i want to kidnap my brother from Basic...

I'm so sorry, I would be devastated if one of my siblings couldn't make it to the wedding. I don't know anything about the military, so I don't have any ideas or advice in that regards. I just wanted to say that I am sending my best wishes your way and that I hope it works out somehow!

One more thing, no matter what your day will be special and beautiful! I know you want him there and I am sure he wants to be there for you as well! But regardless of what happens, try to enjoy the fact that you are marrying your love and remember that he is happy for you even if he can't be there for you in person!

My fiancé is a commander and has been in for 11 years and I’m getting his advice...he needs to know what his starting date is. Basically he said it’s a possibility but unlikely since he hasn’t earned leave yet.

I have a few friends who've gone military. Unfortunately, if he leaves early without permission, it is considered AWOL. They are not afforded any vacation time during basic training (consider it like probation from most other jobs). There's not really any flexibility there if he's not given permission.

Maybe see if you can arrange a celebratory dinner or something when he gets home?

Unfortunately, recruiters are a common problem. All they really care about is meeting their quotas. They are known for false promises. Another unfortunate is.. you likely will not have your brother at your wedding. While you see it as "only training".. it is not structured like a non-military member might think. They are on strict schedules and rules. They are learning good order and discipline and structure. Allowing him to attend the wedding would remove him from this setting.. like giving him a free pass for the time being, ultimately breaking everything he has been in training for outside of the scheduled time. When he signed saying "yes" to join, he gave up those luxuries as well.

Alas, this is pretty common. Recruiters say anything to get people to sign up, but those promises are meaningless. And it's often worse than this--people who sign up because they are promised training in a particular skill, but then are assigned to some completely different job and given no training.

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about it. The recruiter's promises aren't binding on the military.

I'm sorry, but there's nothing you can do about this. Unfortunately, recruiters will say anything to get someone to sign up--even if it's a lie. They don't care about anything but getting people recruited.

Military basic training is something that cannot be rescheduled, or interrupted. Your brother will not be able to make it to your wedding. I'm so sorry!! Depending on the time of day of your wedding, you may be able to have a video call with him, if he's done for the day. However, that will depend partly on whether or not he has phone privileges at that point in his training. But it's something to hope for anyway.

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He ships out August 19 and graduates October 24th I guess. My wedding's on a Friday. We initially thought he was going to go to basic earlier since he enlisted back in May but I guess not.

I would just plan on him not coming, it's super sad and unfortunate but getting leave is VERY hard in basic training. He needs to be working this out with his recruiter or whoever his contact person is at this point. Recruiters aren't known for their information being 100% correct all the time, their main goal is to get people to enlist then after that they really aren't their problem.

Sorry to hear that!! I feel your pain as my brother is in the US Army and he's currently deployed in Germany for 9 months....he missed my wedding I was devastated. The only way he was able to come during his deployment was when our grandmother passed in March and that was a mission in itself! We have to go through red Cross and it goes through all these steps. We thought he'd miss her funeral but he made it. So the wedding leave was definitely not happening. It's a tough pill to swallow but we had him on video. Maybe they can allow your brother to be on video? At least to watch the ceremony.

View Quoted Comment Ok, my fiancé said there’s almost no chance 😭

Recruiters lie, that's how they get their quota, after talking to my FH whose an army vet and some friends who are Marine vets they all agree, that if he is in basic at that time, he will NOT get leave, that's just the nature of Basic training, its 9 weeks of hell to break you down and build you back up, there is no time for leave and if he somehow gets off base, that's going AWOL and he can be court marshaled or NJP'd. My best advice is to know that he's there in thoughts and his love is with you...I know your wedding is important, BUT it's one day, don't risk his future career for one day.

I am so sorry

Recruiters say things shouldn’t be a problem all the time, but the recruiter has absolutely zero say in anything your brother does. He doesn’t assign him to a unit and doesn’t decide when he leaves for basic. It’s definitely unfortunate that this is happening, but I think you need to work now on just accepting that your brother won’t be there. He has no choice.

My brother was in the Navy and he was also promised things to suck him in and once they got him, everything changed. That is a whole other issue but anyway, weddings are not an important event for military personnel. No different than child birth. I think funerals are the only thing they are allowed emergency leave for and that is only if it is an immediate family member (parent or sibling). It is what they sign up for. They can earn leave time after a certain point but with him just being in basic, he wouldn't have earned any leave time yet. Sorry but I do not think your brother will be attending your wedding.

I'm sorry your brother will not be able to attend your wedding. Unfortunately, recruiters do this all the time. Tell people they'll get their choice of station, occupation, etc when in reality they have no say in this. Can you live stream the wedding for your brother?

And there's no chance that they can have him start basic at a different time? (ie now so he's done in time or after the wedding - he's in drills now)

I mean, I'm not actually going to risk his career but this just really really sucks. I lost my grandpa last year and my grandma a few years ago (she never even got to meet my FH) I'm losing my dad a little each day, and the fact that my brother isn't going to be there is kind of the last straw...

View Quoted Comment He can speak with the unit he’s been assigned to, but no they likely won’t change his ship date. Even if he went to BCT now, he’d have AIT after that and probably wouldn’t be granted leave during that either.

I'm so sorry! As much as it sucks there's really nothing you can do, especially if he's still in boot camp. As others have stated this is very common because the recruiters will do anything they can to get people to sign up!