I'm a bridesmaid, but hardly know the bride. Should i back out?

If you do not support the marriage, respectfully bow out and attend as a guest should you choose. You can definitely voice your concerns to your brother, but they are the ones making the decision to get married

If you don't feel that you can support the wedding and if you don't feel that you know the bride well enough to stand by her side, I would honestly drop out.

To answer your question: in my opinion you should not drop out with 4 weeks to go. You’ve had plenty of time and it could only have a negative impact to do so at this point.


As far as everything else, he’s an adult and has already made life changing decisions. You can have an opinion but to harp on the past won’t help. He was 18. Character changes. You make choices. Dumb ones sometimes. But he’s not a child and you can’t view him as such.

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I agree with all of this, he's grown and will have to learn for himself - you nor your husband can do anything about that. He is telling you that but who knows what he is telling his future wife. I feel like the story is one sided because you only hear him complaining but if he doesn't want to be there then he can leave. & file for custody or visitation if he is worried about not being able to see his child. One thing I don't do is get involved in peoples relationships because I don't want anyone involved in mine. I definitely would've said no to being a bridesmaid. Is there a reason that you waited so close to the wedding to drop out? Is your husband still in the wedding?

As long as you’re prepared for the possibility that removing yourself will ruin your (and your husband’s) relationship with this couple and their children, step out of the wedding. If you really believe she’s manipulated his brother into this life they have, you removing yourself will likely cause her to convince him to have nothing to do with you.

This is a hard situation to be in. But, I think I would just stick it out as a bridesmaid. As you said, the reason you agreed to the position in the first place is because you were afraid of creating drama… well, dropping out of her wedding a month before is definitely going to create drama. This person is now going to be a part of your family (and will forever be your nephews mother, regardless of whether they are married), so you might as well make it as pleasant as possible.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your thoughts. My husband is still planning to be in the wedding since it's his brother. We do want his brother to feel supported and I want to support him as well. I guess I feel that, as a bridesmaid, I am supporting the bride, who I do not know and do not feel I am able to support the way a bridesmaid should.


I guess I've thought about this for a while but kept thinking I'd have more of an opportunity to get to know her better, but that has not happened. I don't even know why she'd want me as a bridesmaid since we are not close friends, unless I'm just up there to "even the sides" of the bridal party.

View Quoted Comment If you’ve been thinking about it that long then you should have said something long ago. It will look like you’re making some sort of statement to drop out at this point.

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I agree with this. There are no upsides and only downsides to quitting at this late stage. You clearly don't like this person, and that is your right, but the time to make your statement would have been refusing when she asked you to be a bridesmaid.

I don't like my sister-in-law and I also feel like she she has manipulated my brother into making a lot of "out of character" decisions. But at some point, I will have to accept that his decisions DO reflect his character. He has changed. She may have influenced his changes, but I can't blame her for everything.

View Quoted Comment Yes it could be that or the simple fact that your husband is also in the wedding party.

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I totally feel where you're coming from. I think if you drop out now it can only make your and your husband's relationship with you BIL and his fiance worse. It is totally a moral dilemma, but I feel like what happens after the wedding is more important than the day of. Sure, the day of might feel tense or wierd, but then in the future family gatherings and conversations won't have the weight of you making the "I don't support this" statement that dropping out would. If you do drop out there is a huge possibility that fiance will feel upset and annoyed and take it out on BIL, which could effect your husbands relationship with his brother. I think the safer option if to just stick it out.

There are countless red flags. If you don’t support the relationship don’t be a bridesmaid. She should not have asked you to stand on her side when you don’t even know each other.

It sounds like she asked you to be a bridesmaid cause your husband is in the wedding as well. unfortunately, I think dropping out this far along would be really rude and cause tension between you and the couple. If it was four months out or longer, I’d say drop out if you feel uncomfortable…but unfortunately you’ve waited this long and I think it would reflect really poorly on you and your husband. Think of it as supporting your BIL instead of the bride

Is it necessary to feel close to the bride? Your going to be family and to me that’s enough of a reason to be asked to be in the Wedding. Treat her like you would a friend and leave it at that I say. Maybe the two of you are different and therefore haven’t created a friendship but to me it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be in the Wedding. I’m good to my sister in laws and their children and they are good to me and my children but we are not close like friends. We are there for each other when needed though and although being closer would be nice it’s not a deal breaker to be there for each other even when you disagree with the way they make decisions or conduct themselves, especially if it’s not hurting you or your husband.

I would not drop out at this point as it would be very rude and could cause a major issue for you/husband and her/your brother-in-law. And it doesn’t sound as though she’s done anything horrible to you. It’s too late. Consider that you’re in the wedding supporting your brother-in-law.

Yeah, I was on board until you got to the part where it’s 4 weeks away. Since nothing’s changed, I’d just let it be and stand up there for the sake of family. I like PP’s idea of the perspective shift to just think of it as support for your BIL— whether you think the wedding is a good idea or not, it’s obvious you care about him,
so this is just a thing you’ll grin and bear for him.

I would stick it out. There's only 4 weeks left, and if you were uncomfortable, you should have said "no" in the first place.

It doesn't matter what side you stand on. I had a gay male friend in my wedding who I asked if he would rather stand on my side or be a groomsman and he chose to be a groomsman, but he was still standing up there for ME.

Just stick it out and be a bridesmaid. And if you don't support the marriage, you can do a slow fade with the bride after the wedding. Sounds like you guys aren't close to begin with, so it shouldnt be an issue.

You agreed because you wanted to befriend her. She likely asked you for the same reason and to include her new family, even if you won't be best friends. Bowing out at 4 weeks to go is the nuclear option and you should only take it if you disapprove of his choice to marry her so much you want nothing to do with him and are willing to put strain between your husband and BIL as well.