i really want personalised vows but fh doesn't - will i regret if we don't have them?

Can you maybe compromise and write letters to each other to read before the ceremony or maybe do your own vows privately at some other point that day?

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I thought about that but to be honest I feel like neither of them would makeup for it because our wedding ceremony itself would still be lacking that element which I really wanted. To me there isn't much of a differentiation between reading vows privately to saying those similar things any other day.

My husband was all for writing personalized vows, but he didn’t want to read them at the ceremony for the same reason… and we only had 14 guests! So after the reception, we went to our hotel and the photographers captured us reading our vows there. It was just as special to me and I cried. I cried again on our anniversary when we read the vows to each other. He asked for so little in the planning process (his only other requests were that we didn’t have a first look and he wanted a navy blue suit) so we did it this way. It was his wedding too, so I was happy to let him choose those details since they were important enough to make his list 😊

My cousin and his wife wrote their own repeat after me vows. They were super sweet. Would he be interested In That kind of compromise? You can both work together to write them.

I feel like if you push the issue, its going to be super awkward when he is forced to read personal details in front of people, and won't really have the affect you are after anyway

I would 100% put his comfort first, as that's more important. As others have suggested maybe read personalized vows to each other in private.

My husband and I wrote our vows together. That way it wasn’t a surprise but still personal to the both of us.

This is what I was thinking also. I know in your perfect vision for your wedding the two of you lovingly read vows to each other.. but unfortunately it doesn’t sound like that would be the experience for your fiancé. As we all know, partnerships involve two people and marriages involve a lot of compromise- and it sounds like this is going to be one of those times. If it is very important for you to have personally written vows, then I would sit down with FH and figure out a way for the two of you to compromise that makes you both feel comfortable- whether that’s writing love letters to each other and exchanging them before the ceremony, reading your vows to one another during a first look or a private moment after the ceremony, writing vows together… whatever your FH feels comfortable in doing, so that you both have a positive experience during your ceremony.

You can have the priest/minister/officiant read them. That's what I am having the officiant do for my wedding. My FH is not comfortable speaking in front of a crowd, but I am. So we compromised to do vows, but for the officiant sto speak out for us. For example, the officiant will read, "To Cody, Heather promises to still accompany you on your spontaneous trips to Lowe's whether you intentionally wanted to buy something or not. Or even if you come up with a project on the spot." etc. So hopefully this will be a good compromise! And you can always write it together if you would like if he is unsure of what to say

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To you there isn't any differentiation. But to me, and maybe to your FH, it's a big difference. One person versus 50. I hate public speaking so the thought of saying my innermost personal vows to my FH in front of all of our guests would terrify me to the point I could faint doing it. So my FH and I agreed to write them and exchange them privately and do the traditional repeat after me vows during our ceremony.

Thank you all for your advice!

We spoke about it and FH explained that for him the main concern is that he doesn't feel comfortable expressing something so personal and intimate in front of a group, and while I wanted personalised vows, I can understand that and naturally want to ensure he is comfortable on the day.

We've decided that instead during our first look we will read out personalised vows to one another and make that moment special for us!

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I think this will be a really nice compromise, and very romantic!

(I DIDNT SEE THE UPDATE BEFORE POSTING THIS WHOOPS) My FH and I are both nervous public speakers him more than me. We decided we will have scripted vows during the ceremony and do our personalized vows during our first look! We want to stand back to back and read them aloud to each other then do the reveal. If you're having a videographer they can film just the two of you so you have the recording! If you're not doing a first look you could do a *first hand hold* around a corner and read them or read them after the ceremony alone together.