I wasn't my sister's bridesmaid and now it's my turn. Help!

I'm the kinda person who says do what will make you happy because it's your wedding, you're not doing it to make other people happy. I'd tell her she's SOL. You've picked who you want to stand by you. If she gets hurt then she gets hurt.

Idunno, just my opinion.

I'm with Alyssa.

Thank you, that's been the general consensus. I'm just a little afraid of it being blatantly obvious that I'm excluding her and only her and what kind of a "statement" that would make. I'd like my wedding to be as drama free as possible, but the thought of her standing by me makes me so furious I can't stand it.

I would exclude her but make sure you tell her why you are. I would be honest with her so at least she knows why she is being kept out.

Don't let guilt ruin your wedding. If you want her in ask. If you don't, then don't. However, don't punish one sister so another won't be hurt.

I think you should ask who you want and not care about whatever drama it might cause. You should have who you want with you on your big day.

Then when asked why you didnt pick her, dont say, because shes didnt pick me. just say you had a number of people to ask and asked who you wanted to have by your side. the end.

I personally feel even in a family, there is no 'quid pro quo'... you do what you want, that makes you happy.

If you are ok using your own wedding to 'get revenge' on your step-sister, then by all means, that's your prerogative - but will it really ease your hurt feelings to 'get her back' for what she did to you? Do you know *for sure* why your step-sister excluded you all? Do you want your step-sisters in your life long-term, or do you not care if you lose one of them over this?

No decision should be made out of anger, or spite,or revenge... there could very well be 'blowback' - which is the unintended consequences of one's actions.

Again, I'm definitely saying: do what will make you happy... but the question is whether it will, in the long run, erase the hurt you feel and make you happy to use your own wedding to try to right a wrong...

Thank you all for the advice! I know you're right. I really want both my sisters and my best friend by my side. I was just afraid of having to deal with the drama of not including my stepsister, but I shouldn't risk hurting the other relationships because of that. I just need to work up the courage now to put my decision out there and not give more information than is necessary. Short and sweet.

Hi Rebecca, you bring up very good points and I've been thinking a LOT about this. Trust me, I don't want my wedding to be about revenge or spite. I think the fact is that I'm still hurt and she and I have never really talked about her wedding and why she chose what she did. It's a very tricky subject in my family since she is the only stepsister and my parents have never wanted her to feel ganged up on. As a result, we don't really talk to her about our feelings.

My real resentment isn't so much not being chosen to be a BM, but the way she went about it. She didn't have a conversation with us and then never invited us for any planning. We weren't even invited into her changing room before the wedding. It was very strange and bizarre and not what I was expecting from someone in my family. Maybe the best thing to do would be to have the long awaited conversation with her.

I personally think it depends on how close you are with this step sis. If you are doing it because she hurt you then be the bigger person. She may tell you how she feels during the process. If it is because you really do not feel she is close enough to be your BM then just dont include her. She did not include you. If drama comes up, just explain yourself.

If you want her as your BM, but are hurt by her actions, still ask her. If you don't want her as your BM, don't ask. It doesn't even have to be because she never asked you. It can just be because you chose the people closest to you

Hi Rachel - I'm really glad that you've thought about it, and I think it would be really smart to have that conversation and clear the air before your own wedding... I want, and I'm sure your family wants, you to be focused only on joy that day, not any tension. Invite her out to lunch, somewhere you both like, and maybe start the day with some window shopping, or something fun... when you have lunch, have the conversation. I find that when the conversation is difficult, it helps to have a built-in distraction - when it's awkward, you can flag down a waiter to get you a drink, or change the subject if necessary about the food or something you saw at a shop... basically, if you can keep it casual and make it clear that you care about the person, and want to genuinely understand what was going on in her mind, and are not 'cornering' her to make her defensive, it might help her feel safe to be honest.

You may be surprised - it could be something like "I didn't think you really ever liked me", or "I didn't think anyone would want to help", or "I was embarassed..." something totally out of left field... being on neutral territory, and keeping the tone of the conversation as light as possible, might help.

I really hope you have the conversation. and I'll pray for the best outcome - that the air will be clear and the hurt lifted. Coming from a family prone to sweeping everything under the rug, believe me I know how hard it is to buck that trend!

If you don't want her to be a BM, stand your ground and don't ask her. It's when brides and grooms ask people to be in their wedding party that they are on the fence about or they feel they HAVE to ask that you start hearing about bridesmaid drama and all that other stuff.

I was in a sort of similar situation. My FH has three sisters. I knew I wanted to ask one for sure, but I was on the fence about the second sister and thought that if I asked both of them, I'd have to ask the third as well because otherwise one's left out. And I sort of felt that I had to ask all 3 because they are family. FH and I talked about it and we agreed not to let anyone play the family card to try to guilt trip us into anything and that we should just go with the people who we want next to us. 1 of his sisters is a bridesmaid, the other 2 are not. I don't dislike them or want to try to exclude them or anything. I just don't have a close relationship with either of them like I do the one that's a BM.