I want to invite estranged father.

This is a tough situation. I feel like you'd be sad and probably regret it later in life if you didn't have your father and grandmother there since it sounds like you're pretty happy to be in contact with them. So with that I probably would want to invite them. However it might be a good idea to tell your mom before the wedding because if she shows up and sees him there then things might get crazy. If you tell her in advance maybe she can mentally prepare for it and you can talk to her about remembering what the day is all about.

The only problem is that if you tell your mom you're inviting your dad, she may sit there and say you have to choose either her or your dad which would really suck but she sounds like the type of person that would do that if she thrives on drama.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, I wouldn't want to be in that situation

FW has to know what kind of woman your mom is, right? So talk this over with her. I'd bet, if you two are really a partnership, FW will want you to have the people you want at your wedding, even if there is some worry your mom will throw a fit.

As for that, you can always talk to your mom in advance and let her know what kind of behavior you're hoping to see from her, and how much it would mean to you, AND ask someone to keep an eye on her and escort her out if she starts to cause a scene-- as they say "hope for the best and prepare for the worst."

Whatever happened between your mother and father has nothing to do with you. If they are both living, you are entitled to have a relationship with both, one, or neither. You'd like to have one with both. Maybe that wasn't an option 12 years ago. It is now.

If you want your father there, invite him. Make sure you tell your mother he's invited -- don't ambush her. She may try to rehash the past and tell you all the ways in which this would hurt her, why you shouldn't do this, etc. -- or maybe she's moved on. There are only a few reasons I can think of for a mother to want to keep her child from his father, and if it's not one of those reasons (if the father was a danger to the child, for example), then she's continuing to make a mistake she's been making for 12 years. Tell her you are well aware of their history, and while you're sorry about that, you'd like a chance to build your own history with him. Tell her that you will make sure there is distance between them on the wedding day. You don't need her permission, but it would be nice if she didn't fight you on this.

I'd say invite them. See if they rsvp. And then talk to your mom closer to the wedding about your decision to invite them. You have a long time until the wedding you dont need extra drama for you and your fiancee. Not sure if they'll be "in" the wedding. Sometimes parents & grandparents have a processional before the wedding party. But your talking about three ppl (mon dad & gma) w/ potential issues. If your fiancee is ok w/ it I would suggest skipping that part. Bc if they're estranged no one expects them to be there anyway.

You have over a year until your wedding. I'd suggest letting your mom know now that you've been in contact with your dad & g'ma. Let her get used to that idea for a while. Then let her get used to the idea that you've seen them. Closer to the wedding, maybe when you're sending invitations, let her know you plan to invite them and it is no reflection on how she raised you. Maybe don't have them participate in a processional -- they can just be guests.

I'm in the same position as your mom, however I don't bad mouth my ex to the kids. He has been out of their life's for over 9yrs now, my daughter will be graduating from high school this June and has mentioned that she would like to invite her father, I'm so against it, I don't want him to be there taking credit for the hard work that I've put in,(because that is what he will do) I don't want to be in the same space as him breathing the same air as him.

With that being said, he is her father and it's important to her that he be there, so I will not stop her from inviting him, will I be happy that he's there no, and there's the possibility that he won't come. Talk with you mom let her know how important it is to you for him and your grandmother to be there with you and invite them.

I think you should talk it over with your FW and let her know how your mother might act when she finds out. I truly think that you should invite your father and grandmother though, but only because you said that you want them there. It I was in your situation, I would warn my mother that if she makes any sort of scene on the wedding day, she will be promptly escorted out and not allowed back in.

I agree with Nancy- let her know that you've been in contact with them first, and ease into it. She should definitely know she's being invited before you do it.

Relationships end for all sorts of reasons, and although she's been bad mouthing him, sometimes there are even deeper reasons that she's not telling you (and sometimes there aren't). For example, would you still feel comfortable putting your mom in this situation if you knew he was abusive? Tell your mom you're in contact first, and go from there when time gets closer.