I'm thinking of canceling my wedding...

I know this is a scary time (my father has had heart attacks and ended up getting open heart surgery). Your wedding is still a ways away. Just take a deep breathe and focus on the now. Take this time to be with your and FH's families and try to not worry about the wedding for a little bit.

I'm so sorry. I hope the best for your FMIL and your families. I just want to say, that people would understand if you felt that cancelling your wedding was the right thing to do. Keeping you in my thoughts. ❤

I do not have a similar experience and I am sorry for what you are going through. I hope it gets better for her.

My cousin passed away when he was young and it tore the whole family apart. At a time when I felt like we should still do get togethers instead of sulking and playing the sad card. My grandmother tried to cancel Christmas Eve after my cousin passed away (and it was almost a year later) when she had had it at her house my whole life. A lot of us felt like that a lost was even more of a reason to come together. I am not trying to be insensitive because I have lost my mom, but I feel like that should be more of a reason to spend time together. You never know how long you have left and you should spend it with those you love.


You do not have to act like nothing happened, but I think cancelling will only cause more of a headache than a help this far into the planning. Your guests could lose money too.

View Quoted Comment This is great advice! I did not look to see when the wedding was!

Actually I do sort of know what you are going through. My fiancé’s dad is sick and our wedding is ten hours from where we live. I had to do the awkward asking my fiancé of the what if. He said he talked to his dad and they said to go ahead with getting married and worse case, we come right back if anything were to happen. I did not think of this because of not cancelling. I feel stupid now.

Thanks everyone. I know you're right and to just see what happens. The guilt trip is just really strong right now with having a 16 month engagement. Everyone could have been there happy and healthy otherwise...

Idk what her situation is. But my dad had a heart attack a couple years ago with 100% blockage and he's totally fine. She could absolutely make a full recovery. Heart attacks are just really scary.
I'm sure she wouldn't want you to cancel the wedding because of her.
Give it time. You have plenty of it left. Dont cancel anything and see how it goes. Doing anything this soon, you might regret.

Thanks Mandi! that's so great to hear your dad is doing great! I'm hoping I can say something similar down the road. I'm obviously just having so many thoughts going through my head right now...thoughts I don't want to burden my fiancé with at the moment. your words are very encouraging though! thank you

I am so sorry you're going through this. I agree with pp's take it day by day for right now. If a decision needs to be made, wait and make it with FH's family at the necessary time.

sending you and FH good vibes!

I’m so sorry that you all are going through this. It’s such a scary emotional thing to go through. While I’m not currently in this situation...I am on older bride with adult children. As a mother, I would be so upset if my health or even death cancelled my child’s amazing day. I wouldn’t want that. I would want them to celebrate finding love and focus on being happy. If the worst occurs then you could always make sure that she is recognized during the wedding. Focus on the family right now and you will know what to do when the time comes. Best wishes!

We had a similar situation just not as close to our actual wedding date. My ffil fell in January and struck his head. He was in ICU and decompensated very fast. He ended being placed on hospice and died 3 days before his birthday. That was in January. Our wedding is Sept 7th, 2019. We struggled and still have difficult days. We know deep down that he would have wanted us to continue on and celebrate a new life together. I know that he would have wanted to be there but life is unexpected and bad stuff happens but life goes on. We have to celebrate new beginnings. We are also remembering and celebrating him too. We are having a memorial table. We had already ordered our wedding invites and that had his parents name. We decided to keep those same invites because he is a big part of our family even with him being gone. I'm also ordering a tie clip or tie patch with his photo as a surprise for my FH. I hope all goes well and she recovers.

I'm so sorry you're all going through this and hope your FH's mom recovers. (For what it's worth, my mom had a massive heart attack, requiring a sextuple-bypass. She was in her late-70's, with every possible risk factor, and she recovered and lived another eight years. So, give the doctors a chance, you never know; sometimes miracles happen....) Even if the worst happens and she passes, I'd encourage you to try to postpone making any decisions about the wedding for now. It's still 5 months away, and whatever happens with your FMIL, you'll have time to think through your options and decisions after this crisis has passed. I know it's hard, but if you can, put all thoughts about the wedding on hold for the next week or two. I know (truly, I personally know) how stressful things are right now. Try to give yourself time to stay in the moment with FH and his family, and just be as supportive as you can be. Unfortunately, this likely won't be the last medical crisis you two will face during your marriage -- it's just much earlier and more unexpected. One way or another, life really will go on, and sticking together and supporting each other will make a huge difference. We've been through multiple health crises with our parents over the 30+ years we've been together, and have dealt with losing three of them and one of my husband's brothers. It's really hard, but you're a team, and you'll get through whatever you have to. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Lean on whatever resources you all have available to see you through this difficult time.

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Thank you so much for these words. They made me cry...something that has happened pretty frequently these last few days. I'm definitely not planning on making any decisions anytime soon. Just trying to remain positive for now

View Quoted Comment I am sorry for your loss

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I am so sorry for what you're going through. But please don't guilt trip yourself with the "what if" game. I agree with the poster who said to just take this time with his family, and don't even worry about the wedding for a bit. You have time to make the difficult decisions should it come to that. Sending virtual hugs to you.

I got married March 2018, my father had heart surgery the December before and was fine by March to walk me down the aisle. My MIL was and still is on a kidney transplant list. We got wedding insurance because we knew we might have to cancel at any time if something went wrong with my dad's heart or my MIL got a kidney or took a turn for the worst. My MIL was also fine during our wedding. I would suggest get wedding insurance, if you haven't already, and still go forward as planned. Both my dad and my MIL had an awesome time at the wedding and it was something my MIL in particular could look forward to and brighten her days that she wasn't feeling well. You do still have a lot of time and if she does stay healthy, your wedding is a great thing she can look forward to.

Sort of similar situation, like 2 or 3 years ago my dad had to get quadruple bypass surgery and got a pace maker. That was scary as crap on us. Then this January he fell very very ill with the flu where he was in the ICU and almost died actually i think he did but came back to life. Now he's happy and healthy. Your FMIL can pull through. I wouldn't cancel your wedding tho, I know it'll be tough on you guys but I doubt she would want you guys to do that. Sorry for your situation,hope she pulls through!

What would his mother want?

I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I hope for the best ❤️

But, for now, breathe. Just don’t worry about the wedding. You don’t need to do anything right now. The wedding is still a few months off. Sure there may be things on a timeline nagging you, but none of that stuff is important. It can all be pushed off. People plan full weddings in less time! Don’t cancel now, in fact don’t make ANY decisions about your wedding— they’ll all be rash.

No matter what happens this week, you won’t know how you’ll feel in a month. And it will be different each passing month. There’s a large window of coping between now and then. Sometimes in the wake of tragedy, people need something to look forward to; sometimes they need something to focus their energy on. Other times, people just need time. It’s too early to try to plan for any of this.

For now, just pause. Breathe, be in the moment. Be prepared for change, but don’t change yet.

I can relate a bit to the feelings you’re feeling now. We had the experience of a close family member experiencing a massive stroke during our engagement. It happened early on in our planning (so no deposits), but the plans were rolling. And my first thought was panic that my dream venue might not work : in the aftermath it wasn’t clear if this person would walk again, and my beach wedding dream I suddenly realized was not handicap friendly. I started planning for what ifs. But, just mental prep, expectation setting, nothing rash or decisive. He got better, and things worked out. As he recovered it became important for us to give him more time, so he would be able to participate. It’s not fair exactly to say we changed the date as it hadn’t been set, but we did push things off...although if we had set a date, I’m certain he would NOT have allowed for us to change it on his behalf.
But, the other thing worth mentioning is, our wedding— chatting about it, discussing plans and ideas, it helped liven the mood through many nights of long hospital visits. It was like instead of focusing on stress and sadness and uncertainty, visitors needed the pick-me-up, to talk about something uplifting in the midst of it all. Though we were talking in the hypothetical, the bits of positivity here and there I think helped everyone.

Breathe. Be there. Pause wedding planning, but don’t forget it. Don’t decide next week. Revisit later. Don’t stress timelines. People understand. That’s another important thing to remember: everyone understands. If you send invites late: everyone understands. If you need to revamp the guestlist and do something small: everyone understands. If you need to cut some corners, of decor falls to the wayside, the cake comes from a grocery store instead of s fancy bakery etc: everyone understands. So don’t stress perfection and missing deadlines. If you go through with it, people understand playing catch up . Here and there it might be a bit more work, but it can always be done.

Wishing you all the best

My cousin was having a huge beautiful destination wedding at the Four Seasons in AZ. Her mother had had cancer several years before. About 2 1/2 weeks before the wedding we found out her mother’s cancer came back and they weren’t sure she would live until the wedding and she certainly wouldn’t be able to travel for it. They decided on a Friday 2 weeks before the wedding to have the wedding the following Wednesday afternoon at the hospital so her mother could be there. The hospital was out of town for almost all guests because she was seeking special cancer treatment. There were still about 75-100 people who made it last minute including almost all of their bridal party. Her planner was able to get flowers and a cake and a reception in a room at the hospital. It was one of the most beautiful and touching weddings I’ve ever been to. It was also very joyous despite the circumstances (and the patients and everyone at the hospital loved seeing her walk through the hospital in her dress!) Her mother passed away a couple of weeks later. I don’t think until this minute I ever thought about the flight I didn’t use because in the end losing the money didn’t matter. The hotel allowed her to donate the wedding so the funds were used to host an event for a church. All in all, I think people will understand and respect whatever decision you make. My cousin doesn’t regret not getting her big wedding because that wasn’t really what was the most important part.