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Devoted October 2021

Idk what to do!

Fany, on July 23, 2019 at 9:43 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 14

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Hi I need advice!
in summer 2018 I was newly engaged and my job Lost a major customer which caused a reduction in force. I lived in fort Wayne Indiana. I received a placement letter changing me from a specialist in my field to a secretary but I wouldn’t lose any pay. That same day, I received an offer letter for promotion in Indianapolis. With support from my fiancé and parents I took the promotion and moved away. Now here we are a year later. My current position and organization is great and I love it! Butttt I miss my fiancé and family so much. I interviewed for two promotion positions in Fort Wayne last week. So today, I was just offered another promotion from my current job today which would be more $$$ than the promotions in Fort Wayne. Keep in mind I still have not received an offer from Fort Wayne. Now I’m sitting here and I’m happy and sad. This is a great opportunity I love my job and Indianapolis. I have friends here and community here. In Fort Wayne I have my fiancé and family but I have ZERO friends. I called the man that interviewed me for the Fort Wayne position and told him the situation. He said he recommended me to the selecting official but they haven’t made selections yet.
Mid you were me, what would you do?!

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Rose, on July 27, 2019 at 9:14 PM

Champion November 2016
LB · on July 23, 2019 at 9:45 AM
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I would choose to be with my H/FH. Always.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on July 23, 2019 at 9:48 AM
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I'd always choose my career, but you should call your fiance and talk about your long term goals and aspirations.
At the end of the day if there isn't your support system around you you should ask yourself is it worth it? What if you get sick or hurt and need something? Would he ever move there with you? Will you regret taking a lower less paid position?
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Super August 2019
SraDeCarrillo · on July 23, 2019 at 9:49 AM
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Can FH move to where you’re living and working at now?
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Devoted August 2019
Leslie · on July 23, 2019 at 10:06 AM
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I think it comes down to yours and your fiance’s goals. My fiancée left for basic training a month after we got engaged and we won’t get to live together again until a couple months after we get married (and then we’ll be in an entirely different state).

It it sounds like staying there is better for you, just in terms of the job and having a good support system. For me, having distance is incredibly hard if there’s not an “endgame”. If you take the promotion, what does your future and relationship look like for the next few years? Is he able to relocate to be closer to you? If you move back, what does your future look like? Will leaving a city and job you love make you unhappy, even though you’ll get to be with your fiancé?

It’s a tough situation and I hope you find the solutions that works for you!
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VIP September 2019
Melissa · on July 23, 2019 at 10:23 AM
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How far are the cities apart? I would definitely want to keep a job that pays well, but would also be sad if I couldn’t be with FH. Is he able to get a job closer to you or commute from where you are? Can you find a spot in between the 2 towns that would be a reasonable commute for both of you? I would have a good long discussion about what you want for the future.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 23, 2019 at 11:01 AM
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Fh can't move to where you are huh?
It sounds like for you it's a good opportunity though that may not come by again
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Devoted August 2020
Rose · on July 23, 2019 at 11:29 AM
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Me and my fh were in a similar situation. He was offered a promotion at work in Harrisburg and I lived in Wilkes-barre. Not a HUGE difference but a good 2 hours away and we could only see each other on weekends. He was also interviewing for jobs in Wilkes barre and at the time of his promotion was 99% sure he would get this new job. We’ll he didn’t. Take the promotion at work now and if you get something back home then leave for home. Just be sure the job you take at home is worth leaving. My fh left his “dream job” to take another state job near home and it ended up being an actual nightmare. Thankfully my job was hiring and we now work together! I wish you luck and hope you can move home soon! In the mean time TAKE THAT PROMOTION AND MAKE THAT MONAY!
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VIP April 2019
Nikita · on July 23, 2019 at 1:10 PM
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This really needs to be a pro-con conversation with your FH.
I don't really see 'career' or 'relationship' as a defining line. They are so entwined. Your career determines a large part of your family life. Not only does it give you financial stability, but it also determines the energy you give your family at the end of the night. The more stable and happy you are, the more you can be the type of wife/mother/person you want to be.
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Expert October 2019
Tonia · on July 23, 2019 at 1:25 PM
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It's about what is important to you and what your priorities are for your life right now. There are so many couples that can make distance work, so this is something you and FH need to discuss. You want to make sure whatever decision you make is right for you and you feel any regrets about it later.
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VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on July 24, 2019 at 2:51 PM
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Personally I would take the promotion at the current job right now. Technically you could figure all this out closer to the wedding while making more money at a place you are happy at!
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Dedicated October 2019
Jamie · on July 24, 2019 at 4:02 PM
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I'd take the promotion where you are now. Is it a possibility for your FH to move to Indy? Or could you split the difference and both commute an hour or so? I live in southern Indiana and know quite a few people who commute about an hour to work.
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Devoted May 2019
Rita-Jean · on July 26, 2019 at 10:32 PM
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I agree with PPs in that you should really discuss this with your FH and figure out what would be best for the two of you. That being said, I would personally take the promotion. You're already apart for now, with FH in Fort Wayne and you in Indianapolis; you're saving for a wedding, which will be easier to do with a promotion; and the job in Fort Wayne is not guaranteed, whereas the one in Indianapolis is. Maybe I'm biased though, my hubby works 5 hours away in the oilfields of West Texas, and we have two week stretches at a time where we don't get to see each other. How often do you get to see your FH?
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Devoted October 2021
Fany · on July 27, 2019 at 12:53 AM
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I see him every weekend. The promotion at my current job is a Grade-9 next month, then a Grade-11 in August 2020 then a Grade-12 in August 2021.
The other job in Fort Wayne left a voicemail today and told me that they are checking my references now. The Fort Wayne job is a Grade-9 as soon as I get it then a Grade-11 next year then it caps out.
https://www.opm.gov/policy-data-oversight/pay-leave/salaries-wages/salary-tables/pdf/2019/GS.pdf
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Devoted August 2020
Rose · on July 27, 2019 at 9:14 PM
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Oh man I hope they call you!! Even if you can’t reach that 12 at the job back home think of the money you’ll be saving not renting two residences between you and your fh, PLUS the savings in gas going to and from every weekend. 🤞🏻🤞🏻
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