i need some advise

She said she would wear it though right? She’s just complaining about it? Have you suggested her wearing it for photos and ceremony only?

View Quoted Comment She said she would wear them, but keeps talking about her 3.5 inch heels she has at home that she should wear so she doesn't have to hem the dress and she doesn't walk funny. I've offered for her to change into heels later but she complains that she will look stupid because her dress will be too short.

Honestly, this would not be something I would want to stress about in the slightest. Couples can get very caught-up in the details when, in reality, what the bridesmaids have on their feet isn't going to stand out much to anyone. Really not a battle I'd want to fight--I'd relent on the heels and just have her wear them.

Kicking your sister out of your bridal party WILL NOT alleviate your stress. If anything, it will cause drastically more, because she’ll be hurt and it will affect your relationship even into the future. Because it’s your sister, other family would probably get involved — it is not worth the drama.


The only thing that is really within your power is to temper your own expectations. She did say she would wear the shoes, she’s just complaining about it — let it go. Don’t let her comments get under your skin— they don’t matter, and you’ve done the best you can. She can complain and she can be unhappy, but let that be her problem, not your own. Have a line, something like “this is the decision I’ve made and it’s not going to change. If that means you don’t want to participate, then you don’t have to. But that would be disappointing because I really want you there with me. So, I’m hoping you’ll come around to the decisions that I’ve made” — don’t waiver and don’t draw it out beyond that. There is no back and forth. “This is the decision I have made and it’s not going to change” — make it your mantra, and just let her complaints roll right off that.

If she said she'll wear them, just accept it for what it is. I don't really get why her shoes need to be dictated anyway, I personally would encourage her to wear what she is more comfortable in.

I think if you let her wear whatever she wants then you should extend that to all your bridesmaids. I think it's easier to just give them a color and let them wear whatever they want.

Why not pay for her dress alteration to make it shorter so she can wear the flats and not walk funny? I think that would be a good compromise.

Are they long dresses? it's likely no one will see the shoes anyway so i dont understand why its a big deal. She should listen to the dress code, but at the end of the day you have to ask yourself are shoes really worth not having your sister in your wedding party? probably not.

If the dresser are long, why does it matter what shoes the bridesmaids wear? I would completely understand if their dress were short why you would want them all to be the same, but literally no one will see the bridesmaids shoes in a long dress.

Shoes are very personal, and often have a direct impact on peoples' health.

Don't kick her out of the party - ask her if there's a deeper reason she's so upset about the shoes.

I told my BP to wear whatever shoes they felt comfortable in, because ... it's just shoes.

Why do her shoes matter so much to you? Like others have said, if the dress is long no one will see the shoes so why not let her wear the heals that she will be more comfortable in?

They are just shoes. She said she would wear them. I let everyone wear what they were comfortable in as long as they were the right color.

If she just doesn't want to hem the dress to save on alterations, maybe offer to pay for the hemming?

Also, why is it so important for you for her to wear flats if the dresses are long and shoes won't be visible anyway? Will she be too tall for the aesthetic you are going for?

I think kicking someone out of your wedding because they don't like the shoes you have chosen (especially when that have agreed to wear them, but are just complaining a lot) is going to cause more drama/stress than just rolling with it.

I'm 5-5 and my MOH is 5-8. Because I bought a pre-owned dress that was already hemmed, I needed to find shorter heels to wear with it (1.5 inches) and my MOH is likely going to have taller heels so she doesn't have to hem her dress at all. She's also a size 0 and very pretty, so she's going to look like a statuesque model next to me in my short heels, but oh well. It's not the end of the world.

Make it firm that you are requiring her to wear them. If she doesn't wear them, there's nothing you can do. And she'll be the silly one for going against the crowd. But trust me when I say that no one will be looking at her shoes on your big day.

My little sister put up similar complaints and I just told my BMs to wear silver shoes. Very flexible!

She took her shoes off on her way down the aisle (outdoor wedding) And I didn't notice until the pictures came back that she is barefoot in every single one. My mother allowed her to do this (she's 15).

View Quoted Comment Update: my sister will be wearing the shoes in my bridal party and might switch into 1-2 inch heels after if we can put in a blind hem she can let out later in the night.