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Just Said Yes June 2019

Immediate family only - can i invite 1 friend?

Sarah, on February 28, 2019 at 2:40 AM Posted in Planning 0 12

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My FH’s family is Irish Catholic - when we made our original lists of family members mine totaled 13 (including cousins, aunts, uncles) and his totaled somewhere around 70-80. When we added in our close friends, our guest count was much higher than the number of people we wanted to celebrate with. We decided to opt for a small immediate-family only wedding which will be 20 guests (5 from mine and 15 from FH). I would really love to have my best friend beside me on my wedding day, but she’s not “immediate family.” Is it in poor taste to invite 1 friend as my MOH if my FH is using one of his siblings as his best man? I don’t want to offend MIL who assumed my parents would pay for a large wedding that included all of her family members. Is it rude to have immediate family only and 1 friend as my MOH? I also don’t want to cause any rift in the family when FH’s cousins/aunts/uncles aren’t invited but a friend of mine is.

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12 Comments

Latest activity by HayMrsO, on February 28, 2019 at 4:23 PM

Super April 2020
Anna · on February 28, 2019 at 2:56 AM
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My FH and I are having a very small intimate wedding. We only wanted to invite siblings...well it was mostly my idea. No aunts, uncles, grandparents, nothing like that. Well with my siblings, their spouses, and kids that's a total of 16. He only has one brother. So I thought itll be fair If he invited a total of 16 too.
It is hard cause he gets to invite more people. I cant because of our budget. If I invite my bff, that'll be 3 more, so it means he'll need to add 3 more. The party will just keep getting bigger. But i dont think he should have any problem you inviting your friend. I think it's only fair. Inviting one more shouldnt hurt. I hope this helps.
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Super September 2019
Courtney · on February 28, 2019 at 4:05 AM
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I can see why you’re conflicted. Personally, I don’t find it rude. I would designate her as MOH and explain that FH also has a BM who happens to be a brother. Not that his BM was required to be an immediate family member. I don’t think a small wedding should mean eliminating one of the very few people you really want there. That’s just my opinion though!
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Super September 2019
Anna · on February 28, 2019 at 6:06 AM
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I don’t think it’s rude at all! Honestly my best friend I consider my brother/family, I would absolutely have them there with you on your special day.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on February 28, 2019 at 7:56 AM
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I think it's fine as long as you're okay with your FH inviting his best friend. It's not really his fault that his family is bigger than yours. If you get to invite your friend, he should be given that opportunity as well. I wouldn't worry about your FMIL. Your guest list is none of her business.
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Super November 2019
Kristin · on February 28, 2019 at 8:06 AM
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I think it would be fine. For most weddings I feel like MOH/bridal party is there own special group. It's not your fault that he chose a family member to be his best man. I say go for it!
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Master June 2019
Danielle · on February 28, 2019 at 8:27 AM
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You should totally have your best friend as your MOH. If anyone gets offended by that, shame on them. Just because y'all kept it small/immediate family, doesn't mean you aren't allowed a bridal party. And how rude of FMIL to assume your mom would pay for a huge wedding to accommodate her big ol' family! If she wants a bigger wedding, then she can foot the bill.
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Super May 2019
Jessica · on February 28, 2019 at 8:28 AM
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Definitely ok! It's your wedding and not in poor taste to want your best friend there no matter the rest of the list. Sometimes our friends are closer than family and you don't have to justify that.
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VIP April 2019
Nikita · on February 28, 2019 at 9:49 AM
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We're doing something similar. We are having an intimate ceremony (direct kin only) and have the wedding party (and their spouses) as the only friends there. Except her to be confused and hurt anyways if she wanted a huge wedding. However, that's more "her dream" of the wedding over you being rude.
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Dedicated April 2019
Lacie · on February 28, 2019 at 11:45 AM
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Totally fine to have your bestie in the wedding party! I'm sure it feels like she's your sister, anyway. I sure wouldn't worry about what mil will think. Sounds like she expected your parents to pay for her massive guest list? Um, that's what's pretty rude.

We're having a family only wedding, but my fiance is inviting a friend who is like family to him. I didn't give it a second thought, like, well of course he's invited, too.
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Savvy July 2020
Hannah · on February 28, 2019 at 11:49 AM
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I think friends close enough to be in the wedding party are an exception to the rule you created for yourself (not trying to come off as rude, just pointing out its your rule and you can break it as you see fit). It's your wedding, you should invite whoever you want! I would hope MIL wouldn't be so petty as to be offended over you inviting one dear friend, And if she is offended thats her problem not yours.
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Just Said Yes February 2020
Tanya · on February 28, 2019 at 12:56 PM
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Can your fiance invite a bestie too? I think as long as he was offered to invite one friend, even if he just says nah, I'll stick with brother, then it's okay. Plus it's your wedding! Don't have any regrets! Do you not have any sisters? Especially if you don't, then DEFINITELY you have the right to invite your friend as a maid of honor! If not, who would be your maid of honor? I think as long as you didn't already promise someone else to be a maid of honor (cause that might hurt them), then you are fine hun!

I'm having a small wedding too (guest list 12), but I'm not having a wedding party, just me and the groom!
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Master October 2018
HayMrsO · on February 28, 2019 at 4:23 PM
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I don't think that is rude at all.
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