I purposely didn't invite my cousin or aunt to my wedding...

Apologies for the short story, it's limited to 1000 characters and that's just not enough. Haha!

I can relate in a sense and believe it's your day and you shouldn't feel obligated to invite anyone you don't want to....I wouldn't want to spend any part of the day worrying what they were doing to say or do (especially at the reception) but that's just my opinion, others may feel otherwise, sorry you have to be in that position though, best of luck!

I hate the "family is family" excuse! When people are bad to you, you are not required to include hem in your life. Sorry to hear you have to go through this! I hope the rest of your fam is supportive.

Here's the thing that I learned. Weddings are like family reunions for most people. She probably wants an invite because she was "left out". Tell them that they weren't apart of the original guest count (because of everything that has gone on) that you will check back with them at a later date, if you are able to accommodate them. If nothing else - that could buy you some time to at least think about it.

I am in a similar boat.....I have just decided to eliminate all wild cards (I.e. Not inviting a cousin as well).

It's your day...make the decision based on what your gut says.

Lifelong friends? You lived together? Do you know how often living together changes a relationship? If you hadn't have lived together, gotten under each other's skin, and instead, had maintained a social life including separate addresses, it sounds like this woman -- your cousin, would probably be in your bridal party.

You say they "cornered" your mother. They'd say they "approached" her. Regardless, your cousin has, according to you, attempted to bury the hatchet. What more is a human being required to do to mend a rift? The ball is in your court. Do you want to maintain a cold war with someone you previously called "my best friend my entire life", or would you rather accept the fact that you were probably equally to blame for a situation that got a little too heated (because her story would be different than yours).

Either way, it's up to you, but I can give the perspective of someone who has more life behind them than ahead of them. Alot of these family fights aren't all the unusual. People go through this kind of thing. Plus, remember, friends will come and friends will go. The constant will be your family. You will see them at weddings and funerals, at the very least. The day will come, maybe a decade from now, when you'll wonder how and why you allowed this thing to get this big -- especially when she extended an olive branch and offered to end it.

I'd invite them...because life is just too short, and nothing you said rises to the level of warranting a "they're dead to me" solution.

I agree with ebonite J.

In my opinion, it's your wedding. You invite the people that you feel are important to you and the people that feel you are important. If you don't feel comfortable having them there, you don't have to invite them. And if they truly are apologetic and feel bad for what they did, they should understand the hurt you felt from their betrayal as your family. Just remember. It's your day and you shouldn't have to stress about such negatives, you should be focused on all the happiness that is going to follow your wedding day in years to come. hope that helps..

Listen to Centerpiece's wisdom. Don't listen to the bullshit reasoning that "this is your day". No, it's not.

I know it is hard, but I agree with centerpieces. I have a similar situation and I invited the cousin anyway. It is hard to bury the hatchet when you have been hurt. But you have the opportunity to be the bigger person.

I agree with centerpieces. End of the day it's family and later on you may regret not having them there. They are family and nothing will change that. Sometimes we fight but always will be connected. Seems like she tried to reconcile so ball is in your court!

I agree with centerpiece. Life is short and there nothing like family. You will feel better once you forgive and move on.

Centerpiece is right.

Two of my cousins who where once great friends lived together. They had a similar problem as you, plus a mis-communication about bills. I heard both sides of the story and Neither of them where "right". As much as I dont think just beacuse they are family they should get a free pass, but it sounds like she wants to move and you should at least try. You are going to see her and your aunt for the rest of your life, I would consider at least trying to be civil.

I don't know about this.

I don't speak to a cousin of mine and she has blocked me on FB considering our fight happened 7 years ago and before she was even on FB. I didn't invite her to my wedding. Her brother was and came after work to the reception (we still speak) and her parents were invited as a favor to my mom knowing they would not come (which they didn't, they also contributed to the craziness of the situation).

I also have not invited them to my baby shower nor will they be invited to my son's baptism, except for the son. Sometimes you can only take so many barbs and comments from people where you have to draw the line in the sand and stand up for yourself.

Centerpiece's advise is solid. Consider that not inviting them will ensure a permanent rift between you and your cousin. You're not going to spend the entire event talking only to her, your attention will be split among your many guests. If you want any chance of rekindling a relationship with your once best friend, either now or in the future, invite her.

I appreciate everyone's advice, and I apologize for not giving better details (my work break was over!). I didn't expect this much! So I sincerely thank everyone!!!

Essentially, there was a poor communication on both of our parts, and I will admit to that fault. However, I felt manipulated when she made me pay her back her half of the deposit when she bailed on our lease early and without warning, when she wouldn't normally get any of it back at all. She became verbally aggressive when I tried to question her about it. She frequently spoke ill of me to many mutual friends and when I wasn't home she and my aunt would say things that you just wouldn't say about a friend, much less a family member (I have no life, I'm the worst roommate because I never come out of my room, talking about my romantic life). The only reason I know of these things is that they weren't aware my best friend was in my room at the time and heard everything through the thin walls.

She would give me glaring looks in the hallways at work and both of them have been fairly passive aggressive towards me the past two years (getting everyone goodie bags but me at Christmas, the clear lack of excitement when I announced my engagement, blocking me on Facebook).

As far as I know, I didn't do anything wrong other than not see that there was a problem sooner. I was never really told that there was even an issue until she left me without much explanation to pay for an apartment that I couldn't afford.

She admitted in her message that she did everything intentionally. I am appreciative that she reached out, and do plan to respond. Things will probably never be the same between us, but I want to be able to attend other family functions without feeling like I'm unwanted. I'm glad the wedding is seemingly the reason for resolution, I'm just conflicted.

Both MoH and FH support whichever decision I make, which is nice.

Sorry if this explanation didn't help. ><

IMHO it seems like they just want an invite because they didnt get one not because they genuinely want to support you on your wedding day.

In my opinion I think they just want to be invited so they won't feel left out...which is the same way that they made you feel for the last few years. The fact that your cousin tried to intentionally hurt you for years is more than enough of a reason to not invite her. Personally, I wouldn't invite anyone to my wedding who treated me that way. If they were not excited for me when I got engaged then there is no reason for them to be there on my wedding day. I feel like your aunt and cousin just want to save face. I'd say respond to your cousin and bury whatever hachet there is to bury, and move on because she is family, but I still wouldn't invite her. Keep in mind the timing of all of this. Would she have reached out if you weren't getting married?