I'm bitter.........

You can feel however you want - it's not wrong to be upset about people not attending or even RSVPing to your wedding - especially if they are family. How does your FH feel about it?

Its a mixed bag, yea you have to let it go, but its still crummy and you want him to have support and love around him so its understandable to be bummed.

I think your feelings may be a little premature. I think you guys should contact the unaccounted for guests after your deadline and find out how many people are actually going to be coming before you start to feel upset or bitter.

I would maybe wait longer to get upset? Maybe they are just last minute responders or are trying to reorganize schedules so they can attend? Do they live far away from where the wedding will be?

Isn't that labor day weekend? Maybe they are canceling (or not rsvping) because they already had plans or something of that sort? I know my FH family is going to be hit or miss about attending but he knows that about them ahead of time so it doesn't hurt his feelings the same way that it would hurt mine. How does your Fh seem to be reacting about it?

I guess we'll know by this weekend after we make the calls, but I really can't see more than 1 or 2 couples saying yes when they have held out this long.

Honestly, I'd be upset as well. You'll eventually have to let it go, but it's okay to be a little bummed for your FH. I feel this way too, but not because they choose not to come or respond, but because most of them are not living or are not close to FH. He grew up without his dad present, who passed away last year. His mom died 5 years ago. He has two sisters from his dad that he is/was close to, but only one of them is choosing to come. His uncle also declined. He will have his sister and son there as the only family members. Two people. So I feel you, your feelings are totally valid.

Yes, it's labor day weekend but we have had a VERY small decline rate from everyone other than his father's side. We sent out STD's 9 months out as well.

I would be pretty mad honestly. I'd get over it eventually but a wedding is a really important day for the couple it's not just another holiday or get together it's a life changing event and people should be there for it especially family.

That is disappointing to hear, because it is hard to imagine having a wedding without your family. My FH's mother kept him away from his dad's side of the family while growing up, so needless to say his dad's side of the family all declined (and I can't blame them). It sucks because his mom was an only child, and her parents have already passed...so that means his only family is his parents and his brother. My FH seems oddly okay with this, I guess because he didn't expect anything more, but he has said that he feels as though my family is also his family (we have been dating for 9 years). So at the end of the day, as long as your family welcomes him and treats him like one of their own, I think that'll make it easier on your FH.

As for making sure you know the headcount, might be best to do what some did and set up a deadline or else you need to count them as a no.

as for how you feel, I think people have a right to any feeling they have. you are planning a wedding, they are expensive and a lot of work. I would be upset too.

as for letting it go, in time that would be best, but for now no you don't. there's time for that later. for now feel how you feel because keeping things inside are just going to hurt you-

I guess you're right Shoe, my family does love and adore him. He doesn't seem nearly as phased by this as me, but that's just how he is. He has always been the type to just let things roll off of him. I know he has never been as close to his family as I have to mine, but he does see them at weddings, funerals, and the *occasional* other holiday. The sad part is, especially, that his father's side is a really tight knit group. I always see them on FB talking to one another and having family get togethers, but my FH and his brothers never really seem to get invited unless it's, as I said, a wedding or funeral. It's like a clique we aren't a part of.

I went threw this too ... We invited 30 people from his side 6 immediate family members are coming ( all in the bridal party), and one of his moms friends he hasn't seen in 15 years ( who wasn't technically invited). I'm very close with my family aunts, uncles, great aunts, second cousins will all be there and wouldn't miss it for the world! I've had to chalk it up to differences in family politics. I've talked to FH about it and he is a little disappointed but said in all honesty he has spent more time with my family who lives cross country than he has with his own in his entire life. So to hi they are his family as well. However we are having a pick a seat not a side sign to encourage people who might have been on my side to fill out his as well!

SoonToBeMrsG - we are date twins and going to be future Mrs. G's. I would be very upset for my husband but I am learning quickly his family has strange dynamics and what I would normally say out loud I have to rethink. You cannot go into your marriage already thinking negatively. I would sit down with your FH, find out who actually runs the family and have him have a heart to heart about your big day.

This is one of the reasons that during my " welcome to the guest" part of my ceremony I always say, "you are the family that the couple has inherited and the family they have chosen".

I have a feeling that's what is going to happen for my FH come our wedding too. He doesn't seem to care though so I won't let it affect me. I do have to start looking into good signs for the ceremony so people don't pick a side to sit down.

If FH doesn't seem concerned with it, I'd say let it go.

Today I came home to one couple accepts in the mail (raises the count to 18/44 for his whole family, 6/30 for his father's side) and my FMIL texted me 4 verbal no's that she received today. 12 still unaccounted for. I'm so glad I wasted all that money on pre-stamping those self addressed envelopes....

SoonToBeMrsG. Don't feel alone.

My deadline passed 7 days ago. I literally have my cousin (and his daughters) and my mom (with my younger siblings) showing up. TWO people on my side of the family and that counts for both my mom's side AND my dad's side total.

It's shitty as fuck to know that some didn't even respond and some have made "excuses" (like just to get out of it when i know the real truth why they don't want to come. They all hate each other and you would think that at least for one day people would put differences aside. I am still in the process of hoping my Aunt and Uncle will still make an appearence and bring my grandma (the only one on my side in the US). But I have low expectations.

I am happy to be walking into a family that does treat me as their own and that have contributed SOOO much for us in our wedding (not financially, but generosity in help and opinions)

My bridal shower...only my mom showed up as well.

It's embarrassing yes, but your FH will have your family there to support him. Hugs to you don't let this ruin yours or his day. you guys are there for each other

FH is from the south. We invited like 50 people on his side between friends and family.....literally only his mom and step father are coming. Even his own brother doesnt want to come.

FH has just learned to get over it and that the "friends" who arnt coming arnt his real friends....but really...it still sucks.

Im riht there with you with the stamps though. None of FH friends sent back their RSVP cards. They also didnt reply to his texts asking if they were coming. One texted him saying he sent it back...but it never actually came in the mail. Like all you had to do was drop it in the mail.