i was my friends maid of honor but I’m not having her in my bridal party?!

She is allowed to be upset, but she will get over it. Maybe you can find other ways to include her, whether it's inviting her dress shopping with you or having her do a reading. If she brings it up, just reassure her that you appreciate her friendship.

I was feeling the exact same way you are when I first got engaged! My friend has actually really upset me because she’s been saying things like “of course I don’t expect to be your maid of honor just because you were mine...but I mean I could be your matron of honor, since I’m married!” And posted a picture of us together on Facebook saying “can’t wait to be by your side through all your planning!” Which made it sound like I asked her to be in my wedding, but I did not! It feels like she does expect it and is being too pushy!! I think she feels we are the best of friends, but in my mind we are not that close anymore.
BUT, that being said, since I’ve been engaged, she has been very helpful in offering me lots of wedding advice and being there when I need to vent about wedding stuff. So because of that, I do think I’m going to have her as a bridesmaid. She is a good friend and I appreciate her help, and I know she’d appreciate being included. But I have no intentions of making her my MOH, and if she is upset about that then she’s going to have to deal with it lol. Granted, my wedding is 2 years away. So a lot can change in that time, so I’m not planning to “ask” any of my bridesmaids for at least another year. That’s just where I stand as of now! Take your time to think about it, then have a one-on-one convo with her about it when you’re ready.

I was in a similar situation. I was a maid of honor in the wedding of my friend from college. When I got engaged 3 years later, I never considered her to be a bridesmaid. Although, I only planned to have one MOH and one junior bridesmaid. She did say to me that she didn't know where her place was in my wedding. It's a little different for me because I had wanted to end the friendship. We're not friends anymore and I'm glad. You should only include who you want in your BP. If you'd like, involve her in another way.

Ask her to Hostess or read.