i said yes too soon

Maybe you should try to go to counseling to see effective ways to communicate. He might not understand how to. If that still doesn't work then you can at least say you tried.

I definitely recommend pre-marital counseling. It sounds like these are pretty big issues for you, and you should not go into a marriage feeling super irritated with your soon to be spouse. The fact that you're having doubts is concerning, but definitely give counseling a try before making any big decisions.

I hate to say it, but RUN. These are some big red flags. I can’t imagine not being able to tell my FH about a tough day at work. Mutual support is why we have relationships in the first place. You’re having these thoughts for a reason and you’re stating them for a reason. At the very least, postpone your wedding and seek counseling for yourself. Listen to your gut, it might save you a bigger heartache in the end. Best of luck ❤️

These kinds of posts always confuse me. You say he's pretty disregarding of your feelings (he doesn't listen to any venting at all? Everything is about him??) He's uncaring about your life together?

And then you describe him as a lovely person?

Love... where is that dissonance?

Hon, that’s not a good sign to have these doubts. And from the examples you’re giving those are CRITICALLY components of a marriage. I love my FH because I know he’s the one I can call as soon as something good/bad/terrible/upsetting/frustrating anything goes on in my life. If he’s not willing to listen to you I don’t think it is something that will be fixed over time. However, I think this is a concern you should bring up to him, maybe you could work through it?

View Quoted Comment Agreed, counseling is a very good idea! Assuming he wants to try, if he’s not up to it run.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! Will do. How do I even go about the counseling?

View Quoted Comment Will do. Honestly don’t want to spend the rest of my life and be miserable or divorced for the same red flag I ignored in the beginning

View Quoted Comment He cares about our life together and yes everything is indirectly about him or god. It’s complicated to explain

View Quoted Comment Thank you so I just google that then call numbers?

View Quoted Comment Will do. Thank you!

You really can’t have doubts when doing this. When I got engaged there was not one doubt in my mind. I said yes confidently. Now I can tell you love each other so I think you guys need to sit down and have a conversation. Express your feelings to him and maybe suggest couples counseling before you move forward with wedding planning. If he refuses and doesn’t see anything wrong with the relationship or won’t acknowledge your feelings about it, I’d say it’s time to move on...

Counseling is easily found through:

1. Your insurer

2. Your local university

3. Your county's mental health website

4. Your state's mental health website

HIGHLY recommend.

However, it does sound like you aren't sure what you want in a partner. You describe him as "lovely," but haven't offered any other qualities of him other than "talking too much". You might benefit from solo counseling, as well as couples'.

View Quoted Comment Wonderful question! There are several ways: 1) ask your general physician for a referral/recommendation; 2) go to your health insurance provider’s webpage - they have a search feature for providers that are covered (still double check when you call); 3) Psychology Today’s website has a fantastic search feature that gives lots of details on providers: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
4) American Psychological Association’s webpage also offers this: https//locator.apa.org; 5) if your employer has an Employee Assistance Program, reach out to them. Their whole purpose is to help people find resources I’m the coordinator for my job’s EAP - this is a VERY common request. I’m also a psychologist, and I think everyone can benefit from working with someone. Best of luck, sweetie. 😊

I would definitely recommend premarital counseling. My fiance and I have been just due to our officiant recommending it for all her clients. And it was nice, there will always be differences between couples BUT if you feel your feelings are always disregarded, sadly that is a big issue. You're having doubts for a reason and your doubts seem really valid - don't feel sorry for how you feel. Also, if he does not want to do counseling then that there shows you maybe he's not in it enough to make it work. A relationship is work, a marriage will be work. Trust me i love my fiance to death but we don't always see eye to eye, but at the end of the day he is the person i am most comfortable with to tell him anything that is going on. I'm sending hugs and prayers!

View Quoted Comment

I have to agree with this. And I'm speaking from experience with my ex-husband. That behavior will not get better by getting married. If anything, it's likely to escalate and get worse (that's what happened to me).

At the very least, you need to put a hold on any wedding plans and seek pre-marital counseling from a professional. If he is not willing to do that (and actually put in some effort), then please, PLEASE do not marry him.

I'm sure you love him, but if you cannot talk with him about the good and the bad and if he refuses to apologize for anything he does then he is NOT in fact a lovely person. He is a person who has serious flaws and refuses to acknowledge or work on them.