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Just Said Yes June 2022

I’m having my mom walk me down the aisle

Jb229, on December 11, 2020 at 12:30 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 14

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So I’m curious if anyone else is experiencing a similar predicament to me ...I’ve asked my mom to walk me down the aisle even though I’m on pretty good terms with my real dad. I also have a loving stepfather who has been in my life since I was five years old. Although I have a pretty strong bond with my real father, that relationship has been through the ringer over the years. I work hard to manage our relationship, but it’s very hard to do that sometimes, since he tends to act emotionally immature which has caused me a lot of stress and pain over the years. I don’t want to seem resentful, but that’s something I feel like I have to consider when deciding who will walk me down the aisle. My mother has always been my #1. She’s my best friend. And to put it bluntly, she was simply the more responsible parent to me growing up. Aside from that, I’m also just turned off by the whole idea of a man having to walk me down the aisle. Why does it have to be a man? Unsurprisingly, my dad is upset with me and is now threatening to not attend, and now I’m starting to second guess everything. But on the other hand, his guilt tripping and explosive reaction to this makes me feel more validated in my decision. So my question is, is anyone else going through something like this? Do you have a father/father figure, but prefer to give your mother that honor? I’m also interested to hear outside opinions in general.

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Jaclyn, on December 20, 2020 at 5:55 PM

Master January 2022
SLY · on December 11, 2020 at 12:40 PM
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Me! My dad was amazing growing up, and was there until I graduated high school. My parents got divorced, he left the country and remarried. Since then, I've spoken to him maybe 3 times this year, all through facebook messenger because he 'doesn't have a phone'.
I love my dad, and know his personality better than most, and know that what happened was for the best. Am I upset at the situation and that he acts like I'm not relevent anymore? Yes of cource, but I also try not to dwell on it and remind myself that I was lucky to have a dad that stayed until I was independent. That being said, he hasn't shown much interest in my engagement or wedding, and didn't respond when I asked whether he would like to attend or not. For this reason, I'm having my mom walk me down the aisle. She's been there through thick and thin, and has had my back no matter what.
My FH's family think I should invite my dad still and offer him to walk me. I get where they're coming from because of the whole, 'you don't want to regret this down the road', scenario. But ultimately, it isn't their decision and they don't know my family dynamic, just like no one knows yours. I kindly told them thank you for the advice, but I've made my choice. If my dad wants to come, then he needs to reach out to me. I've informed him about our wedding and asked if he'd like to attend, I'm taking his no response as a decline to my offer.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on December 11, 2020 at 1:09 PM
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It's pretty common to not have the father walk you down the aisle. Pick whomever you want.
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Master August 2021
Jasmine · on December 11, 2020 at 1:35 PM
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I'm not exactly in the same boat but I do agree with you that his actions validate your decision. I have a great relationship with my biological father and my little brother's dad (him and my mom divorced) but he's been there for me since I was real little. It only made sense for him to walk me and to keep my biological father involved, we will be performing a collaborative poem (we both write). He understood where I was coming from. Don't second guess. As bad as it may sound, if he's threatening not to come because he doesn't get his way for YOUR wedding, then so be it. Be confident and rock that aisle with your mother. Your father should just be happy for you.
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on December 11, 2020 at 1:46 PM
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It's completely your choice. I agree with you (why does it have to be a man??) but also, your reasons are valid because they are your reasons. It's likely no explanation you could give would make your dad understand. Try to remember that just because he is upset, it doesn't mean you did anything wrong or need to try to fix things. He can be mad and he can get over it. Just let him feel his feelings on his own. Stop talking to him about this topic.
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Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on December 11, 2020 at 1:54 PM
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Whycant you have both of them walk you down? No, I'm not having anyone walk me down. I haven't lived with them since I was 18 (over a decade ago) nor asked my parents for money since I was 15
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Master 0000
Judith · on December 11, 2020 at 2:23 PM
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Are you either going to dance with him, or have him give the first brief speech amd toast at dinner? One of the traditional parent things?
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Master October 2019
Meghan · on December 11, 2020 at 2:52 PM
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I had both my mom and dad walk me down the aisle. I am an only child and very close with both of my parents. I could not picture my wedding day without both of my parents walking me. If you are closest with you mom, and having her walk with you will make you happiest, go for it! Your real dad will hopefully get over it and attend your wedding.
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Just Said Yes June 2022
Jb229 · on December 11, 2020 at 2:53 PM
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I was considering having a father/daughter dance with my dad and then my stepdad. It’s up to my dad if he wants to make a toast. I don’t expect him to since he’s not too keen on public speaking.
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Just Said Yes June 2022
Jb229 · on December 11, 2020 at 2:59 PM
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Honestly, I just don’t want to battle the awkwardness of that. My parents are civil enough, but I get so uncomfortable whenever they are around each other (which is extremely rare). I know they would be willing if I asked them, but for me, the whole idea just gives me anxiety.
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Master October 2020
Yasmine · on December 11, 2020 at 5:45 PM
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Have you thought about having them both walk you down the aisle? I know it may seem like your fad is being dramatic but honestly most fathers look forward to that day. I know my dad was ecstatic & honored when I asked him to. His feelings are probably just hurt. But at the end of the day you can choose to have whoever you want walk you down the aisle
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Master April 2021
Michelle · on December 11, 2020 at 11:08 PM
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I’m the mom that walked my daughter down tire aisle. She’s had a very strenuous relationship with him in the 1st place. We divorced years ago & the man basically hates me. He’s the type of person that he’ll love & support you as long as you don’t screw up. Once that happens, he stops being involved in your life. She came out & admitted she’s gay- I couldn’t be more proud of her. She knows I’d never turn my back on her. When she & her girlfriend got engaged- they planned a small backyard wedding. She told him & he said he’d be there. Made a point of saying he’d be in town, asked where it would be, what time & what he should wear. In the end, he didn’t show up, didn’t even call. Final nail in that coffin. She had planned all along that I would be walking her, said I’d always been there (even when she didn’t want me to).
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Super October 2020
Eri · on December 12, 2020 at 8:52 AM
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I'm not in the same situation (my parents are married, I'm extremely close with my mom, but not so much my dad; it's gotten better over the years but there was a period where all we did was fight), but I also felt weird about having my dad walk me down the aisle. I opted for both my mom and dad to walk me.
If I were you, since it seems like both parents walking you isn't an option, I would stick to your original decision.
Though I don't know your dad and his history of behavior, I think any father figure who was expecting to have that honor and gets told otherwise is going to be extremely hurt and embarrassed -- but that doesn't mean you have to change your mind.
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Devoted January 2022
Amber · on December 12, 2020 at 9:18 AM
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I’ve asked my Mom to walk me down the aisle. I have not had any contact with my biological dad since I was about 12 years old and even before then it wasn’t a great relationship. My mother’s the one that’s always been there so I think she’s the one that deserves to walk me down the aisle. I also have a stepfather that’s been in my life since I was about 11 and he’s been more of a father than my father ever was and I’ve asked him to do a father-daughter type dance. If you want your Mom to walk you down the aisle do it.
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Dedicated December 2021
Jaclyn · on December 20, 2020 at 5:55 PM
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I am in a similar situation! My relationship with my real father was always pretty rocky, but the last like 3 years has gotten a lot better and I also have a great step dad that has been in my life since I was 4 but we also have our issues. I thought about asking my mom but honestly, our relationship is weird too and ever since she INSISTED on helping me with a wedding and planning (i didn't ask) she has kind of taken over and driving me nuts. So I'm not 100% certain yet but I don't think I'm going to have anyone walk me down the aisle. My reasoning is I don't think either of my dad's would feel "robbed" of the experience. My real dad has another daughter and they have a better relationship than me and him ever had so I'm sure when she's ready to get married he will walk her and my step dad walked my step sister and I have a half sister (his and my mom's daughter) that he will walk down the aisle someday. I also told them that no one is "giving me away". My fiance and I have been together almost 10 years and living together for 8. There's nothing to give away lol.
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