i should be getting excited but I’m just so sad

Hi all my wedding is about a month away now in the backyard. I am so happy to finally be marrying the love of my life but I can’t help but just feel so sad still. Everyday I wake up feeling depressed I keep having dreams of what this day was supposed to look like. I have been struggling with the unknowns which I don’t do well with because I am a planner and not knowing if the most important people can be there has been so hard. My mother in law passed away back in March my father in law is so sad and whenever we bring up our day he doesn’t want to talk about it which I understand we are devastated about this loss. My mom is nothing but negative and has always been about my wedding from the start. We want to try and still have the party next year and she doesn’t understand why I still want to hold onto it another year. For us it’s about celebrating with the ones we love and there are so many people not physically able to attend this year. My feelings are so hurt and I just can’t control my sadness. I am helper and I am a social worker so I always help others so it’s weird for me to need the emotional help. I should be getting more excited but I wake up everyday sad and I don’t know how to get over this funk. The losses have hurt me in so many ways, most people dream about their wedding day and I just keep thinking of how different this was going to look and then it makes me feel like I just don’t deserve it because of all the negativity and sadness surrounding it. I don’t know how to handle all this a month before saying I Do it should feel positive and it just doesn’t. Sorry for the long vent but I know no one else will get it the way us brides do. My mom can’t seem to understand it but I tell her she never will because she didn’t have to go through this. Any advice would be appreciated! TIA! ♥️