I'm really upset about my bridal shower...

I'm really, really hurt and disappointed by my bridal shower. For context, my husband and I had to emergency elope for insurance purposes last year after we already booked a venue and decided to keep it as a fun secret to be revealed at this years wedding since everything was already booked and non-refundable downpayments had already been made. I didn't want a bridal shower at all, and my husband and I bounced around the idea of having a "wedding shower" (mainly just a big party with friends with no gift obligations) at our house, but due to some repairs that popped up, it became impossible. My sil offered to throw us a wedding shower for free, and claimed that she and a few others from the family pooled money to afford an event to spoil us. We were hesitant, but agreed because she was so excited and it seemed like the family really wanted to celebrate us. From the very beginning, I made it clear that I didn't want a bridal shower, or to be center of attention alone. I wanted our male and female friends, and I wanted to be celebrated along with my husband. At first, she agreed. Since then, over time she's completely changed her tune. She refused to invite any male guests, and told us these events are "Only for the ladies." She's talked down to my husband telling him that she guesses he can be there, but this is mostly about me, because I'm the bride, and I'm only going to be a bride once, so it's not a party for him. She never asked my opinion on anything aside from what our wedding colors are and if I would be taking my husband's last name. I told her with confidence that I would (because secretly, I already have) She never asked what food I like, but I recently quit a very toxic job at an italian place I worked at for years. She is aware, but booked a venue with only italian food. She insisted that I make the dessert for the shower (since my new job is at a cake/cupcake shop) I explained that due to grad season and wedding season, I'm already swamped and we will be having the same cupcakes at my wedding courtesy of my boss, in 3 months. So I'd prefer not to have the same dessert at both events. I was then told by my mil that it's not about me, it's about my guests. We were told invites would be sent out in July for the August shower, and I received one in the mail yesterday. The colors on the card are not our colors, and she put "lunch with the bride" then put "celebrating (my name+maiden name". Since then a bunch of my friends have messaged me asking if it's just lunch or what, and if I'm not taking my fiancé's (husband's) name. I'm extremely hurt and frustrated because this isn't at all what I wanted and I tried my best to make it clear, many times. My biggest upset is that my husband feels totally excluded when my ONLY real request was that he was by my side the entire time and that it was about US, not just me, and that our male friends could come. Since the comment that "This isn't about me", I'm terrified to voice how upset I really am, and now I'm really, really dreading something that I thought would be a fun time with our friends to celebrate. I know I should be expected to just deal with it, but seeing my husband excluded and sad makes me even more upset. Especially when the invites make it look like I insisted on a one woman show, with my new last name nowhere in site. I really want to cancel it and not have to deal with it, especially since invites were sent out with no heads up, a month before we were told. What should I do?