My friend who’s the bride was one of my MOH for my wedding and kind of did the bare minimum and ticked off all of my bridesmaids with how she handled everything. She’s an event planner for corporate events but I also worked at a catering and event space for 7 years where I was also a manager at one time and have also planned and run events as well.
She got engaged in Sept 2019 and was going to have her wedding August 2020 before the pandemic hit. There’s 4 of us in the wedding party, me the MOH and 3 BMs. This is only really about two BMs and the one basically acting like the MOH.
Once the pandemic hit they had to pivot, twice, but she would make comments that she should’ve been married before me because her and her FI were together longer etc.
The first time I planned the bachelorette, I had already booked a place to stay at our location, and the one bridesmaid made me change it just because it was her preference and maybe $20 cheaper but not the same amenities and tried to push everything she wanted without talking to me.
The second time I tried to plan the bachelorette, the same thing happened where the one BM changed the dates on me for the bridal shower and bachelorette because it was more convenient for her. The same BM would also give me a list of requirements that would make her feel comfortable for the accommodations but then look in areas we couldn’t book Airbnb’s in due to our restrictions nor did they even meet her recommendations.
After the second bachelorette had to be pushed because of covid, I was asked on what would’ve been the 2nd dates bachelorette when we would reschedule by the same BM and said I was waiting to hear what our restrictions would be and when our lockdown would be lifted.
A week and a half later the bride messaged me asking me about the dates and I asked if the one BM was asking basically told yes. we had just heard news of a lockdown extension and I was waiting to find out about time off with a new job I was starting and a medical procedure that was booked 6 months prior and if it was going forward due to Covid. I just asked to give me some time to figure it out. Bride said she thought I wasn’t making this a priority when things were out of my hands. I asked her nicely to stop micromanaging me because I also know how to do events and her response was “I understand how this could be seen as me micromanaging you”.
This basically sparked a drama filled conversation. I asked all the BM their availability and one BM who had said nothing had started to say that is not having anything planned was impacting the brides experience and didn’t want her to feel like it wasn’t important. The same BM who’s been stepping on my toes agreed with the other BM with the “lack of plans” of what was going on and was just FaceTiming the bride and getting dates already discussed when no one had told me when they were available. They implied that the bride and groom were upset with me for my lack of planning and not meeting their expectations.
I politely told them that no one had communicated with me, people hadn’t been responsive to me, no one had asked me even what my ideas were and this was the THIRD time I had to reschedule and there was stuff outside of my control I had to wait on and I didn’t appreciate being attacked when no one had said anything. I also can’t book anything solid when I don’t have a location either. They were also giving me expectations I had never heard of and weren’t really high priorities given restrictions.
At that point I messaged the bride and said if there are issues with me I needed to be told about them and not skirted around behind my back instead of talking directly to me and I didn’t appreciate it when no ones actually communicating with me. We had a chat and she understood where I was coming from. She thought I wasn’t making her a priority when I said I had to wait on finding out my vacation time I would actually have when switching my jobs and other things on my life that kept me in limbo like this lockdown extension.
The bride moved her wedding to her parents retirement home 3 hours from where we live and where the one BM lives. Brides parents offered to host the bachelorette as a backup. The one BM said they possibly had a cottage we could use but not sure ideas if we could. I wanted to give the bride a different location.
I spent hours and hours finding accommodations and they would get booked up fast and no one would respond. I found one and booked it so we wouldn’t lose out. Once something was booked, two BM said it needed to be on water because “the bride specifically asked for it” when the accommodations I had been sending them didn’t all have water and no one said anything. The same two BMs basically forced me to cancel this one and book the cottage the one BM said we could now use because it was much more convenient for them but it didn’t meet the one requirement I needed and have WiFi for something I had booked.
I’ve been really frustrated with the bridesmaids and have been super communicative about a lot of stuff. When the location was changed on me this third time to where the one BM lived, I said maybe she take the reins because she lives there snd all of my plans have now fallen through since we’re going to such a small town. I had decorations and will be making goodie bags and had this one event that needed WiFi planned. She then pushed it back on me asking what I even had planned and what decorations I had snd then began to buy more decorations after I had given her a massive list of what I had gotten..
The bride is now staying at the one BMs house before the wedding, it’s where we’re getting ready the morning of the wedding, she’s getting her nails done with her before the wedding, and this BM is doing her hair for the wedding because the bride decided not to get someone to do three of us who wanted it hair.
About 6 months ago, me the bride and her mom went to a fitting and there was a comment that the one BM who’s been on my toes since day one was gonna be MOH but it didn’t make sense because she didn’t live where we do and is 3 hours away.
The bride also made the rehearsal dinner and rehearsal pretty early on the Friday evening snd myself and the third BM I haven’t even mentioned at this point aren’t able to take the day off and may miss both due to how early they are and I know the bride is pissed. The wedding is 3 hours away from where I live and 4+ hours for the other bridesmaid.
I really feel like I’m being pushed to the side and I am only in this wedding party now to save face because I was asked already. I don’t feel involved or that my opinion counts. I also think the one BM wants to be the MOH and I’ve been so tempted to just message the bride and tell her that. I’ve even made comments that it would be nice if her and I could even get pedicures done before the wedding the week of and I got excuses about them being fresher if she waited.. I asked for like 3 days before the wedding to do nails.
My husband who is one of the nicest humans is even fed up and ticked off with the bride, bridesmaids, and this wedding.
Any advice or help? Do I say something to the bride in how I feel left out and pushed to the side? Do I mention how much effort I have actually put in behind the scenes? I feel like our friendship is going downhill with this wedding.
