I want to elope, fiance does not

I wanted to elope, too. FH wanted to invite everyone he's ever met to a giant wedding.

Creating a budget and talking to venues about pricing was a giant slap in the face to him, and he quickly realized a 300+ guest list wasn't feasible.

We settled on intimate, family and close friends only.

We have 40 people on our list, and are spending $15,000.

We both want more and less people, but we're ultimately happy with the idea now.

It's ALL about compromise and communication.

@mrsmphil my FMIL wants to, but im against accepting it for that very reason. Plus, she is still in debt from my fiancé brother's wedding.

My FH and I are eloping. I feel the same way. He was hesitant at first but when he realized how much money we could save and spend on something that lasts more than a few hours he finally agreed.

@robynr no, i wouldn't be opposed to that at all. That's a great suggestion, thank you for that. I will mention it to the fiancé

@becca my thoughts exactly! That sounds like a dream!

Could you compromise on a small wedding with just immediate family and maybe wedding party? That's what we did and it ended up working out beautifully for us. I wanted a larger wedding and he wanted to elope. Honestly the small wedding was what was right for both of us (and our budget)!

@Meghan thats where we are now, and we are already looking a $7000+ and growing. Thats one reason why I'm wanting to elope.

I wanted to elope and FH wanted a big wedding with everyone he's ever met. After he saw how stressful it was for me and seeing all the money leave his account he finally agreed to scrap the big wedding. We're doing an intimate ceremony with our parents, grandparents, and wedding party (we had already asked them before we scrapped the big wedding and they refused to not be their for our ceremony) and then we're having a celebration of marriage later with the big guest list that FH wants. We're both getting what we want.

We're doing almost everything in a traditional wedding but only for us. We have a venue, florals, decor, cake, photographer and videographer. We're having our ceremony then first dance, dinner and cutting our cake but only with us.

Hi! Your wedding isn't a tool to make other family members jealous. You and your fiance need to have a sit down and form a united front on this one.

I write this over and over here; we LOVE our small weddings when that is what our couples pick because it works for them. A great ceremony, music, beautiful apparel and flowers, wonderful food and music and photography.....it's perfect for many, many people. Less drama, far less money, and more focus on what really matters; you making a commitment to each other (something that can get lost in the swirl of photobooths, favors and family drama.....)

Here's the cold truth; far less people are GENUINELY excited about a wedding that the couple thinks. The costs, the theatrics, the stress of planning...those factors definitely need to be weighed before the decision to have a huge expensive wedding is final. The net result is the same; you're married. Which is kinda the point....

I would talk to FH about why he really wants a big wedding. You two need to get on the same page before discussing any further with FIL's.

Your FILs don't go away after you marry. This is something you need to consider for the rest of your life. It seems like your FH just wants to please his family and doesn't care what you think.

Please consider couples counseling. You don't want a marriage where you communicate your priorities and wishes and he ignores them for the mere approval of his family.

I wanted to elope. FH wants a wedding idk why. Neither of us talk to family hardly ever. He tells me everyday he should have listened to me and just eloped now that we put money down for an officiant and venue.

It's just weird that they want to one up his own brother's wedding. If your FH doesnt want to plan anything either, just elope. You know by the fact that they're willing to give you money when they're still in debt from the brother's wedding means these are not rational people, so there's probably no sense in reasoning with them. You and your FH need to decide what You want for a wedding and then just stick to your guns when they raise a fuss about it.

I second the small wedding suggestion - you can even have a small DW so that you get the "eloping" feel and he gets to have guests. After having my graduation party with my HUGE family and being pulled in many different directions all night and not enjoying it AT ALL! I decided that that is not what I wanted for my wedding. We decided on having a small destination wedding. Good part for me is that I was able to invite my whole family knowing that not everyone was going to be able to make it so no feelings were hurt on people not being invited.

This is you and FH's wedding so learn early to put both of you first and not care what others have to say.

This is a tough situation. I'd try to meet in the middle and compromise. Can you do a smaller guest list a small budget? He won't feel cheated out of a "wedding" but the price tag will be palpable to you.

I don't want a big wedding at all. FI doesn't really care one way or the other since his family is much smaller than mine is. However, I'm the youngest and only girl out of five kids so my mother wants to have a kinda big wedding. I'm hoping that when we show them the whole list of everyone that they will more than likely want us to invite, they will realize it's out of the realm of possibilities. All I want is to either go down to town hall or do a DW. But with his mother's health a DW is out of the question and we still have to find out if we can even get married in the church he wants to get married in. Luckily our tentative date isn't until September 2019 so we have plenty of time to discuss.

My FH & I had planned to elope in Copenhagen but when we told my mom she literally cried and told me I have missing maternal gene to not want to be connected to her on my wedding. This obv made me feel like total shat so I cancelled Copenhagen and planned the event in my home town. But even after moving the wedding back to my home town my mom still gets butt hurt about the wedding and mopes when I don't agree with her wedding vision. Part of her attitude I believe is because my mom didn't get to have a wedding she was prego with me so she did a courthouse hitch which later turned in to a courthouse divorce.

In hindsight I wish I hadn't let what she told me effect me so much because even after compromising with her she still acts out and creates drama.

So I guess the moral of the story spend is your money on an elopement and ditch the drama.

Me and my fiance decided we're eloping to NYC to get married. Def going to save money

Perhaps lay out all the costs for your FH? I feel like weddings should only have people there who care about the couple. My husbands family is enormous-his mothers side alone is about 200 people-and we only invited one aunt he likes, and his mother and siblings. Small wedding or elopement would be good