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Beginner October 2020

I’m Marrying My Bil’s Brother

S, on December 2, 2019 at 5:50 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9

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Hi all! I’m engaged and getting married next October to my FH of 4 years. Funnily enough, my older sister got married to his older brother 2 years ago. While weird, my family and I have gotten used to this and we rarely talk about it at all. However, I’ve had many comments lately from other family or friends joking about it. For example, a family member kept saying how we should call it “2.0” or have our hashtag be “Haven’tWeDoneThisBefore?” These jokes are admittedly pretty funny, but there was a lot of drama at my sister and BIL’s wedding so people would prefer if my FH and I just eloped because they feel like they’ve already been through a wedding. It feels like we are getting pushed to the side honestly. We want a wedding though and we have lots of support, but I just don’t know how to navigate the jokes and negative feelings. Advice?

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Jennifer, on December 3, 2019 at 3:19 PM

Master November 2020
Kristen · on December 2, 2019 at 6:49 PM
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I would just be straight forward. I would sit down with your entire family and tell them that what they say and the fact that telling you just elope is making you feel horrible. Don't push your dreams aside because others are not being supportive. Let them know that you are having a wedding and you would love for them to be a part of it and then if ultimately they really are against the marriage then they don't have to attend. Sorry to be direct like that but I feel like your family should be supportive and I am a firm believer that if your own family can't support you they do not have to be there for the happiest day of your life.
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Super February 2020
Andrea · on December 2, 2019 at 7:16 PM
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I wouldn't let this dissuade you from having the wedding you want. If you want the wedding then do it, regardless of the drama. That being said, if I were you I'd only invite people who I know would be making the day a happy event and not sad. I don't need to have more people against the marriage just because of the weird coincidence.
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January 2019
MOB So Cal · on December 2, 2019 at 7:29 PM
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We've had long-term friends (like decades...) where two sisters married two brothers. They all have an awesome relationship and it makes it all the more special because their extended families are so intertwined. I get that it might sound unusual to some, but that doesn't make each marriage and wedding unique to each couple. I agree with pp who said you both need to speak up to those who are voicing their negative opinions about your wedding plans and tell them you are happy, so their comments are hurtful and you'd like them to stop. Sometimes people think they are being funny/clever, and don't realize how their comments might be perceived as rude. You need to tell them! Good luck!
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on December 2, 2019 at 11:30 PM
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I agree that I wouldn't let it dissuade you from having a wedding because it's not fair to you! You could keep it a smaller wedding, even.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on December 3, 2019 at 12:49 AM
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Honestly, this feels like the perfect opp to do whatever untraditional wedding you want! Choose a cool venue like an art museum, zoo, hotel rooftop. And/or add a fun theme like 1920’s or French. Nobody will complain if you guys want to buck tradition. 👍
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Super March 2020
Jennifer · on December 3, 2019 at 7:31 AM
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I can understand this. Family can be drama and cause anxiety but this is still your day! If you want an actual wedding then don't toss the idea entirely. We navigated this by planning a very small and intimate wedding. The guest list is caped at 28-30 people. We still have the flowers, the dinner, the photography, the cake and music. What is fun about this? You can spend your money on more lavish things versus feeding 150 extra people you haven't contacted in five years. Also, less room for drama!

Don't give up your dream just to appease people.
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Expert September 2020
Marcia · on December 3, 2019 at 9:50 AM
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My ex MIL and her older sister are married to ex-FIL and his older brother. People always looked at us funny when we talked about it.

Enjoy your wedding and try to ignore the comments.
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Devoted March 2020
Kelsie · on December 3, 2019 at 11:05 AM
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If you want a wedding I would go for it and tell you family how you feel. This is your big day and you only get it once! I would tell them that the jokes are not appreciated and you want them to stop.

FYI, my MIL married my FIL, and then my MIL's sister married my FIL's brother. It happens more than you think
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VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on December 3, 2019 at 3:19 PM
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Ignore them, or don't invite those people to your wedding! While one joke is funny, more comments like that are hurtful! Have the wedding you want!
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