I'm Broken.

I am having such a hard time coping with everything going on right now. I know that all of us are going through a difficult time. My wedding is towards the end of June. We have a back up plan that if things do not get better we will be getting married in May next year. This was the earliest day we could do without losing money. I cry everyday; we have been engaged for 2 years and together since we were 15; we are now 25. This day was going to mean so much to us. I know the health of our guests is important but my two extremely important people on my side of the family are old and I have a fear they will not be here in a year's time. One in which is my grandfather that I share a birthday with. I cannot imagine my day without him there; it kills me to even think about it. Many of us are going through a lot of emotions that we cannot explain. In my eyes no one is being selfish for wanting their wedding to happen. We are human; we are allowed to have emotions and be completely broken that this has to be a part of our special day. I can't imagine waking up in the morning that I was supposed to get married without all the butterflies. Not being able to put on the dress that I have spent two years losing weight to look perfect in. Not getting to see my husband's face when he sees me for the first time. All of the most exciting moments being ripped away. Yes a wedding will still happen later in the future; but it does not change the significance of the day that has been planned for so long. I’m emotional, I’m broken, and I’m lost.