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Beginner July 2020

I’m having a hard time with my parents

Kes, on November 8, 2019 at 2:25 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10

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So my boyfriend decided to propose to me about a month ago and needed to call my mom after. And when he called her she was very angry and have been avoiding the conversation for months prior. She has now manipulated what he said on the phone and told that story to my side of the family, so now they are not supportive either. I don’t know what to do. I don’t think it was fair of her to do that. I am in my last semester of college and she has been holding money over my head for my education. Do I give him back the ring because of that? She doesn’t even know we are engaged. I have to move to where I get accepted into graduate school and want him to go with me. I want to marry him sometime next year. We would be together 2 years at that point. His family has been nothing but supportive and want the best for me. So I have one side that is excited and one that is not. Do I ask him to propose again later? Do I wait? Do you go to graduate school and leave him there just to wait another year so my family is more comfortable with it? I’m lost and could use advice. He is an amazing man.

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Melle, on November 8, 2019 at 9:01 PM

Master October 2019
Meghan · on November 8, 2019 at 2:34 PM
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Why was she angry? Was he calling to ask for permission? Does she not like him or think you should wait to get married until after grad school?
You are an adult. If you want to be engaged and get married, then do it. You could always have a long engagement and get married once you finish school.
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Beginner July 2020
Kes · on November 8, 2019 at 2:48 PM
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I had discussed this with my mom and she said that I should finish grad school first. Which I understand. But I also told her we would be engaged for a long while and she didn’t like that either. She loved him, and twisted out of nowhere and I don’t understand it. She has always been controlling. And I fear she is trying to control this too.
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Beginner July 2020
Kes · on November 8, 2019 at 2:49 PM
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I also know that she is worried about us getting engaged and him loving with me where I’m going to graduate school.
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Beginner July 2020
Kes · on November 8, 2019 at 2:50 PM
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Moving with me*
he called to ask her permission
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Devoted September 2021
Rebecca · on November 8, 2019 at 2:52 PM
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Family is important. I am lucky that my mom loves my FH. I think this is something you really need to dig deep and decide what your true feelings are. I struggled to overcome the constant desire to make everybody (but me) happy. When I finally did (most of the time at least), I realized that I need to make decisions for ME (and MY new family). Our parents are important and if you have a good relationship with her, I definitely wouldn’t try to go against your mom “just because,” but I think it’s really important to have a serious discussion and hear where she’s coming from. You should still make your own choices, but it sounds like you do truly value her opinion.
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Beginner July 2020
Kes · on November 8, 2019 at 2:55 PM
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I do. I love her very much and value her opinion. But at what point do I start making decisions for me that make me happy? It is my future and I want her involved but she has told me that she will not accept this.
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Beginner July 2020
Kes · on November 8, 2019 at 2:55 PM
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Her only reasoning is that I’m not done with school and I’m 22
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Super March 2019
Alejandra · on November 8, 2019 at 2:57 PM
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I think that if either your Fiance or you feel that you still need to ask or permission then maybe you should take some time to just be together and grow together. My husband told my mom he was going to propose to me and she simply asked him to just to be true to me and take care of me. I made the choice to start living with him and together we began talking about marriage and bam he asked me and I said yes. My mom and sister as well as his parents knew the day he did it but it was just the two of us and it was perfect. You don't need permission to fall in love with the person your heart chooses you just need to be 100% in it. Good Luck, remember at the end of the day it'll be you living your life and no one else.
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Master October 2019
Meghan · on November 8, 2019 at 3:02 PM
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Your mom is always going to worry about you and your happiness and what is best for you. She's your mom, it's what they do. However, if you are 22 and about to graduate college and move on to graduate school, it is time to start living for yourself. I would sit down with your mom and have a heart to heart conversation with her. Let her know that marrying your boyfriend/fiance is what you want to do and what will make you happy. Maybe even agree to an extended engagement. He can still move with you and you guys can work on planning your wedding over an extended period of time while also growing in your relationship. But in the end, you have to do what is going to make you happy for the rest of your life.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on November 8, 2019 at 9:01 PM
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I am fortunate enough that my family absolutely love my husband but I have seen what it's like for parents to hate your partner as well through my brother through my best friend and what they have always done is just stick it out with their partner because they knew that that was the one. and eventually the relationship of the family and their partner improved or sometimes the family just kind of bit the bullet and said okay whatever do what you want. But it does cause a strain and tension when that happens. It's hard because this seems like it's timing involved and you don't want to strain any of your relationships. It also sounds like it'd be ok to wait.
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