional and toxic human being and her family members have done nothing but enabled such violent and outrageous behavior. I'm glad you stood your ground and withheld an apology that was not even warranted.

Some serious boundaries need to be set here. None of what's going on in your life is any of your FMIL's business, regardless of whether or not you're staying there. Her approach was intrusive, controlling, and rude. And for the record, how you handled it was perfect. I don't even know that I could have controlled my reaction or emotion to some of the things she has said or done to you.

I always suggest talk therapy (even if it's just for yourself, but I would imagine it would help your FH too) to find ways to communicate with her. Like PP's have said, you can't change her behavior, you can only change your reaction and therapy would really help with ways to set those boundaries and communicate in a healthy way.

If she continues to be violent, I would probably sever all ties with her.

You also can't control what she's saying about you to family members. Hopefully, they all see her for who she truly is (as you have) and take what she says with a grain of salt sort-of-speak. Continue to be the better person. Her behavior is a reflection of herself, not of you or your FH.

Hugs!

Therapy - definitely! It's worth taking a few sessions just to see where you are, develop ways to set boundaries, affirm your feelings, etc. Sometimes it's something you don't even realize you need until you start.

I also think it would definitely be worth looking into couples counseling. FH and I don't have any pressing issues, but we went to 6-ish sessions and it was SO helpful and really strengthened our relationship. We learned how to really be a united front in the face of difficult family dynamics.

I think you handled it well. If you and your FH haven't already done so, I would suggest moving out together. That is a toxic environment and everyone else is just enabling your FMIL's behaviour.

Is your FH still living at his parents? Or are you both on your own?

Have you and your FH been paying rent while living with his parents?

Your FMIL's behavior was terrible and there is no excuse for it. That said, if you were living there rent free I can see how she would be upset and possibly feel like she was being taken advantage of.