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Dedicated August 2020

i said i would wear my mom's dress...

Stephanie, on September 3, 2019 at 8:29 AM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 14

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So I got engaged on August 8th while in Ireland with my FH. The day that we got back to the states, my mom suggested I wear her dress so I tried it on. I was a little flustered and caught up, so I said I would wear it ( it is a pretty dress).
But now ofcourse I'm thinking of all those dresses I was dreaming about before getting engaged and I'm bummed that I won't even get to go try on dresses to find THE one. We have to get my mom's dress fitted, but I don't want to do that if it's not really the dress I want!
We're also doing a Fallout-inspired vintage theme and I've always debated wearing a dark/colored dress (Our wedding colors will be emerald green and gold, so I would want an emerald green dress) I'll post a picture of the look I'm thinking of. I want a birdcage veil and preferably a pair of short gloves with whatever dress I wear.

I also have the problem of loving all these beautiful, long, white dresses (and black dresses, and floral dresses) that will clash with the 50s theme.
I just don't know what to do, and even if I don't go with my mom's dress, I can't really afford an expensive dress (but I can get a 50s style dress on Amazon for 40 bucks).

Have any of you had similar problems?
How do I break it to my mom gently that I want to explore my other options? Her face LIT UP when I wore her dress, and I don't want to break her heart.
And would it be ridiculous if I wore a dress that wasn't actually a 50s dress, at a 50s/ vintage- themed wedding?

I have photos of me in my mom's dress (unfitted) and then the various types of dresses I love.

i said i would wear my mom's dress... 1

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Stephanie, on September 3, 2019 at 9:57 PM

Super October 2020
Megan · on September 3, 2019 at 8:36 AM
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I love your style! Based on the pictures of the dresses that you like, it doesn’t seem to match what your moms dress looks like.

Maybe show her the same pics and tell her that was more of the style you were going for. (Who knows, maybe you can get it altered to look more edgy?)
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Super September 2020
Jennifer · on September 3, 2019 at 8:39 AM
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Is it possible to wear it for just the ceremony? Alter it a bit... add 3/4 sleeves, maybe make it a high low hem and have some of that green color in crinoline show at the front and bottom? That green swing dress look is awesome btw for what you described above.
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Expert October 2019
Heather · on September 3, 2019 at 8:40 AM
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I wonder, would your mom be ok (or would you be ok) if you wore her dress for the ceremony and your choice of a second dress for the reception, or vice versa? That’s always an option, if it’s something you would want to do.
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Dedicated August 2020
Stephanie · on September 3, 2019 at 8:50 AM
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I'm just so scared of altering her dress in major ways, I don't think she would mind but I would feel bad.
I'm going to add her to my pinterest board so that she can see the styles I'm into though, and maybe she'll be okay with it
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Super October 2019
Sara · on September 3, 2019 at 8:53 AM
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I second the ide of wearing her dress for the ceremony. It might not be a perfect plan, but you wouldn't have to alter it much, and you could still spend most of your time in a dress you like more.
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Dedicated August 2020
Stephanie · on September 3, 2019 at 8:59 AM
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I think you guys might be hitting the nail on the head with the two-dress idea.
That way I could also still wear a classic white dress as well and then I can go full 50s for the reception.
I'm going to bring that up with my mom, and maybe we can have some alterations done as well.
There may be a light at the end of the tunnel!
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Devoted October 2019
Lara · on September 3, 2019 at 9:46 AM
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Thank her. Say the dress is beautiful, but it's not your dream wedding dress.
You only get married once (possibly...haha) so dont start off giving into pressure and doing something you dont want to.
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Super September 2019
Denise · on September 3, 2019 at 10:04 AM
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Maybe if you're trying to save feelings you could wear your moms dress to the ceremony and get another dress for the reception? Or vice versa?
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VIP September 2023
Erin · on September 3, 2019 at 2:54 PM
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I agree with the idea of getting 2 dresses, if she doesn’t like it, just tell her that her dress is kind of heavy and bulky and you want something a little lighter to be able to dance and move during your reception. (By the way, your mom’s dress is beautiful! Mine got married in 1989 and it’s a mess of satin, lace, ribbons, and puffy sleeves xD)
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Dedicated August 2020
Stephanie · on September 3, 2019 at 3:52 PM
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Your mom's dress actually sounds beautiful to me! I LOVE 80s wedding dresses, but I know it's way out of my theme lol. I'm a sucker for puffy sleeves.
I talked to my mom and she was actually the one to suggest making big changes to her dress. So I think well make some alterations, and then I'll wear it for the ceremony
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VIP September 2023
Erin · on September 3, 2019 at 4:04 PM
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Good to hear she’s on board with you making changes. I feel like it should be expected when you offer your dress to someone (especially when the wedding wasn’t the month beforehand or something) that the recipient may want to make some changes, and personalize the dress to their own tastes. If my daughter asks to wear my dress if she gets married some day over the rainbow, I would expect her to want to make changes, and at that point the dress is hers to do with it as she wishes.

As for my mom’s dress, I ended up going with strapless, heavy beading on the bodice, and sequined tulle xD the opposite of her dress
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Dedicated August 2020
Stephanie · on September 3, 2019 at 4:10 PM
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We love what we love lol.

Now that I know my mom is open to changes, my mind is racing on what I can do with it. It'll basically be a custom dress that no one else has, which is really cool. I just don't know what kind of alteration are possible and/or affordable, but we can figure that out.

I actually really love the shape of her dress, and I like the strap. I personally hate strapless dresses because I don't like the way my torso looks in them.
Hopefully we can shorten it and maybe even add some sleeves (although I'm not sure if that's possible).

I think we can get it to look pretty killer though
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VIP September 2023
Erin · on September 3, 2019 at 4:13 PM
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Maybe talk to a seamstress and figure out what would or would not be possible? It’d definitely help you get some cost estimates at the very least and you can figure out what would be practical to change.
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Dedicated August 2020
Stephanie · on September 3, 2019 at 9:57 PM
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I think that's what were gonna do. I'm also going to try on dresses that have the various styles I want put into my mom's dress, to see if I actually like the way it looks (and to get ideas on what to add to her dress).
Right now I'm thinking we just shorten the front of the dress and then ask what, if anything, can be changed about the top.
I could always wear some type of slip or jacket over the top to change how it looks though
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