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Just Said Yes October 2023

I'm having a very small friends only wedding, how do i tell my friends and family that aren't invited?

Mary, on March 23, 2023 at 5:52 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 9

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My partner & I decided that we wanted to elope just us and we even told friends and family that was was what doing. There was a mixed reaction but honestly I felt confident in our decision. Since then we decided that what we really wanted was a friends only wedding and a small one at that ( 6 guests total). Now I'm struggling on how to tell our family that they aren't invited, but it's no longer going to be just us. I also don't know how to tell the friends I didn't include.

Truthfully we just didn't want a big event and we didn't want it to snowball. Financially we really can't afford a big wedding. It was easier when it was just the two of us because I didn't really feel like people had a right to be offended by not being invited. Now I feel like people will be hurt and upset and I don't want anyone to feel like they are less important than the people we did invite.
So far we have been keeping it a secret and most people think we are still eloping the two of us, but this secret is eating me alive. I don't want to feel like I have to lie to avoid upsetting people or that I have to hide a part of our day.
Any advice is appreciated

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on March 26, 2023 at 4:18 PM

CM · on March 23, 2023 at 6:22 PM
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That's a tough one with no easy answers. It's much easier to explain a true elopement or inviting immediate family only, than it is to avoid hurting immediate family and friends when you include some close friends and not others and no family at all.
If you are hoping to keep this a secret, then I would seriously advise against it. These things always come out. If you are this concerned about hurting people, I would personally consider going back to Plan A.
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VIP August 2021
Michelle · on March 23, 2023 at 10:35 PM
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Why are you ranking your friends? 2 witnesses can be explained, but not 6.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on March 24, 2023 at 12:43 AM
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I see your concern since this has crossed from elopement into tiny wedding. I would say what your plans are (just us a a few people), and if people ask if they're invited then just say that you'll be looking forward to celebrating with them when you get back.
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Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on March 24, 2023 at 11:38 AM
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Your concerns for hurting feelings are legitimate because feelings WILL be hurt here. What you have to determine is if it’s worth the fallout. There’s no easy way to break the news, you kind of just have to go for it. Honesty is best. But I’d spend a good amount of time factoring in feelings and aftermath before moving forward. You already have concerns and they won’t get easier. It’s your day and you should do what is best for you but you shouldn’t forget about future relationships when determining what “best for you” really means.
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Super July 2022
Shannon · on March 24, 2023 at 3:45 PM
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There’s no way to do this without a major fallout.
I have a friend who wasn’t honest about her wedding and it was a huge disaster.

Can you invite your absolute immediate family and close friends? How many people would this be?
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Just Said Yes October 2023
Mary · on March 26, 2023 at 2:06 AM
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Unfortunately no because my partners family is from a different country and he has a big family. My family dynamics are complicated to put it lightly. I appreciate the opinion of a potential major fallout, this is my concern too. Was the fallout with your friend from her lack of honesty or for the decision she made regarding her wedding?
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Just Said Yes October 2023
Mary · on March 26, 2023 at 2:06 AM
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Thanks for this advice, I really appreciate it.
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Master October 2023
Cece · on March 26, 2023 at 10:30 AM
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Unfortunately, it doesn’t sound like there’s any way to do this without hurting feelings. This will essentially give the impression of you ranking the importance of relationships. So your family will be given the impression that your friends are more important than them. And the friends not invited will receive the same message. I would stick to your original plan of eloping just the 2 of you. You initially loved that plan for a reason!
The only “loop hole” I could see is if you made those 6 friends your wedding party. Then you could say that you are eloping with only your wedding party. Although I’m not sure if that would really help with your parents or siblings.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on March 26, 2023 at 4:18 PM
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You don’t say anything. Send announcements to relatives after the wedding
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