I'm Hurt But Feel Like I'm Overreacting

I don't think you're overreacting and I would definitely be upset with him that he didn't tell you, but I would also let this go. If you believe that he wasn't unfaithful, then this happened over two years ago. And if your relationship is good with Jordon and she's never acted inappropriately around the two of you, this was probably a one time fling that neither one of them pays any mind to. I know it hurts and I totally understand that, but I wouldn't let this damage your relationship or your friendship with Jordon.

You have every right to be hurt. I would be sick to my stomach. Four years ago my fiancé left me and proposed to an ex girlfriend (not a sweet girl he dated a long time, a horrible person who was long distance for a short time and treated him terribly so what’s the appeal?!) but anyway after a lot of time and some therapy we are great. As long as it’s in the past it can always get better.

Yeah I think you're over reacting. It was before you and it's not like you asked before and he lied. I'd try your hardest to let it go.

Omg my husband not fiancé 🤦‍♀️ I’m still getting used to saying that lol

Has he ever given you any reason to doubt him? You say in the past that things have happened, but that you have worked through them which is good, did those things include him lying or keeping things from you? Because the fact that he kept this from you seems really strange to me. My husband has a female best friend, but I know for a fact that they have only ever been platonic. He never would keep that from me. I would be upset to if I found out my fiance wasn't completely honest with me about his past with someone who were living with.

It is hard to imagine our our love's with anyone else. In reality it is his past and you are his future! Don't let that fear muddy your relationship. You are building a life together and as long as he is honest and she is not in the current picture there is no reason to worry. Remind yourself you chose each other and enjoy these moments.

I can say it is hurtful but I can see why he did not tell you. Is she even still in the picture at this point. You admitted you are jealous so I feel you have answered your own question. It is ok to be mad but I would let it go. If he is loyal to you and she is no longer in his personal life (a close friend or something like that) then this is not the way to start your marriage. Even if she is around a hook up is sometimes just that. Men and women have sexual needs and that did not mean that he loved her and wanted a life with her like he does with you...if he did then he would not be marrying you. Maybe from this point on you two do not have contact with her but otherwise just live your life as a happy couple.

I'd be more than pissed. That's a huge no-no and to me, I wouldn't be able to trust him. My fiancé would never keep information like that from me. Like you said, the fact that he didn't let you know and let this woman live with you is super hurtful and wrong. But if you're able to talk about it, move on and trust him, then good for you!

What I don’t understand is why now, after being together for a few years and engaged to be married, are you asking about prior relationships? That’s usually something brought up early on if it’s something you’re worried about. I think you need to figure out that before you have any right to be mad at him. I mean, what were you expecting to hear or to find out? Nothing he said would have made you happy, so why ask?

Furthermore, you don’t seem to be upset with your friend. If you want to be mad, shouldn’t you also be angry that your friend never mentioned anything to you? You lived together, so it’s not like you never would have had time to talk. So why would you only be upset with your fiancé?

Honestly I think you need to let it go. If you’re as happy and in love as you say, this should not be an issue. But if this is going to continue to eat at you, I wouldn’t continue with wedding planning until you have it figured out and put in the past. I do get that you may feel a little betrayed by both of them, but it seems it was really an unimportant relationship to both. Take their lead and move on.

I know I would be hurt by this because it happened to me! My ex told me sexual stories and I stupidly would let him tell me. And then we would run into his exes in the street and he was still friends with them too. Needless to say I was just fuming by the end of the relationship because I just stopped trusting him, who knows if he cheated on me - but I know he cheated on his ex with his first ex cause he told me all of it! That relationship had red flags from the start and I never listened to my gut.

If you trust that he never cheated on you, you should move on and let this go. This likely happened before you guys were together. He definitely should NOT have allowed his previous paramour to stay in the same apt as you...that's on him. But, if you still have doubts about it you two need to have a serious conversation about where this relationship is going because this realization of his previous relationship is going to always be on your mind and you will start to boil every time you think about it. It will just eat you up and you'll just start hating him for something he did before you guys.

Why would it even make a difference to you that he dated her before you? It's not like either of them is carrying a torch for the other. Clearly, she's been a good friend. And it's not like you expected him never to have had a sexual relationship before you.

Keeping it from you was odd. But I suspect in his mind, it was totally irrelevant today, and he knew it would upset you.

I'm curious to know why you questioned him in the first place about past sexual exploits if it was before you two? Secondly, he wasn't obligated to tell you that, it would've been nice but not necessary. Thirdly, if neither him or her acted differently with or around each other why wouldn't you become friends with her? It sounds like they both respected your relationship both ways with her as your friend and him and your boyfriend. Wisdom says move on and don't allow this play in your head. Feel the hurt and move on, especially if you've seen no inappropriate behavior.