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Jr
Dedicated November 2020

i need solutions

Jr, on July 12, 2020 at 1:05 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 17
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What would you do if you thought your spouse had a drinking problem?

17 Comments

  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
    Confront him about it, try to get him to stop drinking or cut back. If he doesn’t, recommend therapy
    • Reply
  • Cassandra7
    Super August 2006
    Cassandra7 ·
    • Flag

    The three things that tend to motivate problem drinkers to quit drinking (though there are individual reasons why people bottom out, of course): spouse leaves them, they get fired, and/or they are shown films of themselves drunk. Good luck.

    (If you try a therapist, make sure s/he is trained in addiction issues. AA tends to work better. Al-Anon for the spouse, for sure.)

    • Reply
  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
    • Flag
    What does he do to make you think he might? Also is this a recent issue? It could be stress related if its a more recent issue
    • Reply
  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
    • Flag
    Usually having a drinking problem is pretty obvious, especially if they’re your spouse. So what’s occurring that makes you suspect a problem?
    • Reply
  • Jr
    Dedicated November 2020
    Jr ·
    • Flag
    There are tons of red flags I tried to dismiss.
    Since we have met he hasnt been able to pay his bills on time because he spends more money an alcohol. So bad that just recently I have his cards- but he can still go to the bank. If thats not enough he drinks and drives.
    If I say lets slow down he gets really mad and makes it his mission to get plastered even more.He has underlining problems that he needs to resolve. Ive taken away alcohol before and he just got mad and he refuses to give it up. His family are drunk/addicts. My mother was one but has been sober for a very long time. I have taken out all the alcohol from the house and Im gonna make a nice breakfast for everyone and let him with a letter saying that things have to change. I understand that its a disease but if you want your family then it will change. Today. If you say you arent an alcohol prove it by not drinking? I want to make the letter sounds as compassion as I can but not soft enough for him not to take mr serious.
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle Online ·
    • Flag
    I would definitely try to see what the core issue is - stress ? Depression ? Etc drinking is the symptom of a far greater problem
    • Reply
  • Christina
    Dedicated January 2021
    Christina ·
    • Flag

    First, depending on how much he drinks he should NOT just stop drinking one day. This can be very dangerous and result in death. Alcohol is the most dangerous thing to withdrawal from. He needs to go to a detox facility.

    Second, it sounds like he does have a problem and would easily be diagnosed with a use disorder. Third, you should not, under any circumstances, be in a vehicle with him while he is drinking and driving. Fourth, you should seek counseling/therapy for yourself because you need the support. Fifth, it sounds like he has a lot of underlying issues that need to be resolved and he for sure needs therapy, but since he's still in denial I would say it is unlikely he will agree to treatment.

    You need to set some clear boundaries and be prepared to walk away if you don't want to live your life like this because it will probably continue. Also, you should seriously consider calling the police on him when he's drinking and driving before he kills someone.

    Good luck!

    • Reply
  • Leanne
    Expert September 2020
    Leanne ·
    • Flag
    Al -Anoj meetings for yourself. You can’t control his disease. But you can control how you react to it. Sounds counterintuitive, but speaking from experience I highly recommend meetings or self help books for you to get perspective.
    • Reply
  • Angela
    Beginner December 2020
    Angela ·
    • Flag
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    He has a drinking problem. Until he’s ready to admit it, all the threats in the world won’t matter. I would leave and not come back until he’s gotten help.


    This will sound harsh but - do not marry him - you are setting yourself up for failure. You can’t control his drinking and you’ll exhaust yourself trying and making excuses for him. I’m speaking from experience. My mom has been in AA for 30 years and a previous partner of mine had a serious drinking problem. He finally wanted the help for himself and went to outpatient treatment. Unfortunately it was too late for our relationship, but he’s still sober years later and he’s a lovely person.
    You cannot save people. They have to save themselves. Tough love can be motivating though. I wish you the very best. I know it’s not easy or fun.
    • Reply
  • Jr
    Dedicated November 2020
    Jr ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Thanks I plan on it. They one have them 2 times a week here but Im going
    • Reply
  • Erin
    Expert August 2020
    Erin ·
    • Flag
    I would just have a very open, honest, and transparent conversation with him about it and go from there.
    • Reply
  • A
    Expert October 2021
    Ashley ·
    • Flag

    Unfortunately, you cannot force someone to get help. He has to want to change, otherwise, nothing is going to happen. While you should talk to him about it, you also have to realize that it's not up to you to save him from his addiction. You can inspire change, yes, but it ultimately has to happen because that's what he wants for himself. Do not hold yourself responsible if he refuses.


    While you cannot control his actions, you can control your own. You have to ask yourself how long you can keep doing what you're doing if nothing changes. We all have our limits. If he does not get help or make any sort of effort to change his ways, where does that leave you?

    • Reply
  • Emily
    Devoted September 2020
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Yeah, echo a lot of this. You can get "the shakes" if you try to go cold turkey - but it's probably best to handle with professionals.
    I guess, if you love him - it's important to let him know this is all because you love him. You can't put him before yourself, but you can let him know the effects it's having on you.
    It's a rough road. I'm very sorry.
    • Reply
  • Jr
    Dedicated November 2020
    Jr ·
    • Flag
    Ive tried to talk to him before. This time is no different. Im at a loss for what to do.
    • Reply
  • L
    Super October 2020
    Leslie ·
    • Flag

    You can’t talk to him when he’s drunk. First thing, don’t ever get in a car with him when he’s had drinks. I personally would worry about it and make me postpone the wedding because of it. It won’t get better until he’s ready to see the problem. Take care of yourself.

    • Reply
  • Nefetera
    Rockstar March 2015
    Nefetera ·
    • Flag
    Confront him and tell him how its bothering you. See if he understand. If you feel his in denial or in critical need hopefully he will be reqdy for therapy/counseling etc...i understand how you feel trust me
    • Reply
  • Cassandra7
    Super August 2006
    Cassandra7 ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Al-Anon. Absolutely Al-Anon. There are meetings on-line.

    • Reply

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