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Devoted March 2019

I'm not trying to take another brides spotlight !

Yvonne, on October 14, 2018 at 9:35 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 14

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My fiance's little brother is getting married in may, my little sister is also getting married in may. Theye all young (19, 20, 21, and 23) and planned on long engagements when they decided to get married

My fiance and I have been together for a while, were financially stable, in love, and in a long distance relationship so when he popped the question we were going to elope. My parents talked me out of it (and I'm glad) so we settled for a short engagement. That means were getting married two months before both of our siblings.

My little sister has made it clear she thinks I've ruined her wedding. Ive tried to be supportive in helping her plan, being involved, and telling her shes going to have a very different wedding then mine. Her in laws are paying for a good chunk of it so shes having a ballroom catholic church 400+ person elegant wedding. My fiance and I are having a garden wedding out of town 200 people very colorful think fiesta and fun.

Shes told me shes been crying about it. That my mother doesn't pay attention to her wedding planning (I think this again in part to the fact that her FH's parents are paying for a good portion of the wedding and she doesnt think it's her place). My fiance says I tend to sparkle brighter than most people and suggests doing something smaller so we dont make our siblings feel bad. I dont think our wedding should suffer so that they feel better.

Any suggestions on how I fix the bridge or get my sister to see I dont want to take anything from her special day!?

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Kimberly, on October 15, 2018 at 9:22 PM

October 2019
Terez · on October 14, 2018 at 9:50 PM
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No your not trying to step on anyones toes.....but this is YOUR special day, and you should not downplay your wedding to satisfy her feelings. You and your husband plan your wedding, go all out as much as you want for that day because at the end of the day you will be married , your sister will still be your sister, her time will come for her wedding and she's gonna need your help planning it some kind of way. Have a glass of wine🍷 (if you drink) get excited for your special day and good luck to you both.😊
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Devoted March 2019
Yvonne · on October 14, 2018 at 9:58 PM
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Thank you Terez. I know I think I needed to hear that but it just sucks as a situation. I cant think of how to fix this other then changing my wedding and that's not going to happen... I think I just need to cry about it tonight and wake up over it tomorrow...😞
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Super May 2019
c · on October 14, 2018 at 10:17 PM
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My FMILs coworker just got engaged (they are extremely close), set to have her wedding two months before my own. I don’t mind, even though FMIL is way more involved in her wedding planning than my own. Had you chose the same weekend as them, that’d be a little different but you chose two months ahead of them. You’re not in any way stepping on their toes or stealing a spotlight. More forward planning your wedding when and how you and your FH want to and ignore them.
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Devoted May 2019
Denise · on October 14, 2018 at 10:46 PM
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She doesn’t own the whole year.
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Master 0000
Judith · on October 14, 2018 at 11:56 PM
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She is making her own misery. You ate in no way responsible. It is extremely immature to think that anything that happens socially 2 full months before her wedding is sucking attention away from her. She is not like a solar battery, that needs over 2 months of every ray of light available. People have enough time, attention, and love for more than one person's big event in their lives. She is working herself up, like a child unreasonably jealous of any potential taker of attention, when in fact, she will lose nothing. Since mom was not helping host her wedding she was already not doing anything for sister's wedding. So why does it matter if Mom now does something for you or anyone else? Someone needs to set her straight, that she is having fits about something that hurts her not at all. And that if she continues to carry on like this, all of her friends and her family will think she is a jealous child, and will lose respect for her. And then she really will have lost something. She needs to stop ruining her wedding and trying to ruin yours with her behavior. That is the only real problem in this story. Would she listen to her fiance?
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Master September 2019
Colleen · on October 15, 2018 at 12:13 AM
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You are not taking the shine from her. I think maybe she wants your mom to help more with the wedding cause we’ll it is your mom. Your mom feels out of place cause of the money issue. So I think she is taking out the anger on you. That is not fair to you. Has she had talked to you mom at all?
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Dedicated August 2020
KandiKrix · on October 15, 2018 at 3:50 AM
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Aww, sadly she is being dramatic about the whole thing. I can understand why she is upset and the worry that she may have about being outshined by your wedding, but there's not a whole lot that can happen now. She should be more understanding, but as younger siblings I think being a little bratty is part of the package. (I can day so myself being the youngest of 3 brothers and the only girl)

To look at it from her perspective, she and her FH have been in a long engagement and have been planning for longer and then you happened to want to get married so soon before her wedding too. Was there a reason for having such a short engagement and did it get brought up that it would be happening so soon before her wedding? If I were in her shoes I would feel hurt but eventually time would heal all of that.

Is everything set in stone already? If you can't/won't be changing the date there isn't a whole lot that you can do besides having a deep conversation with her although she will most likely be bitter about the whole thing.

Relax and enjoy the wedding planning process for yourself though and eventually she may come around!

Best wishes and congrats!!
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Master October 2018
DC Wife 10.27.18 · on October 15, 2018 at 10:11 AM
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She gets ONE DAY....She has no claim to the other 364. You have to do what makes you and FH happy. The other brides of the world will have to get over it.
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Expert May 2019
Emily · on October 15, 2018 at 10:20 AM
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I say no don't change your wedding for them, you deserve the wedding you want just as much as they do. Them getting married does not mean you have to compromise, everyone needs to compromise and understand that you are all happy and marrying the people you love and its just two months of celebrating each other! Personally I am very direct so I would tell her to get over herself but maybe just continue making her feel important and it can slowly cushion it a bit more for her.
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VIP September 2018
Rachel · on October 15, 2018 at 11:29 AM
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I think your mom's involvement is her real problem and she's putting it on you. She might also be feeling like the grass is greener on the other side and be envying things about your wedding. There are upsides to big weddings, small weddings, formal weddings and casual weddings. It's impossible to have it all and only natural to want what you aren't getting sometimes. You didn't pick your date to be married before your siblings, you picked it to married to the person you love sooner rather than later. You honestly didn't even pick the same month so it shouldn't be too hard for family to travel for both (traveling on consecutive weekends is rough). Assuming you didn't back of any commitments to help with your sister's wedding, I don't see the problem,
Try not to internalize her gripes. I would talk with her and tell her what you told us. Tell her that you think your mom hasn't been as involved because she feels out of place since the in-laws are paying for a lot. Make sure that you are there for her and help where you can. Just don't make promises that you can't keep! You will be busing the month before your wedding.
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VIP August 2018
Kristen · on October 15, 2018 at 11:58 AM
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Absolutely do not change your dream for your wedding because of her immaturity. You both deserve special days and she shouldn't be making you feel bad for wanting one.
My husband's brother proposed to his girlfriend 6 months before before we got engaged and they had a June 2018 wedding planned. I'd never really planned my wedding in my head before but all I knew for sure was I hate the cold and I wanted a summer wedding. When looking for a venue the one I loved had August 2018 available so we booked. I knew I didn't want to wait a whole other year to get married just because of their wedding was that summer. I felt like 2 months was a big enough gap and honestly none of the weddings stepped on each other's toes in the slightest. We were each able to have our own big day while participating in each others planning and pre-wedding events.
I agree with PP that maybe she is feeling a little neglected from your mother and that is exacerbating the situation.
I would just sit down with her and tell her how you absolutely don't want to take away her spotlight and her wedding is just as important to you and your mother. This should be a fun time where you guys could be planning together.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on October 15, 2018 at 1:37 PM
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I would just let her get over it. As long as it's not changing her wedding-related things (bridal shower, bachelorette, couples shower, dress shopping, etc.) or budget then I wouldn't worry.
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Devoted March 2019
Yvonne · on October 15, 2018 at 6:52 PM
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Thanks everyone. She called and we cried it out. I hope things are better going forward. We both want to be happy for each other.
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Expert October 2019
Kimberly · on October 15, 2018 at 9:22 PM
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You deserve to have beautiful wedding just as much as she does. It was their choice to have a long engagement. Try sitting her down, with your mother, and clearing the air. Your wedding doesn't make her wedding any less special and vise versa. Plus half of her guests won't even be aware of your wedding. You shouldn't feel like you need to put your wedding on hold to please someone else.
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