I'm a stepmother of the bride and I'm feeling left out

Technically speaking not even your husband is entitled to knowing a thing. However it feels like information was left out. Have you guys had a close relationship and she just now is getting distant? Has the relationship just been a mutual understanding of roles in each other's lives? What all do you want to be included in?

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We have gotten closer in recent years, but I try not to overstep. I have told her in the past that I know I can't replace her mom. When it comes to inclusion, I just want to know about more details and helping if she needs it.

View Quoted Comment Just remind her that you're available if she needs any help. Otherwise there isn't much to do and details don't have to be shared with anyone.

The best advice I received when planning my wedding was to share details with as few people as possible, since I was planning and paying for it myself. The less people know, the easier everything goes. Your stepdaughter isn't doing anything wrong. You feel how you feel, and as long as you don't tell her she is hurting/disappointing you, then you aren't doing anything wrong either. For your own sake, please try to get over this and just look forward to the experience of attending the wedding as a guest.

I wouldn't tell her how you feel because you don't want her to feel bad or pressured to include you, but you could always just let her know that if she ever wants or needs your help then you'd love to help. She might not realize you want to be included. Another thought was if you don't have a dress for the wedding maybe ask if she'd be interested in going with you to pick out something to wear for the wedding.

I’d advise to only kindly let her know “I’m here if you need help with anything!” Agree with Maggie that she isn’t doing anything wrong. I unfortunately found that sharing things even with family would open the floodgates for our decisions to be judged and arguments to ensue because of that….even though it was OUR wedding. She’s probably trying to protect herself from that. Perhaps she thinks your husband/her dad is not the type to do that and feels comfortable sharing with him.
Try to let this go and let her be the one to indicate what she would like from you. Sometimes the best thing someone can do for a bride is respect that she wants some space - even those close to her. I love my parents but sometimes I needed space from THEM during planning.

As previously mentioned, having her help you pick out a dress for yourself to wear could be a good wedding bonding moment. Just reassure her that you’re there to help in any way you can, even if it’s as simple as licking envelopes for invitations. It may not feel like much, but sometimes brides need us to do the tasks that don’t have room for interpretation so that they can have control of their wedding plans. You could offer to pick up any supplies she’s ordered from around town too

I know you might feel hurt or left out, but the bottom line is that it's not your wedding. She can choose to share or not share details with whoever she wants. There are things I've only talked to my husband about, some things only my sisters or my bridesmaids know. My mom and dad havent been told anything for no real reason other than I'm just sharing details with whoever pops into my head first. I wouldn't mention anything honestly. I would just try to work within yourself to attempt to not feel hurt about it and realize that she most likely isnt leaving you out on purpose, she's just closer with her dad.