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Celina
Savvy August 2022

I’m really unsure

Celina, on August 4, 2020 at 1:59 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 19
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So I want to have 4 people total for bridesmaids and that also includes the maid of honor so I guess three right so, so far I only told one person that she is one of my bridesmaid so one of my other friends granted I did write her name her down as an option for a bridesmaid but I didn’t tell her and then when we were all hanging out she put me on the spot saying so am I in the wedding and I said yes but I’m also a little unsure if I want her to be in the wedding. And then she was asking if were doing a destination wedding or one that’s closer and I said I don’t know yet we haven’t gotten that far then she pretty much said I shouldn’t do a destination wedding because of how it can be expensive and all I’m thinking is maybe I should take her off from being a bridesmaid because if the wedding is 2 years away if I did do a destination one then you should be able to afford to go, so I just want some ideas from my fellow brides and whatnot that’s here lol help please haha

19 Comments

Latest activity by Celina, on August 7, 2020 at 12:12 PM
  • Margaret
    Rockstar October 2020
    Margaret ·
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    I think you said it best, your wedding is two years away. There's no reason to really pick your bridesmaids now. And if you don't want this friend's opinion, I wouldn't discuss details about the wedding with her.

    In my early planning stages, I had people telling me they were definitely coming to my wedding and I was like, we are just in the planning phases and (at the time) we are leaning towards family only... You need to put your foot down now if you don't want her involvement.

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  • Molly
    Rockstar September 2020
    Molly ·
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    I would wait to pick bridesmaids until the wedding is closer. You will change you mind so many times in the beginning.

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  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    With your wedding still being two years away, it's way too early to ask anyone to be in your bridal party. Relationships change over time so I would wait until your wedding is closer to officially ask anyone. I had a best friend for 10+ years that I asked about 10 months prior to the wedding and we had a major falling out and we are no longer friends and she wasn't in the wedding. Never in a million years did I think that was going to happen, but unfortunately these things do happen.

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  • Celina
    Savvy August 2022
    Celina ·
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    How do I say it because I want to say it in a way that’s nice, because I just haven’t really decided yet
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  • Celina
    Savvy August 2022
    Celina ·
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    How would I say it in a nice way
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  • Celina
    Savvy August 2022
    Celina ·
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    How would you say it in a nice way though, it’s just that I don’t know yet is all
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  • Margaret
    Rockstar October 2020
    Margaret ·
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    It's as simple as I said it.

    It's still far away and we're in the planning phases. We haven't even decided on our budget, date, location, whatever. And then just STOP talking about your wedding with her. If she brings it up, change the subject.

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  • Celina
    Savvy August 2022
    Celina ·
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    Ok thank you.
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  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I wouldn't bring up the subject anymore until the wedding is closer. I would also hold off on asking anyone else.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Some people get pushy. So the best thing is to say some broad statement with no details to argue about. Then repeat. And repeat. Til it is clear , you are not going to get drawn in. " Jean, I have been advised by people I trust to do as etiquette books recommend, and not ask my wedding party any time before 8 months out. And, only after we have decided where it will be, and what date, and what the approximate costs will be. Please don't ask for more."
    From unexpected pregnancies, to job changes that require a move, or leave someone with no time off for a year, to people getting engaged after but marrying before you, any Yes before 9 months has a huge chance of changing. Plus, friendships run their course. There is nothing a bridesmaid needs to do before 6 months out. Nothing. Because their gowns come in 2-10 weeks after ordering, and you do it want to order early, to avoid $$150-$250 alterations to a $100-$250 dress due to size change, dresses are picked around 5 months, ordered at 3-4 . Parties happen in the last 4 months. So your instincts to wait are wise. There is no reason to declare early except the bride being excited. And read these boards. A whole lot of brides have problems that come down to, I should have asked BP later. ..... Practice not getting pushed around. My fiance and I are planning this wedding, and we will decide when we are ready. FI and I are the hosts, and we will set the guest list. FI and I are choosing the vendors soon, when we have a chance to discuss it. ..... 80 ways to quietly, firmly, shut the door on things you are deciding. That are not up for discussion. Be nice. But clear. Set boundaries.
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  • Celina
    Savvy August 2022
    Celina ·
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    Thank you for your advice ❤️
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  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
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    Like everyone said it's 2 years away and you never know what will happen down the road. Friendship could change or plans could change. I'd tell her that with the wedding being 2 years away nothing is set in stone just yet then stop talking about the wedding. But honestly if you hadn't told her so soon that she would be in the wedding she still could have seemed like a good choice up until you told her she was in the wedding closer to the wedding day. What I learned with planning my wedding is that weddings can bring out the ugly side in people.
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  • Celina
    Savvy August 2022
    Celina ·
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    The thing is I didn’t even bring up the wedding to begin with, she brought up the wedding and all the other questions now I should have said I don’t know yet but I was put on the spot in front of everyone and everyone was looking after it was asked so that’s my bad but I never brought it up
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  • Celina
    Savvy August 2022
    Celina ·
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    Yea I should have told her i don’t have any details yet when she brought it up not me lol, I didn’t bring it up
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  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    If she asks anymore questions I would just say you are still deciding.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Welcome to the wacky world of weddings. Where MIL buy large pheasants of ceramic, with holes in their backs, and give them to you 1.5 years in advance. Your centerpieces, only $240, aren't they wonderful? And your usually quiet godmother wants the 12 women from her faith circle ( plus husbands) for her share? ???? of your 80 invitations. Read Alice in Wonderland, Through the Looking Glass, and be ready for the strange things you were not prepared for, because, who would do that?


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  • Lauren
    Savvy September 2020
    Lauren ·
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    I agree with some others as you could wait to pick your bridesmaids if you want. Otherwise things can change, but you can edit that along the way also. In the end this is your wedding day for you and your fiancé. It is your decision what you choose to do. With destination weddings some people may not be able to afford to go and that is alright, but it is your day girl!

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  • Celina
    Savvy August 2022
    Celina ·
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    Lol thank you for the welcome 🤣❤️ I love it
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  • Celina
    Savvy August 2022
    Celina ·
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    Yea I wanted to wait until I was for sure for sure but when I was put on the spot I messed up but I’m taking good the rest of the advice for anyone else that asks me stuff and saying I don’t have details yet
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