Ideas??

Grooms tend not to be very interested in the planning process unfortunately. I learned that maybe if you delegate to them something they’d be more excited about such as the food or dj stuff then they’d be more inclined to partake

I told DH it wouldn't happen if he didn't help. He didn't always know what to do (even while holding the planning book, which made me wonder if he'd lost his brain somewhere).

He ended up picking things that were important to him and focusing on that. We made all major decisions together, so the entire day was *ours*.

Our society tells men they shouldn't care. It's up to each individual couple to decide if they are ok with that stereotype or not.

The moment I brought up cake tasting my fiancé was all in lol. Maybe give him specific tasks ? I told my fiancé to find our DJ and gave him a deadline and he then showed me the ones he liked and we had a conversation so maybe that would work for you too?

That’s normal it doesn’t mean he loves you any less or him being more involved will make it any more or less special. What I would do is give him a choice between 2-3 options and in the beginning as him what’s something he definitely didn’t want to cut corners on like dj/photograph. Morning afternoon or wedding. Show him pictures and prices of beach vs indoor venue vs outdoor etc. I just made him help me decide on the things that were not as important to me since he gave me free reign over pretty much everything.

Which I think works out in the end because you get the wedding of your dreams.

They mostly just care that you’re happy, stay close to the budget and that he gets to marry the love of his life.

If my fiancé said he wouldn’t help me with the planning, we would have to have a serious sit down discussion. I would be quite disappointed and resentful if that’s what he really said. It’s not fair to put the entire burden on only 1 person. Do you just mean he says do whatever you want? I won’t care about the details?


If so, tell him thanks for for letting you take the creative lead but it’s too stressful and do all yourself. You need his help with x, y, and z. Just assign him stuff to be in charge of. This worked really well for us. I gave him cake, alcohol, musicians, officiant, transportation, farewell brunch and activity. We share venue site tours/selection, menu, and carefully reading over each contract regardless of who is in charge of the category.

I gave my FH specific tasks. Music is way more important to him, so I had him find the DJ and start planning the music. We also went Venue shopping together, cake tasting, and catering tasting. Maybe explain to your fiance what is going to go into the planning and how much things cost, and all the decisions you need to make. I got overwhelmed yesterday about the seating chart, and my FH was confused but I had explained why it was important so he knew why I had to do it and why I was frustrated.

He's one of many men that do not care for wedding ceremonies. They do it for us. Don't get down if noisy or the planning falls on you. Them you can make the decisions.

I think this is a common guy thing. There were plenty of times where my husband said so whatever I want and then there were times when he would actually give his opinion and it was usually on random stuff that I didn't want him to have an opinion on. For instance, I wanted all black tables as that had been always what I envisioned for my wedding, but my husband hated that idea as it looked like a funeral according to him so we had white tablecloths with black layover. In order to involve my husband, I sent him links to different options and let him decide which one he liked the best. For music, I created a word document with each item we needed a song (for example the bridal party entrance) and then listed out several songs for him to decide from. I found narrowing down options seemed to work really well.

That’s not unusual. My husband didn’t do any of the planning either. If I gave him a specific task he would normally help. We also got married on the beach and I loved it. Find a place that has a coordinator to help.

I think a lot of it is knowing your relationship. I am the planner, so it is not surprising that I am doing most of the planning. I told him it was important to me that he was involved in some things: Location, Food, and Music. For these things, he gave me his input, but wanted me to make the final call. For everything else, I pretty much can do whatever I want. I always make sure I take what I know he will like into consideration. It has not been an issue.

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This is good advice and I want to amplify this statement: "Our society tells men they shouldn't care. It's up to each individual couple to decide if they are ok with that stereotype or not."

Just because that is the current norm doesn't mean it's acceptable. That type of thinking harms men AND women. Getting married takes two people and there's no reason why wedding planning shouldn't also. The bonus is that learning to communicate, work as a team, and compromise during wedding planning builds a great foundation for marriage.

My fiance doesn't care about anything expecting getting married. At first it really bothered me, but after talking to him about it extensively, he made me understand that just because I wanted a large, fancy wedding didn't mean he did. He loves me enough to go along with it, but he also doesn't necessarily want to spend hours and hours on this. We also just bought a home, so to him renovations are what he would much rather spend his time on.

Once I realized that not being excited about planning the wedding did not mean he wasn't excited about the marriage, I relaxed a little bit and was able to plan most of the wedding stress free. Wedding planning is a LOT of time, effort and money and it is okay if he doesn't feel motivated to spend all that free time planning. He still loves you and wants to marry you and that's what matters.