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Dedicated November 2020

i need to vent...

__, on August 1, 2020 at 9:22 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 6

My wedding is planned for November 25th, 2020 and planning was actually going smooth until COVID happened and on top of that our governor handled it so poorly that my state became a hot spot. Now in a normal setting, this would still be okay. We'd cut the guest list to 50 and proceed. The problem is that my mom has Lupus and is high risk. She's been my priority. My nana who has diabetes and Lupus and is over 65 is also high risk, but she seems more loose with the rules and still has her kids/grand kids over. My mom isn't able to see anyone under doctor's orders (Lupus isn't her only illness, but it's the only one that makes her high risk.) We decided, okay let's do immediate family and very close friends only. Max would be 18 people. It was planned to always keep my mom and step-dad six feet from everyone and to still be distanced from everyone else as much as we could and everyone wear masks, ceremony outside, etc, etc. That was until my mom had a very bad month of July. She's still not doing great. On top of that, my brother, our best man, just got diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis making him now high risk as well. He's okay being around my fiance and I, but I don't know how he'll feel about everyone else (my FH's family is mostly coming from another hot spot state.)

I feel so defeated now that we may just end up eloping and will try to have our original plans postponed to next year. The thing is, I don't even know if next year will be safer for my loved ones. I don't even have the energy to think about continuing to plan and guess and hope that it can happen next year and I can finally have my mom be by my side on that special day. It's heartbreaking. My fiance says that even if it's just us two it will be special, and I agree. But it isn't our choice to be just us two and I think that's what's killing me.

On top of this my soon to be sister-in-law and maid of honor still hasn't gotten her dress even though I sent her all of the info and she even helped pick the dress she liked best. This was back in February before anything shut down. She asked if we still wanted her to go spend money and get a fancy dress, since 'to be honest she doesn't think we should dress up since it's just us.' She asked what time the ceremony was because she was going to look at booking flights and I was about to tell her when I was like "why would she need to know this for booking a flight? Is she planning on flying in same day?" So I asked my FH to text and ask and she said she wasn't sure yet, and also that she might catch a flight right after to spend Turkey Day with her kids (this part I don't mind.) By the way she didn't even book any flight at all. It just makes me feel like she doesn't really care to be there and isn't treating it like it's our freaking wedding and only the most special day of our lives! The other problem is my FH's dad is probably just going to follow suit on what she does so if they end up with a same day flight, we'll have to cross our fingers they don't get delayed. Just ridiculous.

I just needed to let this all out somewhere. Thanks for listening. Still not sure what we're going to do. I told them we'd let them know by the end of this coming week so that they have time to book their possibly same day flights *rolls eyes* lol

6 Comments

Latest activity by __, on August 3, 2020 at 6:49 PM
  • A
    Super September 2020
    Alli ·
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    You are in a very hard spot (as if COVID wasn’t enough). I get it. Our original date was May 2; my future MIL is dying of cancer. We are doing a spontaneous wedding in 30 days of 15 guests in her state of N.C... the majority of us will be driving from Michigan. We are paying extra to switch our indoor venue to an outdoor venue to decrease risk. Not sure if you guys are willing to do an intimate outdoor venue... not sure what state you’re in, but guessing the south since you’re currently a hot spot..? An outdoor venue would not be possible here in November lol Brr. Anyways, we also had a family member act like our wedding was a major inconvenience (revamped our entire wedding for her mother) and I informed my FH that his sister was not allowed and he was fine with it. We only want those 100% in support and those who want to be there. Acting like our wedding is a chore is ignorant to say the least.
    Whatever you end of doing, I wish you the best!! Sorry for my ramble as well haha.
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  • Angel
    Expert August 2020
    Angel ·
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    I absolutely hate seeing so many others wedding dreams being ruined by this damn virus. I love having other people to relate to during such a hard time, but man my heart hurts even more seeing all the people going through the same frustrating things, and feeling the same sadness. I wish I had some magic advice, but the only way to keep everyone safe is to just postpone. That's what we knew we had to do. We will still be getting married, with only my MOH as a witness and postponing the "big" ceremony/reception. I am also very sad that our families won't be there when we say our "I Do's" but trying to make the best of it, and the idea of getting the opportunity to have 2 different types of ceremonies and celebrations is what's getting me through this. Us Covid brides definitely deserve extra celebration after going through all this. I really hope you're able to make a decision that you're happy with! Smiley heart

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  • Lynnie
    WeddingWire Administrator October 2016
    Lynnie ·
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    My heart goes out to you Jacquelyn, that's so much to handle! ❤️ This is definitely a safe space to vent so let it all out!!

    Try to let go of the stuff that's not as important (like stressing about your MOH) and just focus on you and your fiancé, and everyone's health!

    giphy.gif?cid=ecf05e4720d3545ccd3efcd98d

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  • _
    Dedicated November 2020
    __ ·
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    I'm so sorry to hear about your Mother in Law. Smiley sad I'm glad that she'll be able to be there and be part of yours and your fiance's big day. I'm in AZ, so depending on the weather, we are doing an outside ceremony. It can be cold and rainy in November here sometimes, so in that case we would need to be indoors, but in one of the bigger rooms. That's such a good idea to just not invite the people who aren't treating it as an important day in your life. I already told my fiance that if we end up asking the immediate family to be there, we are telling her to buy the fancy dress as we still want it to feel special and if she wants to dress down, she's gonna be the one to look silly in all the photos lol.
    Don't apologize for your ramble. We're all here to lean on each other. If you ever need to ramble more you can send me a message. I'm here to support. Smiley heart I wish you the best as well!

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  • _
    Dedicated November 2020
    __ ·
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    You're so super sweet, Angel. I felt so bad seeing all the posts of everyone being upset from having to move their dates, some multiple times. I agree, it's awful. I kept thinking, okay our money isn't too tied up in anything so we're okay, but I would trade all the money in the world to just have my mom there and to be able to hug her and get our hair and makeup done together like we'd planned. And to be able to have my brother meet all of my fiance's family and not have to worry if they're wearing gloves or masks or if they're six feet from him. I'm sorry that your family won't all get to be there. We need two witnesses, so I think my dad and brother and my nana (she prayed to be able to see my wedding since I was a little girl) will be in attendance and my brother may act as videographer for my mom and fiance's family. But yes, I hope next year is different and that we all get to celebrate our original weddings we all had planned. And we most certainly do deserve two weddings at the VERY least lol. Thank you for your comment and showing your support and sweetness Smiley heart

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  • _
    Dedicated November 2020
    __ ·
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    Thank you. Smiley cry I definitely need hugs, even virtual ones. It gets tough and then I tell myself it's okay and try to stay optimistic, but now that it's decision time, trying to imagine the day without my mom is hard.
    Yes maid of honor is the least of my worries, but it definitely annoyed me haha.
    Thank you for your support. I needed it. Smiley heart

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