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Just Said Yes February 2022

Ideas for a non-religious polyamorous wedding ceremony?

Anna, on November 21, 2021 at 8:52 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 7
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We're possibly hiring an officiant but also want to try coming up with the ceremony on our own first and have a friend marry us. It's not actually required to have an officiant in my state (CO) so ideas without one are also welcome! I don't want anything remotely religious, it won't involve family, and we aren't monogamous so we won't be doing vows that include language like "till death do us part".

7 Comments

Latest activity by Elycia, on November 24, 2021 at 11:42 AM
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Question regarding legality: is more than one spouse allowed by law in your state? It isn’t in most. You will be hard pressed to find an officiant who will perform the ceremony without it being legal, because they can only marry 2 people.


    https://www.pridezillas.com/listings/?search_region=251&search_categories%5B%5D=25 Is a starting place for officiants. They know more of what is within legal limits. Many officiants have zero issue with not including religion as many religious weddings are performed in houses of worship rather than outside of them, so they service the rest who are looking for someone to marry them.


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  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow ·
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    I think OP is referring to the language of the vows rather than marrying more than one person.


    I'd Google sample scripts for ceremonies. Our officiant had a bunch to choose from. We told her our preferences, she gave us some options, we changed stuff around and wrote our own vows. No readers, no religious or monogamy references
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  • Samantha
    Expert May 2022
    Samantha ·
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    I am 100% not trying to degrade or judge or start drama, I am genuinely curious so an honest answer without craziness is appreciated, why get married if you don't want to be with only that person?

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  • Cece
    VIP November 2022
    Cece ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I was curious about this as well. If you don’t plan to be committed to that person, or even with them for the remainder of your life, why enter into a marriage (whose sole purpose is to spiritually and legally bind 2 people forever)? Even a commitment ceremony would still serve the purpose of committing to one another. No judgement at all, just curiosity.
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  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow ·
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    Polyamory is the practice of ethical non monogamy. A lot of people, including myself, are happily married and poly. A lot of poly people have a primary partner.


    Polyamory isn't about wanting to sleep around or not wanting to commit to one person. It's about tranparency, consent, and the notion that sexual and emotional intimacy can be, but doesn't have to be, limited to one person.
    I see a lot of couples where the man wants to bring a second woman into the bed (to hell with his wife's feelings and the other woman's feelings), and it's always a sleazy hetero monogamous man who pushes this. This sort creeper is religiously weeded out in poly groups because it goes against everything poly is about.
    But hey, why get married if you want to sleep around, right?
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  • E
    Savvy February 2023
    Elycia ·
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    I love seeing a poly- post on these forums! More poly- positive content! Will this be for your partner who you are legally bound to? Or are you looking at doing a commitment ceremony with another? My husband and I are also non-religious and are leaning towards having a friend perform our ceremony so that they can make it personal and targeted towards out specific wants and needs.

    I also really want to stay away from very traditional vows and cliches like "til death do us part" that whole spiel. Instead we are only doing personalized vows that we are writing for each other. Then the friend will ask us the simple proclamation of "do you take _____ as your husband/wife." You could switch that language to whichever title you prefer or even a pet name you use for each other.

    One line from my vows that i really love is the final line, "I promise to continue to love you in the best ways I know how, and learning to love you in the ways you need."

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  • E
    Savvy February 2023
    Elycia ·
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    I love this explanation! Being poly- does not mean you are not a committed person, or that you cannot be equally committed to more than one person. The people I know who are poly- work tirelessly on communication, making everyone involved comfortable and happy, always checking on consent, learn to prioritize themselves and their partners, and sometime even allow their partners to prioritize others. They have very secure attachment styles and relationships and I learn healthy behaviors from them all the time that helps me stay secure, open, and honest in my monogamous relationship.

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