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Savvy June 2024

I’m not sure how to feel.

Paige, on July 5, 2021 at 3:27 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 47

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Ok. So my fiancé and I have been together three years now and he proposed one night and I said yes. Well he wanted to keep it a secret until he got me a ring which I was ok with at the time. The problem is it is now two years later and still no ring and I told people because why be not be excited about us getting married. When I ask him about the ring he says he’s saving for it and to be patient also that if he really wanted to he would make it happen and go get it now but he wants it to be something special. The problem is he problem with his finances and lives his life paycheck to paycheck. We are now saving for this wedding but we haven’t paid for anything yet and there’s still no ring. He also is ok with saving but is in no rush to really do anything until he gets the ring but he is showing zero effort towards it. The more I ask the more annoyed he gets and I’m so frustrated because this is not at all how I expected an engagement to go and I feel like I’m the only one taking any of this seriously. We have even had time lines. Like ok it will happen by this month and it never happened. He’s an amazing guy otherwise and I love him to death but this is really upsetting me. We have even gotten in a fight or two about it and he acts like I’m telling him he’s a piece of crap when that’s not the case. I feel like it will never happen and I don’t know what to do. I feel like just calling the entire thing off. I just don’t know if I’m being selfish or expecting too much from him.

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47 Comments

Latest activity by Paige, on July 7, 2021 at 1:05 PM

Super July 2020
Cool · on July 5, 2021 at 3:56 PM
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It’s time for a serious chat with him. You mention he’s already moved timelines, he will continue to do that as long as you continue going along with it. It sucks, but sounds like he isn’t serious about getting married. If he wanted to get a ring, he can buy a $10 ring. It’s very concerning that he didn’t want you to tell people immediately, people should want to share that news. I completely understand your frustration and embarrassment- he’s stringing you along. When you confront him about it, he makes you feel guilty rather than comforting you or offering a valid reason or timeline. Give him one last opportunity to get his stuff together and formally propose by the end of the month of stop all wedding planning and seek counseling - if there’s still saving hope at that time.
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Master October 2020
Yasmine · on July 5, 2021 at 3:56 PM
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Have you guys picked a date for the wedding yet? I get your frustration though because who doesn't want a ring? I would try to sit down and ask him does he have any idea or some type of timeframe on the ring and honestly just make sure that he still wants to get married
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Savvy June 2024
Paige · on July 5, 2021 at 3:59 PM
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Thank you for being so upfront. I honestly appreciate it. I’ll try again and see what happens.
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Savvy June 2024
Paige · on July 5, 2021 at 4:01 PM
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We have picked a date which is in June of 2023. We have even started looking at venues. Our plan is to pick a venue and put down a deposit this month. Should the ring matter if we start paying for the wedding?
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Rockstar July 2019
Veronica · on July 5, 2021 at 4:20 PM
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I guess I'm confused why he even proposed. If he wasn't actually ready to get married then he shouldn't have asked. It sounds like marriage isn't a priority to him and he's happy with the status quo. He obviously knows how you feel and you shouldn't have to argue with him about marriage. Both of you should be entering marriage of your own free will. I'm sorry, but you are going to have to decide if possibly never getting married is something you can live with because honestly it doesn't sound like things are going to change.
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Savvy June 2024
Paige · on July 5, 2021 at 4:24 PM
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When I question if he really wants this or not he says that if he didn’t want to he wouldn’t have asked. He also asked my fathers permission if that counts for anything at this point. And i told him if he isn’t ready right now that it’s ok to tell me because I don’t want him to feel pressured or anything end he always says no this is what he wants. This is partly why idk how to feel about all of this. I just know I shouldn’t have these questions or fears. Our relationship is perfect otherwise I don’t want to make it seem like he’s not a good person or anything because he honestly is amazing in all other areas it’s just this.
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on July 5, 2021 at 4:26 PM
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A ring is not a requirement to be engaged. I would tell him flat out that you really don't care about the ring and care more about moving forward with your plans for the future. If finances are that tight, it makes far more sense to just forego the ring or buy something super cheap. Also, I would maybe have a serious conversation about finances and savings goals in general because finances are the biggest cause of tension in a marriage. You need to make sure you two are on the same page with your goals for your financial future.
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Savvy June 2024
Paige · on July 5, 2021 at 4:29 PM
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I originally told him I didn’t want a ring because I’m always breaking and loosing stuff but he is the one who wants to do the ring. And then after two years of telling me I’m getting one or he’s saving or this or that like I feel like it’s all revolving around if he’s going to get it for me or not. And like we don’t make a lot of money but we make enough to be very comfortable. I don’t understand why all the excuses.
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Devoted October 2021
Ellen · on July 5, 2021 at 4:46 PM
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If it helps, I didn’t get a ring right away. We had been talking about marriage for a while and knew when he wanted to get married. We had planned a camping trip in June 2020. A couple of nights before he had said he was calling the priest. I asked if he had called and he said no I forgot. I said no biggie wait till after the trip. He said no! I have to call right now or we won’t get our date!! I told him to chill because you might not get your exact date anyway (Covid and brides rescheduling). Anyway he pulls over into a park and leaves a message for the priest. Priest calls while we are camping and gave him his the date. So officially getting married, but no ring. You don’t need one. We had the venue before he ever proposed. Backwards, but same result. Maybe sit down with him and talk. When you both find a venue see if he wants to put a deposit down.
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Dedicated September 2021
K · on July 5, 2021 at 4:51 PM
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I’m sorry, but this doesn’t sound like a man that wants to get married. It’s clear he knows he should because it’s what you want and/or because many men feel like it makes them a jerk not to marry a girl after they’ve been with her after X amount of time… but it doesn’t sound like he really wants to. Maybe ask him why and don’t let him be vague and evasive (“if I didn’t want to I wouldn’t have asked!”)

Actions speak louder than words, but patterns speak louder than actions or words.
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Savvy June 2024
Paige · on July 5, 2021 at 5:15 PM
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This definitely helps.
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Savvy June 2024
Paige · on July 5, 2021 at 5:20 PM
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The crazy thing is we have sat down and talked about it. And that’s when he always goes in detail about how it’s money because he knows every dollar he spent or how he wants something I’ll like but it always falls between money and he hasn’t found the right one yet category’s
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Dedicated October 2021
Tammy · on July 5, 2021 at 5:23 PM
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Depends whose paying for it. If it's all your money being paid out to venues then it definately matters as he has no skin in the game...do yall live together? Whose idea was it to go look at venues? I would be more concerned with the secrecy if that is still going on. If ring price is an issue he can buy a beautiful cz for now and replace it with another stone later or chose a less expensive gemstone setting. Lots of options. Does anyone know at this point or is it just him and you? Before I petsonally spent any money on a venue I would want to make sure atleast family and close friends now.
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Savvy June 2024
Paige · on July 5, 2021 at 5:29 PM
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Everyone knows it’s not a secret anymore. We do live together and we are both paying for the wedding 50/50 we have been saving for it almost like it’s a bill we pay every month. We split every single bill down the middle. And I asked him when he wanted to look at venues. He said idk what venues there are so if u find one then we will go look at it. And he knows I don’t mind getting a cheaper ring I mentioned multiple stones that are significantly cheaper that are just as beautiful. He said no he wants to get me a ring he feels I deserve.
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Dedicated September 2021
K · on July 5, 2021 at 5:53 PM
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I mean, I only know what you’ve written here but generally being strung along for two years is a bad sign. Did you originally set a June 2023 wedding date? He can go into all the detail he wants, but ultimately a man that wants to marry will accept the reality of the situation (I.e. he has no money and won’t be able to afford a ring or a wedding) and just do it anyway. Or AT LEAST be willing to discuss alternatives. He should be brainstorming with you how to make this happen as quickly as possible, not going on the defensive and setting goalposts that he keeps moving. That’s what makes me think he has some reservations.
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Savvy June 2024
Paige · on July 5, 2021 at 6:15 PM
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You are absolutely right. so my next move is I’ll talk to him again. Thank you
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Judith · on July 5, 2021 at 6:25 PM
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You are still a full 2 years out. The average person starts around a year. ( This WW website people average way sooner than most people.)******** Lots of people it's 7-9 months. Your boyfriend has talked to other guys and family, and likely is getting aggravated with you asking and asking, when you are thinking still 2 years away? Maybe backoff a bit. 😊Meanwhile, when the two of you have agreed to marry, you are engaged. You do not need a formal proposal or a ring to be truly engaged. Put down a venue fee if you like, then stop making commitments for s while. Do not ask bridesmaids until 6-9 months. There is nothing they need to do before that.
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Savvy June 2024
Paige · on July 5, 2021 at 7:01 PM
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The ring was his idea. I told him I don’t need one or I don’t need one as expensive I would be perfectly happy with something cheaper etc but he wanted to do it this way and we tried doing it sept 2022 but everywhere we want to do the wedding is booked so we pushed it back but he doesn’t want to get married u til he gets me a ring which he is dragging his butt on
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Devoted October 2021
Gabby · on July 5, 2021 at 7:05 PM
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Same with us. We knew when we wanted to get married and it was less than a year out. He still wanted to propose and make it special so we started planning a few months before the official proposal
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