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Virginia
Super June 2021

i need to vent

Virginia, on May 22, 2021 at 3:21 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 21
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My 21 year old niece is my one and only bridesmaid. She gained quite a bit of weight during quarantine and our dresses went thru final alterations last March (wedding was supposed to be April 2020). I’ve been asking her for months to try on her dress. Well, she tried it on yesterday and it won’t even zipper. My wedding is in 2 weeks! She called and only found ONE local seamstress who could squeeze her in and have it completed before the wedding. She was supposed to go at 1 today and here it is, 3pm, and she’s stuck at the dealer getting an oil change. I am furious!!!! Then she proceeds to tell me she can’t go during the week bc she has to work. I told her this needs to be a priority and she said school is her first priority, not the wedding. I am trying not to lose my cool. Why are we getting an oil change instead of showing up for an emergency seamstress appt. I never said school shouldn’t be a priority but she could’ve skipped the oil change today. She can take an hour or two off work on Monday. It’s not my fault she waited til the last minute to try it on!

21 Comments

Latest activity by Peyton, on May 23, 2021 at 12:54 AM
  • B
    VIP July 2017
    Becky ·
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    She may need a new dress anyway, depending on how much weight she's put on . . . which may be why she skipped the seamstress - she didn't want to hear that the dress couldn't be let out enough.

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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
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    I can understand your frustration. Unfortunately, just as your wedding is important you, it sounds like school, work and the service upkeep of her car is important to your niece. Sure, it’s annoying… but luckily she’s your only bridesmaid. So she can easily purchase a dress off the rack. It’s not ideal, but having Plan B’s comes with life, and that includes wedding planning too.
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  • Virginia
    Super June 2021
    Virginia ·
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    While that may be true, I also have a job, 3 kids, a car, a home, and 3 pets to take care of. I understand what you’re saying but we all know an oil change can wait til next weekend or the seamstress could’ve been dealt with BEFORE the oil change, etc. She has had NO responsibilities as my bridesmaid. I was 18 when I was her mother’s maid of honor and I threw her bachelorette party, bridal shower, made all her favors, etc etc. I, too, had school and a job and a car and did still did all that I needed to for her wedding. The ONLY thing I have asked my niece to do is have a dress and walk down the aisle. The ONLY reason I had her as my ONLY bridesmaid is bc she asked me multiple times if she could be a part of my wedding. I’m not saying her things aren’t important but this could’ve also been dealt w MONTHS ago when I asked her.
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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
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    Yep…. I hear ya. Just thinking forward and offering an idea since the past actions with her car, etc. are done and already occurred. My fear with your niece is that she already showed/told you her priorities. So my trust in her getting the alterations within 2 weeks would be low (but that’s just me). So, having another dress in mind is a good back-up plan. Or there’s also the option of not having her in the wedding at all. Hope it all works out!
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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    My guess is she is self-conscious about the weight she gained therefore she didn't want to try on a dress that she knew would be too small. It sounds like the best option would be to get a different dress.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2020
    Katie ·
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    Hi Virginia, I don’t blame you and I’d be furious too!! It boils down to not having a solution to the problem and now, having little time to find a solution. My heart goes out to her for the extreme insecurity, but it doesn’t change the fact a dress is needed in a short amount of time. Unfortunately, you have to step in when I’m sure you have a to do list of your own. I’m so sorry and hope David’s Bridal or another shop has a dress in the store!! ❤️
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  • Virginia
    Super June 2021
    Virginia ·
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    We’d still have to get THAT dress altered.
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  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
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    I agree with this. If she’s the only bridesmaid then there’s no need to find an identical dress - just get a new one which fits her off the rack in the right colour. The original dress is probably a no-go at this point.

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  • Virginia
    Super June 2021
    Virginia ·
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    She is 5’ and has a unique body shape. Either way, she’ll need alterations.
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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    At this point, I think I would try to be super compassionate with her, as she is probably very upset about the weight gain. I would let her now that you sympathize with her situation, and whatever solution she feels is best for her is fine with you- whether that be her finding time to get the dress altered before the wedding, purchasing a dress that fits her off the rack, or finding something she already owns to wear. You are lucky in that she is the only BM, so it really doesn’t matter what she wears.
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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    Not necessarily. I've never in my life had to get a dress altered. She can get something off the rack and wear it as is.

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  • Catherine
    Expert March 2023
    Catherine ·
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    An oil change should definitely be a priority. What if she had gotten into an accident because her car broke down? Her car and her car working correctly is definitely important.
    I understand your frustration and I’m so sorry about your stress, but you should be thankful she took care of getting her oil changed instead of maybe getting hurt.
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  • Catherine
    Expert March 2023
    Catherine ·
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    Why would you have to get a dress altered if she didn’t wear it? If she finds a new dress that fits her you can leave the old one alone.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Agree with this. Anyone gaining weight would have major insecurity and she needs empathy. A dress off the rack will be fine and doesn’t need to be form fitting. She might feel better that it’s not.
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  • Virginia
    Super June 2021
    Virginia ·
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    An oil change can certainly wait a few days. I do own a car myself.
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  • Virginia
    Super June 2021
    Virginia ·
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    Huh? The old one already went thru final alterations. My wedding was canceled 2 weeks before in April 2020.
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  • Virginia
    Super June 2021
    Virginia ·
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    I had my wedding dress let out too. I can sympathize but u have to do what u have to do. I’m was upset as the bride to have my gown taken it out but it is what it is.
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  • Gabby
    Devoted October 2021
    Gabby ·
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    Just have her buy a different dress. You can't tell her what things are and aren't important to her. She probably has a lot going on in her life as well. Just because you have juggled many things at once well doesn't mean other people always do.
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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    She is self conscious about the weight gained during quarantine so she delayed trying on the dress and is now embarrassed and overwhelmed knowing it doesn’t fit with no time for the wedding. I’d try empathy and encourage her to find any dress of appropriate formality that fits her in time. Worst possible scenario you tape or cut the bottom to fit the length.
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  • AB
    Devoted September 2022
    AB ·
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    If she has gained weight or lacks motivation to do things right now that may be a sign of her mental well-being and someone’s mental health takes priority over anything. Find her a dress that goes with the theme and if you don’t like the dress options, don’t have her stand up there with you, especially if you are so infuriated with her.
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