Ashley

i want to bring my so to my cousin’s wedding

Ashley, on August 5, 2019 at 4:48 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 13
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I am a bridesmaid for my cousin’s wedding coming up this fall. I am only 19 and my cousin is in her late 20s. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and she has met him at least 5 or 6 times and has met her fiancé at least twice. I still live with my parents and my cousin only sent an invitation addressed to our family. I was really hoping to get a separate invitation since I’m a bridesmaid and that I would get a plus one so my boyfriend could come, he really likes my cousin and her fiancé and I know his feelings will be hurt. I am pretty sure another bridesmaid who is my cousin’s age got a plus one despite only being with her boyfriend for less than a year. I was really hoping my boyfriend could be included. I don’t know if there is any way to politely say anything or if I should just let it go. Any advice?

13 Comments

Latest activity by Talia, on August 6, 2019 at 8:59 AM
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    It's a difficult position to be in. If someone still lived at home, we didn't include significant others. We just sent a family invite. That being said, if someone would have reached out and asked, I don't think I would have said no. But our budget allowed for a few extra here & there. We also gave plus ones to all bridesmaids and groomsmen. But ours all lived on their own since they were all at least 23 years old, most being 28 or older. If you are close with her (assuming you are since your a BM), I'd just ask!

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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
    When we invited people with their families, we didn’t include boyfriends because these people were theoretically coming with their families and therefore didn’t need an SO’s company. Like I invited my aunt and uncle and 2 cousins, and the 15 year old cousin has a longterm boyfriend and I didn’t invite the boyfriend. Though, our decline rate being higher than expected, I wouldn’t have said no if I had been asked directly..... especially if that person was a bridesmaid.
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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
    If I were you I would just ask your cousin if you can bring him, but in a way that doesn’t make her pressured to say yes. Like start out by saying “I know you have a tight guest list and I understand if the answer is no, but I just figured I’d ask if my boyfriend could come because I know he’d really love to be there. But again, I understand if you don’t have the space or the budget.”
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  • Lauren
    VIP September 2019
    Lauren ·
    • Flag

    Etiquette wise: 1. You are in the bridal party, you should have gotten a plus one. 2. You are over 18 you should have gotten your own invite. 3. You and your bf are a social unit and should have been invited together by name.

    However, on your side the etiquette is tricky. Asking the bride although you are close is a little rude. It may have been an oversight on her part and she originally meant that he was included or this puts her in a pickle where budget and space are an issue and she figured you would be occupied being a bridesmaid.

    Either way if you decide to ask be very gracious and understanding of her decision. While it might not seem like a big deal to squeeze in one more person she probably has a lot of other issues to deal with.

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    You should ask her. You’re an adult in a committed relationship and it’s rude that she excluded your partner.
    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    • Flag

    It wouldn't hurt to reach out and ask. You and your boyfriend are a social unit and should have both been invited!

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  • I_Do_Too
    Devoted September 2020
    I_Do_Too ·
    • Flag
    I think your boyfriend should have been invited, even though you’ll likely be busy doing bridesmaids stuff during the wedding. You are putting “work” into this wedding and it would be nice if your significant other can be there to celebrate and support you.
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    In general she should have invited him. That being said I couldn't afford the boyfriends of our cousins so I did family invites for them, your cousin may have had a similar thought. I think you could just send her a quick text and say "Hey I was wondering if boyfriend was included in our family invite?" Whatever she says just respond with "Okay, thanks!" To avoid a fight
    • Reply
  • C
    Beginner February 2020
    Ciera ·
    • Flag
    If budget is an issue for your cousin, you could always offer to pay for his meal. Also, if he does end up coming, make sure you get a gift(s) to cover the cost of you AND him.
    • Reply
  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I agree to ask her in a polite way: "Hey was he included?" and please: If she says no our venue can only accommodate so many people, please drop it. I had a cousin who came back at me THREE times to invite her grown son and his wife (they are in their 30's, lol) It was making me want to rescind her invite!!! (I would not have done that, by the way, but I was prepared to say, Look if it offends you that they are not invited you are free to stay home.)

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  • Ali
    Expert March 2021
    Ali ·
    • Flag
    I would talk to her directly and say that ypu would like to bring him and explain why. Usually when an invitation is addressed to family it is assumed that plus ones are included at least that's the way we are doing it.
    • Reply
  • Sara
    Super October 2019
    Sara ·
    • Flag

    Agreed with all - he probably should have been invited, and I think it's ok to gently ask. One other thing to consider - what's her RSVP system? If it's online, go ahead and RSVP (or try to) and double check that he's not included as a guest in your family invite. I have a kind of similar situation with my dad, stepmom, and stepsister - she's about your age but still lives at home and has a long-term boyfriend. I was talking to them about sending invites and they insisted I just send one to all of them, and they'd take care of making sure she know she has a plus one for him. Wedding etiquette is weird, and maybe this was just a lapse in memory or judgement.

    • Reply
  • Talia
    Super October 2020
    Talia ·
    • Flag

    Similar situation, at the time of FH one cousin wedding in 2017 I was with my FH for like 6 years. We didn't live together yet. His family just got an invitation and the wording was "The ___ Family" I wasn't on there but I was invited. Same thing happened with his other cousin in 2018. At this point we were together for 7 (weren't engaged/living together when invites went out by the time of the wedding we were.) . I also was invited but my name wasn't actually on the invite. It was just addressed to his family. I would just ask honestly. I've known his cousins longer than I've known my FH so I knew I was invited but it doesn't hurt to ask.

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