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VIP August 2020

i Think I'm Losing My Mind

Kathryn, on March 8, 2020 at 2:29 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 15

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So my cousin messaged me this morning, saying she had to decline so she could take care of the animals so my aunt and uncle can attend. She was the only cousin on my mom's side that was coming, and I understandably got upset because up until this morning she had been a definite yes.

I was not my best. It sounded like some odd excuse - what does she have to do that she couldn't come up Friday and drive back Saturday? - so I said it sounded like an excuse but thanks for letting me know. She flew off at me saying I had no idea what she had going on and she didn't have to explain herself to me, calling me a bridezilla and saying I wasn't being understanding at all. When all I said was it sounded like an excuse because she was a yes until this morning.

Am I out of line? Probably. Am I probably never seeing my mom's side of the family again? I would not be surprised. We already sent the seating chart out to be printed - it'll take two weeks at least - so it is what it is at this point. So has anyone else had outrageous bridezilla moments?

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15 Comments

Latest activity by Kimberly, on March 9, 2020 at 12:28 AM

Devoted May 2021
Jasmine · on March 8, 2020 at 2:35 PM
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I understand why you got upset, be the people that matter will be there. Just remember that and if you hear an excuse for don’t coming to your wedding. You know where you stand with a person.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on March 8, 2020 at 2:36 PM
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It’s unfortunate that she changed her answer after RSVPing, but I agree that she didn’t owe you an explanation.
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VIP August 2020
Kathryn · on March 8, 2020 at 2:39 PM
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Yep, I agree. I just didn't expect her to blow up at me, but it was probably warranted. I've decided to limit my interactions with that side of the family so I don't lash out with my pettiness.
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January 2019
MOB So Cal · on March 8, 2020 at 3:02 PM
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I'm sorry that happened. I understand you being stressed and disappointed. I'd have probably thought the same thing about the pet care being an excuse, but maybe it was "just an excuse" when she actually has something more going on. Often times when people are super-defensive it's because there is some truth to what's being said to them. Maybe it's really finances or a personal problem, and she hoped blaming her absence on taking care of the pets would get her off the hook without having to share something she didn't want to. Or, it really could have been about the animals and she thought you were calling her a liar. We have friends who will cancel or leave something really early because, "they have to get home to their dog." We don't have a pet, so it always seems a little bizarre to me that it impacts their life the way it does, but that's their choice. (After it happened too many times, now we're much more selective about what we invite them to -- we no longer invite them to something we're buying tickets for knowing that they'll leave half-way through!) Hang in! If you're feeling up to it, perhaps send her a text or email and apologize for upsetting her, and just let her know you're disappointed she's unable to make it because you were so looking forward to having her there, but completely understand. You can even thank her for making it possible for your aunt and uncle to attend. Life's too short. Good luck to you!
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VIP August 2020
Kathryn · on March 8, 2020 at 3:08 PM
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I think it was more the latter, that she thought I was calling her a liar. But after having one cousin saying she can't make it because she's throwing a bachelorette for someone else and another saying she was working on a Saturday when she has a desk job, you can understand my disbelief. Also she was the last cousin to decline, so I had also explained to her before that everyone had flaked without even RSVP-ing. So it felt like, at the time, she had talked to my other cousins and decided to follow them in ignoring my wedding.

Could she have actual things going on? Oh absolutely. But I think I didn't deserve a multiple paragraph rant about how she doesn't owe me an explanation when all I really meant was I was going to miss her being there. Life's too short - I'm not dealing with it. I'll honestly be happy at this point if my parents and siblings show up.
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June 2021
Dj Tanner · on March 8, 2020 at 3:37 PM
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♥️I get your frustration as I think we all do with RSVPs! I wish people understood that when they back out on the last minute it really put us as brides in a tight spot. but with that said it unfortunately comes with the territory and its just another expected wedding expense. As far as feeling hurt that she can’t attend, throughout my wedding process I’m totally realizing the people who truly care and the others who don’t. It seems like you regret your comment and rightfully so you should have held but I get your frustration. Its gonna be okay and the people that truly care will attend♥️
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Dedicated March 2021
Michelle · on March 8, 2020 at 3:52 PM
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Oh no, that sucks so much! I mean, yeah, your response was kind of snippy, not outwardly rude, but I can see why she was taken aback. If you weren't hurting from all the declines, you probably would have reacted differently, and I think that's what she was expecting.

Just like she told you "you don't know what's going on in my life," she might not know the scope of what's going on on yours.
Leave it be for now, but if you happen to get in touch with her again, you might give her some context.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on March 8, 2020 at 5:13 PM
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I agree with this. I support you fully and ai know the stress you have dealt with and it's a huge disappointment she canceled late. However, if I had been told it sounds like an excuse I would have snapped too. I think maybe, if you want, message her you're sorry for what you said and explain how you felt that she wasn't coming. I am sorry your family isn't making your day a priority.
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Super November 2021
Alejandra · on March 8, 2020 at 5:37 PM
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Tbh I think you both overreacted here. Does it sound like a lame excuse? Kinda. But it also depends on the animals themselves. Some of them need constant care and attention, or maybe it’s following some sort of surgery or procedure. Or like someone else said, it may be an “excuse” to cover something else up that’s going on. If I texted someone “I’m so sorry but I can’t come anymore,” and gave my reason and they responded with “it sounds like an excuse,” I’d be very upset too. I don’t think you had a polite response (but that happens to all of us!) and she escalated it quickly too. She could have just not said anything at all.
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VIP August 2020
Kathryn · on March 8, 2020 at 5:46 PM
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Yeah I was not at my greatest and totally own that lol. We ended up talking on the phone, and she realized that I wasn't just upset about my numbers or anything like that. Now she's going to do her best to figure out her situation to make it, and we both apologized for being snippy. So hopefully it all works out. She was my closest cousin too so definitely why I was a little extra upset.
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VIP August 2020
Kathryn · on March 8, 2020 at 5:50 PM
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Yeah basically. I just snapped because a lot of my cousins have refused to decline officially and aren't coming for their own random reasons that are definitely excuses (One girl told me she was working but emailed my mom that she had to go to a baby shower for her friend). I definitely shouldn't have snapped, but thus the thread title lol. Thankfully we talked on the phone - much better than text! - and she's going to try to figure it out.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on March 8, 2020 at 6:49 PM
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Awwww I am glad you two worked it out and she'll try to make it. That's the rainbow after the storm. I have had my moments too. We all have our moments.
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VIP October 2021
Monica · on March 9, 2020 at 12:11 AM
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Aw. At least you recognize that you weren’t behaving your best. “Technically” you shouldnt blame a guest for not attending BUTT I completely understand. Its past ur rsvp deadline im guessing because u already printed the seating chart. And you already got a bunch of declines that you weren’t expecting right? Its ok. Hopefully ur cousin will understand nerves and stress are running high right about now.
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VIP October 2021
Jennifer · on March 9, 2020 at 12:18 AM
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Don’t feel bad! I had my flower girls dad( fiancé’s cousin) tell me that he has booked a long weekend for the same time as our wedding!!! Like they didn’t get the Save the Date In NOVEMBER! For our September wedding... and they agreed In December, I texted with his wife end of February!

The ring bearers mom is pregnant and due On our wedding! So he might not make it!
I get that I don’t “need them” but....... fml! I am trying to not flip out but I am sooooooo stressed with wedding, school, health, etc..,

So, I FEEL YA!!! We feel how we feel. Right, wrong or in between. Best of luck trying to get through and sort it all out.
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Super March 2021
Kimberly · on March 9, 2020 at 12:28 AM
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I agree. I understand why you are hurt and you aren’t wrong in your hurt at all. But I do think maybe telling her it sounded like an excuse have her the opportunity to snap back. I say offer an apology and ask if there is anything she wants to talk about. Even if she doesn’t want to talk, let her know that she will be greatly missed at your wedding and then let it go.
Offer the olive branch and then move forward. Your wedding day will be an amazing day.
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