I'm really insecure about myself?

Girl, you are not alone in this. I’m sorry these things have been weighing you down.. I feel like in our day and age, couples in a relationship are often more likely to feel that it’s okay to be attracted to other people while in a relationship with someone else. This is not okay. My FH and I both struggle with this—we both developed bad habits of looking at other people before we met each other, and now we’re trying to break out of those habits.

Just be patient with him, and ask him to be patient with you. Explain to him how deep the jealousy and low self-esteem and insecurities are within you. I’d also recommend finding confidence about yourself, give yourself positive pep-talks. Sometimes I’ll stand in front of the mirror and force myself to find the parts of myself that I actually think are pretty. And my self-esteem has boosted so much with time.

Also, you may not be a Christian (I don’t know where you are in life), but when you get those doubts that your FH may not really want you and may look for someone “better”, don’t listen to those lies. That’s the devil trying to tear you apart from the inside out. In psychological terms, it’s an invasive thought. When I get doubts like this (or when I have bad thoughts in general), I try to remember to pray and think about my identity in Christ Jesus. He brings me comfort and gives me strength.

I think the best thing for you is therapy or a woman’s empowerment group because the issue is so much larger than being worried about another woman out there who is prettier, smarter, etc. I’m saying this with kindness and understanding because I used to be just like you. And when are self esteem is that low nothing your FH says or does will make it better. We need to approve of ourselves. That comes from working on ourselves. If therapy isn’t an option, read anything by Brene Brown. She also had YouTube videos. You can do this. Once you start loving yourself for all your amazing qualities you won’t give other women another thought because you’ll know that ain’t no better woman for your man than you!

Very good answers from everyone
Keep in mind that most men dont have a filter especially around other guys. They truly dont see it as any big deal even if you get upset about it. Brush it off a stupid guy thing. He wants to marry you. Embrace that and feel fortunate for a good man this time. Confidence is very sexy regardless of what looks or else they have going on. Work on that confidence if even as a way to keep him interested and intrigued by you. Therapy sessions to work it out and change the way you see things. This feeling wont end until you drive him plus you need it for your life in general to be happy. Invest in your life and relationship. Much love

I used to struggle with this but not anymore. I focus on eating healthy, exercising and practicing good hygiene. That is what really goes a long way in physical attractiveness. Also, I focus on being a good partner, future wife and possible future mother. A woman’s hotness can only go so far. Her hotness is not married to her husband nor raising the children.

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I actually do take care of myself. Most of the guys I've dated have said I'm the hottest woman they've been w/, but still ogle other women. I never felt like I was enough. As I said I've mentioned how hot my ex was nor have my friends. That has made me feel like no matter what, they will always be looking around.

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I do try to brush it off as a stupid guy thing, but still makes me think he is looking for something better. Thank you for the advice.

I used to feel like this when I first started dating. In college I gained some weight and instantly felt my self worth plummet and I just burned through relationships.

I say this with love. You aren’t the only pretty girl out there. This whole forum is filled with gorgeous women, men, and NB/gender non-conforming stunners. This sounds like something you may want to work out with some therapy. It really helped me with setting expectations and boundaries in my relationships.

I dont personally know much about having low-self esteem but I would like to say having a psychology degree that you should become your own best friend, repeat positive daily affirmations especially one being that I am fabulous and I am enough! Find positive friends to be around, stop comparing yourself to others and realize that men are going to ogle as long as its not disrespectful its human nature no different from you looking at a hot guy on TV.

Let the EX go stop talking about him or try not to think about him. You are married appreciate the great man that you married and maybe seek counseling if a little ogling is your biggest issue you are blessed!

I disagree with a lot of points on her personally since my relationship is a bit different. but i will say that if it bothered you to a point of needing to vent that i think you should have a serious conversation with FH about how you’re feeling. he can’t know exactly how you feel unless you tell him.

Just keep reminding yourself that it is your internal dialogue that's telling you that (not him). Dont mess up a good thing by acting/thinking like you dont deserve it or blame him for feeling that way. That's like a self-fulfilling privacy. You said he is really good to you and that's foreign to you by the way you've been treated before. Its emotional damage that you need to heal within yourself. Work on it and let him know that you are working on it and to be patient with you. It's not trust or jealousy that's driving it as much as not feeling worthy. Many of us have been through that at some point and the good news is that you can fix it. I've just seen guys and ladies push away those that love them because of their own internal stuff. It gets to be exhausting for the other person especially the jealousy thing. Dont hide all of that from him but acknowledge that it's you (not him) driving it and work through it together. Sorry I'm so direct. I really care about your happiness.

Yes, I have definitely had these worries/feelings. You are not alone. I try and remind myself that even if was the hottest/leanest girl in the world, I still wouldn't be attractive to some people as everyone has different opinions on what they find "most" attractive. When I am feeling insecure I tell FH so he knows that anything I say that day might be coming from a non logical place. I then take active effort to make myself feel better and more confident. Confidence comes from within and affirmation from our significant other's can only go so far.

I recommend finding something that makes you feel confident and incorporating that into your weekly routine. For me its exercise (particularly weight lifting). Some of my friends its, singing, dancing, yoga, public speaking. Find what makes you feel uber confident and try incorporating it more often. I also read personal development books to help me be my own "hype man". Cuz like I said, confidence has to come from within.

If you actively work on it, it will get better (not perfect, I still have really bad days) but there are more good days. I hope this helps and I hope you feel better

I'm so sorry you struggle with this. I know exactly how you feel. I've had my fair share of bad relationships and being cheated on. I have learned to accept the fact that the human body is beautiful and that you can appreciate that but shouldn't be finding an attraction that distracts you from the one you love. God bless and good luck

Thank you everyone! I will try and work on my insecurity. I know FH loves me and has always respected me. Before meeting him, I dated a guy who was really insecure and controlling, I do not want to turn into that kind of person.

View Quoted Comment Okay, after reading this response, I think you may be overly sensitive with your FH mentioning prior attractive women and need to focus on overcoming your jealousy issues.

“I actually do take care of myself?”

I never once insinuated that you didn’t.
You seem very defensive. If you fear that your partner will always be “looking around” then maybe you should seek couple’s counseling?

I would seek counseling if I were you as it sounds like you have deeper rooted issues outside of what FH thinks/does/says. I'll be 100% honest with you, there will always be better looking people out there, that's life. There will always be someone who is prettier, richer, more successful, etc etc. You need to work on loving yourself for who you are and what you've done to be here today. Your FH is with you and not other people for a reason, an Ex is an Ex, sure they might be pretty but that's also a compliment to you as your FH must have good taste. I've never had self-esteem issues personally and I work with drop dead beautiful women (and men) all the time and so does my FH. We have trust in each other that we are enough for each other and yes there will be better out there but this is what makes us happy and this is what we want together. Talk to FH about your feelings of insecurity and then get help, maybe do things that make you feel better about you. Start a work out regime, skin care routine, new makeup/look, anything to make you see you as beautiful and proud of who you are.