M
Beginner October 2020

i want to make it clear I'm not chasing down Rsvp's

Melissa, on May 21, 2019 at 4:31 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 29

I really don't want to have to chase down RSVP's and am sending paper invitations with addressed and stamped RSVP return envelopes so there's really no excuse for guests to not send RSVP's. I know it's something everyone has to do and I will make exceptions for really important family members, but...

I really don't want to have to chase down RSVP's and am sending paper invitations with addressed and stamped RSVP return envelopes so there's really no excuse for guests to not send RSVP's. I know it's something everyone has to do and I will make exceptions for really important family members, but I'm thinking of putting something like this at the bottom of my RSVP's: "If responses are not received by ____, your party will be marked as not attending."


(the top of the RSVP's will say something like: "Please send your response as soon as possible, no later than ____.)

I know it might be a little harsh, but I don't have to time to mess around with grown people who don't know how to put a stamped envelope in the mailbox. I get that people may have conflicts but if you can't commit 6 months in advance, then you probably won't be able to commit at all. We are also having a destination-ish wedding in New Hampshire and my family will be traveling from CA. It will be an intimate wedding of approx. 60 guests (inviting 76 of closest friends and family).

Thoughts? Any advice is greatly appreciated, thanks in advance!

29 Comments

  • M
    Beginner October 2020
    Melissa ·
    View Quoted Comment
    So true! I guess I’ll just have to deal with the non responders and when I call to confirm that is their definite answer. Thank you!
  • M
    Beginner October 2020
    Melissa ·
    View Quoted Comment
    This is so helpful thank you! Yeah I think I’m going to send mine out 5 months ahead and make the rsvp deadline 4 months ahead. I need all those counts ahead of time too and definitely don’t want guests holding that up for us especially planning from 3000 miles away! We’re sending out save the dates way early (this September and wedding is next October) because Room blocks are not available and it is peak foliage season in the White Mountains so rooms sell out many months in advance. So by the time invitations roll around most people who know they’re going should already have everything ready to go and hopefully will send their rsvps back in a timely manner!
  • FutureMrsD
    Rockstar July 2019
    FutureMrsD ·
    View Quoted Comment

    I'm glad I could be helpful! I understand the struggle of chasing down RSVPs, it's a lot of work. I think it will be pretty hard to get guests to commit 4 months out, but you never know! We are having a hard time and having out of town guests decide less than 2 months out.

  • M
    Beginner October 2020
    Melissa ·
    View Quoted Comment
    Yes thank you so much! Definitely not looking forward to that part but loving everything else about the planning process! Yeah, I’m certainly going to encounter some difficulty with my earliness :/ but yes hopefully due to the nature of the distance, etc. people will make their plans earlier! Oh wow, I can imagine how stressful that is for you I’m sorry! I totally understand it’s a significant cost to attend but want to give people plenty of time to save money by booking everything early
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    View Quoted Comment
    That’s why we have these forums! To share experiences and help eachother out .
    im gonna be completely honest, our missing rsvp was a (much beloved) “crazy uncle” so when he swore he sent it, none of us believed him. We were all like yeah yeah im sure he meant to but he’ll find it months from now under a stack of papers in his house! So we were all a bit speechless when we saw the date the envelope was postmarked ! Like oops I guess we should’ve trusted you afterall!! But, luckily all ended well
  • Bride2020
    Dedicated May 2020
    Bride2020 ·

    We have similar wedding sizes, mines 55. Because of families and couples and all, about 35 invites have to go out. I am having rsvps on the website only. I know my family, I know most of them won't send back a card and are hard to pin down. I'm just being grateful our wedding is small and only people I am in contact with often, so I am hoping I won't have to deal with much rsvp tracking down and can just notate in the app when people tell me they can make it face to face. If yours is also people you are in touch with frequently, I hope you'll be able to get the gist of if they are coming or not pretty easily that way, don't sweat it! It's a little annoying, and not ok for a huge wedding, but doable for something small I think.

  • M.W.
    VIP June 2019
    M.W. ·

    I feel your pain! I had to stop myself and one point and say no more chasing down people to rsvp enough is enough!

  • Nemo
    VIP August 2018
    Nemo ·

    Unfortunately, this is something you just have to suck up and do. We had several people mail their RSVP's back but they were lost in the mail. We also had multiple invitations get lost before they reached the guest. We wouldn't have found this out if we hadn't reached out to the guests we didn't get an RSVP from.

  • E
    Super October 2017
    Emily ·

    I never had a problem with our mail - my own grandmother didn’t get an invite. She also didn’t tell me because she thought she wasn’t invited and did not want to upset me. We had 6 invites get lost in the mail and a few RSVPs get lost. I got two RSVPs the Monday after our wedding and they e post marked before our date.

    It’s a necessary evil but honestly it wasn’t very difficult to call the few people we were missing.

Comment on this discussion

×